


Defendat erit scientia

by Pygmypuffonacid



Category: Doctor Who, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: And Mycroft is fine with that, Blackmail, Crack, For a good reason, Harry is teaching the Gnomes to do The Macarena, It makes her motives easy to understand, John Watson may or may not bitch slap the Archbishop of Canterbury, Mummy Holmes is a BAMF grandma, Mycroft still can’t figure out why his Umbrella keeps turning into a Newfoundland, Petunia is a gold-digger., Quidditch, Slow Burn, Snark, There is an Intergalactic centaur counsel so the Doctor is mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:20:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 68
Words: 77,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22273192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pygmypuffonacid/pseuds/Pygmypuffonacid
Summary: Vernon Dursley died of a heart attack before Harry and Dudley turned three. Petunia in Desperation as she couldn’t  hold down a job at save her life remarried as quickly as possible , To the first decent man she could find. Fortunately, for both Dudley and Harry He was the least ordinary man alive.
Relationships: Dudley Dursley/Luna Lovegood, Harry Potter/Hermione Granger, James Potter/ Lily Evans, Petunia Evans/ Mycroft Holmes, Petunia Evans/ Vernon Dursley, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sirius Black/Anthea, The Doctor ( mentioned)
Comments: 249
Kudos: 840
Collections: Harry Potter, Sherlock (BBC)





	1. Chapter 1

Vernon Dursley died of a heart attack before Harry and Dudley turned three. Petunia in Desperation as she could hold down a job at save her life remarried as quickly as possible , To the first decent man she could find. Fortunately, for both Dudley and Harry He was the least ordinary man alive.

Their stepfather’s name was Mycroft Holmes, Harry and Dudley grow up under the watchful eye of the British Government. The only man that could make Dumbledore cry.

Edit: She couldn’t hold down a job to save her life.

And yes, “ Uncle Sherlock” Did occasionally babysit under the supervision of the actual babysitter “ VisUncle John” . However this was discontinued after “The Greece Incident “ . Mycroft firmly told his brother he was not allowed to Take the boys to crime scenes anymore, Especially not after Dudley got so scared He begged Harry to get them out of there .

And harry Like the good brother obligingly Teleported them both to the Acropolis in Greece. This Of course Prompted a family meeting After Mycroft’s network found the boys . Petunia had a lot of explaining to do, Harry was now required To ask first before teleporting internationally, If he did He had activate his GPS tracker, The same went for Dudley on the off chance Magic ran in the family.

A number of conversations in the following months were often ended with “ No Sherlock, You’re not allowed to experiment on your nephews, I don’t care if the chemicals are non-toxic. “

Mycroft of course had at least 900 plans for Harry’s future in espionage, Until that blasted letter arrived with that umbrella wielding giant that kicked down a 16th century oak door .Sherlock still brags That John only had to shoot him twice to bring him down.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Petunia makes a decision.

Vernon Dursley was a good husband, a good provider . Perfectly normal average man , but he was a terrible uncle, a lack luster but caring father To his own offspring at least. He kept a roof over their heads and food on the table. Or At least he did , Vernon Dursley died from a heart attack After his fourth piece of rhubarb pie His wife made for him that morning, just days before Dudley’s third birthday and few Weeks before Harry’s. 

The Months That followed were some of the most frantic petunia’s life. She cried for weeks after Vernon died , With his passing She lost not only her husband, But her comfortable ordinary life. She had to scramble to pay the bills , Organize the funeral and find child care for both of her boys . Her neighbors on Privet drive We’re deeply unsympathetic as with the loss of her husband she was no longer considered a good Ordinary housewife .... she would have to become ...As gossip Would fly around the neighborhood... a working widow . 

Petunia Would apply for job after job , But nothing she considered beneath her( no fast food work for here). She Became a secretary for a banker but That only last a week, Next was an assistant for an event planner a month into the job She was tossed out on her ear ( Apparently looking down upon clients was frown upon in the working world) , After that more interviews came and went with no results or end in sight. 

Petunia becoming more desperate by the day, Finally decided as the mortgage warning notices appeared with greater frequency, she would just have to remarry instead. She wasn’t cut out to be the working type , she would need to catch another man instead. She packed off the boys to Mrs. Figgs , with some treats( The Bathrobe wearing woman Was the only free babysitter she could find) . Put on her best dress and called her old school friend Anthea. Her only old friend who Would talk to her now.

Anthea the dear ,that she was agreed to meet her for coffee to discuss her situation, and her level of Desperation. With a kiss on cheek and the coffee have drunk. Anthea constantly on her phone, It fell to petunia to ask rather bluntly, “Do You still match make as a hobby?”

The smile on her old school friend’s face Sent chills down her spine. Yes, Anthea did still matchmake . In fact she knew a man that was just perfect for her level of Desperation. He was a minor member of the British government, from a good family, intelligent, and looking to marry.

That was how with great apprehension, Petunia Dursley nee Evans agreed to meet and later marry The least boring man in Britain.

Mycroft Holmes , The British government.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Petunia met the man as Anthea had arranged, At an upscale Italian place Called, Angelo’s . According to Anthea ,the Restaurant owner was a family friend. 

Mycroft Holmes was a tall man, a bit balding on top. A polite, unassuming man, that carried an umbrella ( Like every other man in London). He wines and dined her like a proper gentleman, But there was no spark . Petunia thought with her remorse , he would have been perfect , if only that was the way the world worked. She lamented over the cheese course. The conversation flowed smoothly From one topic to another. Mr. Holmes wanted to marry, had a brother ( with a male partner no less” How scandalous “ Petunia had to bite her tongue to keep from commenting. ), he was fond of long walks , worked long hours and wanted a family. Petunia lit up with that, Mycroft Holmes was saying everything right, her boys needed a roof over their heads and food on the table, and she... she hadn’t been on a shopping trip since Vernon died ... she deserved a new dress and an easy life with a man to support her. A spark could come at anytime it wasn’t required for a relationship, remarrying was a necessity after all. 

When the check finally came , Petunia noticed the total with dread that Was more than her mortgage, she couldn’t pay half she opened her mouth to explain. But Mycroft had already handed the server his card before the first word left her lips.

Well that was a change from the last man she had gone out with, Mr. Holmes has money clearly enough support himself and a family Comfortably with. While he signed the Receipt Petunia made up her mind , not two hours after meeting this man . She would be marrying him, After all he had enough money to give her and the boys a comfortable life. 

After Dinner , Mycroft offered her a lift home. All they had to do was wait for his driver, Driver! Petunia felt faint this was perfect! She owed Anthea for setting up this date. He opened the door for her when the car arrived, Mycroft kept the conversation polite but smiled and laughed with her from time to time. Oh this is perfect Went through both their mind more than once , on that car ride home. 

Petunia invited him in for coffee as the car reached Privet drive. Mrs. Figg. had been babysitting after all So she thought the boys would be in bed. As she unlocked the door to let them both in She heard a cry of “ Mum!” Before she had taken 3 steps in.

To her great disappoint , Dudley came barreling down the hall. And attached himself to her knee. 

“Duddy darling , You should be in bed.” She admonished him lightly as she picked him up.( I won’t be able to hook him so easily now “she thought darkly . “ He said he wanted children, but most likely not another man’s , with an orphan nephew as a nice addition.)

Dudley Broke her out of her internal monologue With an Exclamation of , “ Who is that?”. 

“ This is mummy’s friend , Mycroft darling. Now what on earth are you doing out of bed and where is your cousin?” She answered him with.

Mr . Holmes looked alarmed for a moment As they heard another sound . A call of “ Can I come out yet ?” From childish voice Being emitted from under the stairs. “ I have to go to the bathroom.” Petunia recognized Harry’s voice. She was horrified as Mycroft crossed the room.

He Unlocked the cupboard Under the stairs without a word . Chuckling slightly Mycroft with good humor,” How do you get in there? Little man?” Mycroft picked the boy up without being asked. He didn’t fail to take Note of the little cot in the cupboard under the stairs.

He looked at petunia with inquiring eyes, “ Is that your timeout room or something for the boys?” 

Petunia panicking Answered with an Affirmative.  
And stated Mrs. Figg must’ve put him in there for misbehaving And must have forgotten to let harry out when she left. Mrs. Figg is Very old you see But she is the only babysitter I can afford “.Petunia rush to add By way of explanation hoping against hope Mycroft will take the excuse and No probe deeper into the truth that the cupboard with Harry’s room. They have put him down there just before Vernon died and she didn’t have the funds to get him a proper bed . 

Mycroft’s eyes turned calculating Before he responded,” Well I guess we’ll have to reschedule coffee, We should Probably get your boys to bed. I’m guessing this little guy I am holding is your nephew Harry and the other is Dudley? Anthea mentioned you had children”He added by way of explanation.

Petunia momentarily uncomfortable nodded her head and started to walk up the stairs. Her mind going A million miles a minute Trying to come up with a plan At Dudleys room only had one bed. Boys were both silent as they enter enter Dudley’s room. Petunia whispered to her son That Harry was going to share his room tonight and to please not put up a fight. Dudley the mamas boy that he was even at four simply nodded in his head. And harry understanding That he would get to sleep in an actual bed said not a thing As Petunia tucked them in. But Harry Having trust issues Even at his early age Kept his eyes locked on a stranger.

Petunia finally noticing Her nephew’s worried look she introduced him to Mycroft. Harry looked at the big man From where he was tucked in and held out his hand . With More confidence Then petunia had ever seen the little boy muster. Harry said , “hello! That’s very impressive umbrella you have.” and stuck out his hand. 

Mycroft looking Amused Shook the little boys hand both of them after Dudley stuck up his as well. Petunia and Mycroft both Looked surprised when the boys asked if he would read them a story. Mycroft used to demanding children after looking after his brother all his life Of course acquiesced. 

So petunia’s date ended With a Rousing rendition of Dr. Seuss.

The goodbyes after the boys where put the bed were very brief. Mycroft Assured her that he loved children , And petunia couldn’t believe her luck Enthusiastically agreed to go out the next week.

As Mycroft walked back to his car he couldn’t believe his luck, a Desperate gold-digging widow indeed. Anthea had found his ideal woman , one that was so easy to read, with children no less, he could have the family man appearance without waiting to reproduce . A women desperately seeking a comfortable life for her and her children . That was easy enough, he could have them married in six months time . But the boy sleeping under the stairs was a tad bit concerning. It spoke of apathy and negligence That he could just not abide. It would need to be Nipped in the bud Immediately. So discreetly Mycroft made a few calls. One to mummy so she could start to plan(. After all weddings take time) and Another to Harrods to place an order. 

At the crack of dawn the next morning, Petunia answer the door to a rather sharp knock. There on her front porch stood a delivery man and Behind him a truck. With a few short words, He demanded to know where she wanted the new children’s beds . Petunia after years of Worrying about the neighbors and not wanting making a scene Let them in. She directed them upstairs the man said all right. He handed her some paperwork and a letter and got to work.

Petunia opened the message With a bit of hesitation. It’s simply read, “ I thought a practical gift would be best, Anthea recommended I send flowers instead, but I thought you might appreciate this Gesture instead. As a bit of proof I can provide you with a comfortable life. I look forward to seeing you next Sunday at 9.”

An hour later the boys excitedly declared Themselves Roommates. Harry happily Said he no longer had to sleep under stairs.

A decade later, and she couldn’t believe how lucky she got. And she realized , Her sister had always been right. Being boring while convenient Was vastly overrated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Watson finally meets snickerdoodle the Newfoundland. And he dearly hopes petunia Baked some normal non-toenail clipping containing cookies. Most shocking of all, Mycroft Holmes Might just be a good dad.

The next few months in Mycroft’s life were by far the most chaotic He had ever experienced. Well at least since Sherlock’s last relapse. There were mutterings of a new criminal cartel. Mummy wouldn’t stop Calling him night and day Wanting to know if He had asked petunia yet. Petunia and the boys Had finally moved in, Surprisingly it had taken him three months to convince her rather than the one month he predicted. 

He’s home went from immense and lonely to cacophonous And chaotic. Quite frankly he loved every moment of it, Particularly the look of sheer Disbelief on Sherlock’s face When he Burst in just last week . He and John had caught Mycroft Mid light saber duel with the boys. Harry had insisted he use his umbrella instead of a traditional Light saber. And of course according to Dudley you had to make the pew And Chu Noises during a light saber duel. 

Sherlock had stopped dead in his tracks, His usual Sarcasm and wit Were finally lost him As he observed the duel. And of course when the door burst open it Kicked up some dust , Which made Harry sneeze. Bringing their epic lightsaber battle to a dead stop As Mycroft’s umbrella Disappeared, In its place snickerdoodle the Newfoundland appeared. The dog in question quickly stepped on Mycroft’s foot The resulting Cry of pain Perfectly timed with Dudley whacking him in the back of the head. 

A horrified silence slowly spread, As Harry and Dudley looked at the intruders while Mycroft Crushed his head hopping on one foot. Harry then started to cry, because Aunt Petunia had said he shouldn’t Turn the umbrella into snickerdoodle In front of anyone but family Or someone would take him away. He had done magic in front of the strangers and he didn’t want to go away. He liked His new stepfather and Dudley and Aunt Petunia were finally being nice to him.

Harry and Dudley both started Begging the strangers not to take Harry away That he wouldn’t do it again. Dudley hopefully added That snickerdoodle was a good dog would happily go back to being an umbrella if Given the chance.

With this chaos unfolding And Sherlock lost in the land of “does not compute”. John Watson was forced to take the reins of the situation. He Started with a simple” What the he.... heaven ( He change course midsentence when he noticed the children present) going on here? Mycroft , are you alright ?” John’s inner doctor Always won out Over chaos and curiosity. It’s what made him such a skilled Military physician after all.

It Took Mycroft A moment to respond as the pain started to diminish.Mycroft Responded harshly at that “ What does it look like happened?” To John Before turning to the boys And giving them a hug , Saying loudly and clearly,” Harry , Dudley, Stop your crying , no one’s taking you anywhere Certainly not because of a dog. Those men Our family after all. Now calm down lads And take a deep breath . Snickerdoodle doesn’t like to see you cry you two know that.”

The blubbering and sobs Died it down After a few more minutes. Once the boys were calm down Mycroft Looked to his brother. With a bit of a cruel smirk He said,” What’s the matter little brother, Surprise to meet your nephews . Or did your Observations fail you yet again? I had thought you had worked it out Months ago, Since you haven’t been round ,Since the incident in Barbadoes? ” Mycroft turned his head to The right addressing John finally, “ I’m fine Dr. Watson. Just a bit of pain, And a paw print on my foot , Nothing that is it to be expected with the boys around. “ 

John Watson blinked at him for a moment Started to laugh Clutching his belly His light chuckles Transformed into a A full body chuckle. It took a full two minutes for his laughter to die down, Harry and Dudley Observed with great delight That the blonde haired man Nearly fell over not once but twice. Two boys probably inFormed Mycroft of this As Watsons laughter came to an end.

Mycroft Praised their observation As a proud father praises his son. He then told the boys to take their toys and snickerdoodle and see if the Cookies their mother was baking , were done yet. He would be along in a moment he had business to attend to . Harry and Dudley Agreed After a moment, Though Harry had to ask and be reassured once again that no one was going to take them anywhere, Mycroft Reaffirm to them once again That the two strangers were family Their uncle Sherlock and his partner John. They were perfectly safe and neither were going to hurt them. Finally as the boys scampered off light sabers and hand, with a Happy Umbrella turned dog Hot at their heels.

As the boys disappeared around the corner down the hall Mycroft finally turned to his brother and said,” Sherlock! For the love of God man! You’re not in the matrix! Get out of your mind palace brother mine. And Face the reality of the situation, You’re going to have a sister in law God willing in a few months time. It’s not the greatest shock in the world brother mine. You found your goldfish I found mine . “

As Mycroft’s mini tirade came to an end, Sherlock blinked once then twice and said,” I’m well aware , you have goldfish of your own . I just didn’t know you had Mini goldfish as well, That one of them was a wizard , That can turn umbrellas into dogs at will Is that what happened to Azreal? And Mycroft really light saber duel ? You must really be desperate to loss some weight, Been eating too many cookies lately?” 

While the brothers glared at each other in a brief silence , John Watson Started to cackle Once again. The Ridiculousness of the situation was not lost on him,Only a Holmes would look for a wife and come back with a cookie baking women with kid , Referred to them as goldfish. And not even be phased Or feel the need to explain when one of the kids Turn an umbrella into a dog mid lightsaber fight. The thought of Mycroft Holmes , the British government in a lightsaber duel with children was Enough to make him laugh , but Finding out Magic was real and One of Sherlocks step nephews was a wizard. Was too much to handle John continued to laugh as the brothers argued. Until The hilarity he felt subsided, Sherlock and Mycroft were still going at it. Mycroft Had said the boys mother was making cookies, That sounded too good to pass up. Non-body part Contaminated freshly baked Confections Sounded like a dream. John Watson Left the brothers to argue , And went in search for the kitchen looking forward to meeting. Someone else who was mad enough to marry a Holmes. He hopes she made Chocolate chip cookies , Hopefully ones that didn’t come with surprise toenail clippings.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They really need to get Harry some allergy medication. John meets Petunia for the first time, And petunia realizes, She has to change your bit If she wants the kind of life Mycroft Can offer her. Which is all the better for Harry and Dudley. And John might just fight Mycroft for her, her Cooking is amazing.

Petunia was startled out of her Baking zen. When she heard Dudley and Harry’s voices Coming down the hall accompanied by the distinctive barks of what could only be snickerdoodle The Newfoundland that periodically turned back into an umbrella. At first the magical dog had disturbed her quite a bit But when she started to reprimand Harry for doing freakish things. Mycroft had stopped her mid sentence And Explained That he worked with quite a few magical folk. Her dear friend Anthea that Had set them up was a witch, Magic in his life work was an Exceptionally useful skill. Mycroft said There was nothing freakish about it or Harry for that matter. All of this was said within Dudley and Harry’s ear shot , petunia noticed . The boys at this point worshipped the very ground Mycroft walked on to them what he said was Gospel. Petunia got his meaning loud and clear, his Understanding of the world was Much greater than he made It appear when they first met. 

He cared about her and the boys , But he would not allow her to treat Harry badly under any circumstance. She read his meaning loud and clear, Harry was special, In Mycroft’s mind at least Just like his little brother Sherlock. And no one called Sherlock freakish, so By extension No one not even Petunia got to call Harry freakish . But Mycroft did concede, Care would need to be taken. So Harry did not Accidentally show off his magic To random government officials that Visited the house. The end result Of the conversation had been, the Sporadic edition Of snickerdoodle the dog to the family dynamic, And petunia agreeing To attend therapy both individually and as a family. Mycroft also insisted Dudley and Harry see a child therapist as well.

But the biggest change the Mycroft insisted upon that Still bothered her a bit was The almost Immediate Sale of her home on Privet drive ( Yes the mortgage payments had piled up, but It was still her home for a number of years And the blood wards that Dumbledore told her about were set up around the house.) When she told Mycroft about this , He looked alarmed, And asked her exactly What Harry’s full name was. When she told him Harry James Potter, His only response was,” Bloody Hell! I’ll be back in a moment I need to make a call.” Mycroft then turned on his heel And strode into his office. Petunia curious followed him at More sedate pace.

Mycroft, in a hurry Did not fully shut the door. So petunia observed him Swearing into a hand mirror . While stating grimly , “Grimmhook I don’t care if he’s busy I need to speak to Ragnarok. Why? I’ll tell you bloody why? My darling petunia, Just saw fit to inform me That my soon to be nephew Is the boy who lived. I need the house and estate wards upgraded To the point they would put Hogwarts to shame. “

Petunia at this point fearing she would be caught scurried away from the door. A million And one thoughts Flying through her head, Mycroft know about Magic, He was going to have his home upgraded With stronger “wards”, Mycroft knew about Magic And had contacted Goblins to secure his home so Harry Would be safe. Mycroft Took their relationship seriously enough to contact goblins which were apparently real To secure his home. He expected them to Live there long enough that he would need to goblin wards to protect them all.

Mycroft In an emotional state Had called her “his darling petunia”. He wasn’t going to break things off with her Because of this, He was making more of a commitment, Oh this was perfect! She would have a ring on her finger in no time. She‘d held out a few months When he suggested they Move in with him, She had to make it look like she wasn’t just after his money after all, And refusing had given her time to get him hooked on her cooking. Which Mycroft always praised To high heaven eSpecially her cookies.

Things have gotten even more serious since that day. Petunia has quietly encouraged both Her boys to spend as much time as possible with Mycroft . A good mother had to encourage father-son bonding after all, And the more attached Mycroft Got to the boys the less likely he was To break things off. 

Just last week she had overheard him talking with his mother. He still call “ Mummy” which Admittedly She found a little odd. But from the tone of the conversation she was encouraging him to propose So she wouldn’t say anything. After all Mycroft was a wealthy man, He was allowed his eccentricities. 

And if the boys got a Dotting Grandmother That wanted to spoil them rotten Who was she complain, And if the woman became so enamored with the boys that she wanted to take them a long weekend, Far be it from petunia to forbid her that, And If said long weekend Coincided with Mycroft’s busy work schedule Giving her the house to herself. All the better for solo shopping trips around London Or perhaps even Paris.

After all a woman married to a Holmes Would have to look her best. Yes, long weekends in Paris, While “ Mummy” no “ Grandmummy “ Holmes took the kids and Mycroft Slaved away at the office Sounded like just a thing. All she had to do was put up with a little magic And a dog That spent most of its time as Mycroft’s umbrella. It was hardly a hardship.

Petunia was brought out of her musing by the boys Childish laughter. This was exactly the life she wanted, Her family happy and safe , With access to a large checking account.

Dudley and Harry all smiles now excitedly asked If the cookies were done. Petunia of course confirmed the freshly baked confections were Ready to be eaten. But they were not to give snickerdoodle any cookies Because chocolate with poisonous to dogs, Even ones that Turned into inanimate objects periodically. The boys cheered and thanked her as she gave them each a plate Piled high with the Delicious cookies. 

Petunia jumped when she heard an unfamiliar distinctly masculine voice asked,” Are those chocolate chip? “ 

Petunia spun around quick as a flash Palming One of the knives on the table As she turned( A useful skill Mycroft had taught her Just last month, You never knew Who might pop by For a visit expectedly in this house). Petunia eyeing the man stated they were. The Blonde haired stranger grinned and said,” They smelled divine would you mind if I took one? It’s been forever since I’ve had a normal one I’m always finding toenail clippings in mind?” Petunia perturbed by the odd statement simply nodded her head in Agreement She moved slightly back as a man entered the room keeping herself between the man and her boys. She pushed a plate of cookies towards him.

Hairy and Dudley oblivious to her Tension, Simply laughed and said, “ Mum, Mycroft Said this was Uncle John, He came with Uncle Sherlock While we were dueling with Mycroft, Harry sneezed and We got snickerdoodle back! They saw it happen, Mycroft said he was family And that they were safe, That they weren’t going to take Harry away either. I manage to ask daddy... I mean Mycroft in The head with my light saber this time! We won the duel! And snickerdoodle’s back Did we tell you that! Do you think she will stay forever the time?” 

Petunia relaxing a bit, After hearing her sons enthusiastic rant . Reassured him snickerdoodle if he ever went away would always come back, They were just have to wait until Harry sneezed again, As they always had.

Petunia turned her attention to the man her boys called “ Uncle John”. The blonde haired man resembles a sheep dog with a kind face and intense eyes, He stood like a soldier , Warily eyeing her hand. Petunia smile then, And placed the knife back on the table Still within reach. And ask John ,” how he enjoyed the cookies?”

Watson answered her Question with a boisterous laugh, Saying they were magnificent marvelously Biohazard free.  
Petunia raised her eyebrows at that, “ You’re Sherlock’s partner One Mycroft told me about?”

John answered her with an affirmative With half a cookie in his mouth. The blonde haired Doctor moaned in delight. These were the best damn cookies he had ever tasted. He can see clear as day how this women caught Mycroft’s eye, If all her cooking was this good , They would all Eat themselves into an early grave quite Happily. John Immediately felt guilty From that thought, As he conversed with petunia She told him a lot, Her first husband died while eating her food.  
“He must’ve died happy ” John Watson silently thought.

As he spoke with the Petunia Things became clear. This woman was staying how her kids Spoke about Mycroft made that clear. John would have to Start working on Sherlock now. He was the only one thing close enough to a friend to stand with Mycroft when the Inevitable wedding came round , It was his brotherly duty after all , Sherlock at least liked children, And the black haired one harry With magic after all,If that didn’t make Sherlock want to experiment he didn’t know what would. If the umbrella turn dog wasn’t enough to mess with his understanding of the laws of physics, the disappearance of Azreal That they came To Question Mycroft about Would guarantee a Lot of Sunday visits to see Mycroft’s new family. 

John silently eyed the Knife that was still within Petunia’s reach . If that didn’t confirm it he didn’t know what else would This woman wasn’t boring that much he understood. She was exactly the kind of person he was , One who was mad enough to marry a Holmes. At that very moment Harry let out a cough and the cake halfway down the table Exploded With pink and green Sparks. Burst into the air a Metal object Shot toward Petunia And Smacked her in the face.

It was a ring, Covered in icing and a bit of Eviscerated cake. Exploding cakes with Rings this inside them , Umbrellas turning into dogs, Mycroft Holmes Being human And playing with kids. If that wasn’t a kick in the head enough , Magic was real . At this point rather then letting his head explode John Watson did what any good Brit would , He shrugged and laughed lightly While eating another cookie. Keep calm and carry-on as his grandmum always said.

Petunia stared at the ring in her hand, Where it landed after smacking her in the head a beautiful ruby Diamonds on either side And the Holmes family crest inLaid into the gold band itself. Her heart fluttered for a moment. As she slid the ring on and ran from the room , She had to find Mycroft and tell him “Yes! “ And if he hadn’t asked yet. Harry blowing up that cake had made it clear, she had to marry that man as fast as she could. Snickerdoodle barked and chased after her as ran in high heels.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Petunia and snickerdoodle have some mutual bonding time bludgeoning Sherlock. And Mycroft finally gets around to asking.

Harry , Momentarily Distracted ,from his cookie induced bliss watched his aunt ... no his mum, Mycroft always called her his mum , and Dudley said they should call things what Mycroft called them so Snickerdoodle with snickerdoodle and Aunt Petunia was his mum now., Sprint out of the room He blinked once. Observing the bits of cake everywhere , And their New Uncle John Completely covered in icing and Bit of baked good That didn’t seem to faze the blonde man Who is still happily digging into his pile of cookies.

Harry simply shrugged , And went back to his cookies. If the adult in the room Acted like everything was fine then it was , Aunt Petunia... no Mum didn’t yell at him For blowing up the cake accidentally, And uncle John didn’t smack him for it, so far he liked the blonde man. They had a lot of new relatives to remember, They seemed nice but a bit weird. However they liked mummy’s cookies So they couldn’t be that bad. He and Dudley could figure it out later . It was cookie time , All problems could wait for later. Harry thought happily as he took another bite.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Petunia turned around sprinting down a different Corridor , Snickerdoodle Trotting happily behind her. Three wrong turns and a dead end, Three months and she was still getting lost in this place, She heard Mycroft’s voice as She rounded the bend. Followed by a loud crash That made her increase her pace. Good Lord she hoped He wasn’t fighting someone again, The memory of the Afternoon she walked in on him Beating a Saracen warrior bloody With his grandfather’s antique harpoon Still gave her palpitations. 

As She hit the threshold Of the room She heard Mycroft sneer,” Yes I’ve got three goldfish,What are you so smug about? The Fact you found yours first or That mine’s a woman? That Mummy is grtting the grandchildren she’s been begging for? Come now Sherlock Even you’re smarter than that? You’re the one that likes children , yet I’ve got a goldfish that comes with two of them? Why do you think that it? Even someone as blind as you could see at least little Harry is Magic . I’m still not yet sure about Dudley. Come now brother surely you can figure it out. “

Another crash followed, As petunia froze mid stride, A goldfish with children surely he couldn’t mean. Mycroft Was a calculating man true But he couldn’t be so crass surely to refer to her As a bloody goldfish, Especially to his own brother that she hadn’t even properly met yet. Surely she must’ve missed heard. Petunia tried to convince yourself As she watched Mycroft dive behind a chair When Sherlock threw one of the paintings across the room( a Landscape from Cardiff No one was particularly fond of) but still . 

Sherlock stopped for a moment Heaving He swore at his brother briefly before saying, “ You’ve been desperate to marry from almost a year Mycroft. You’ve made that abundantly clear, The crown is looking for a new head And you want to post , we both know it’s going to a married man. Sends a message of stability and all that rot to the Crown. You’ve had Anthea looking for months now until she found you this cow. The kids are a surprise though, but to you an added Benefit I suppose it will get mummy off both of our backs, But you know she won’t start inquiring until you Have one of your own . Or at least adopt those two. But No, you were riling me up about is family You’re trying to distract me From the reason I’m here. What did you do with Azreal, brother dear? He’s been gone for a week now, And that staged B&E was exactly out of your play book.” Sherlock glared at his brother and leaned against the wall Awaiting an answer.

Mycroft Chuckled mildly, And Rose to his feet dusting himself off,” That painting was a   
Gainsborough You know and worth a small fortune.” Sherlock looked at his brother with mild contempt, Conveying with just a look that they both knew that was a copy the real one was in storage in the next room over.that Mycroft had better start talking, For he went after the real one too. 

Mycroft Exhausted Let out of frustrated breath, “ Fine Sherlock Fine! , Yes I took Azreal He pushed his luck to far this time , he was smuggling Methamphetamine into the country again , Six times the amount as last time cut with Formaldehyde for good measure. He Would’ve killed hundreds If I hadn’t Intervened. You bloody well know We had a deal, I wouldn’t have gone near him if he hadn’t broken his word. “ Mycroft exhaled heavily through his nose and sat down on the couch.

Sherlock blinked once then grinned,” I owe John a tenner, I was sure it was black tar heroin.” Petunia states in horror At the brothers matching grins. Methamphetamines, Black tar heroin, Drug dealers, Mycroft couldn’t be no. His brother was the famous detective Sherlock Holmes. Mycroft Worked for the British government he wasn’t a drug dealer defending his territory. 

While Petunia Was lost in her internal monologue, Sherlock’s eyes Shifted to her in the doorway, his smirk being replaced by a feral grin, “ So congratulations are in order Mycroft then? My my Grandmother’s ring how very traditional of you , Mycroft.” Mycroft’s eyes rounded for an instant before he could cover his shock, Sherlock cackled Like a little brother About to get his older sibling in trouble,” you haven’t asked her yet? Where did you hide it , a cake? Mycroft Your subconscious must have been calling out to you. You hid it inside a cake No wonder you need to lose weight brother mine.” Sherlock Concluded with a sneer. 

Petunia brought out of her own thoughts by Sherlock ‘s cruel Jeer, Stormed into the room like a Horse faced avenging angel, She whacked the younger Holmes As hard as she could with the umbrella in her hand( Snickerdoodle had turned back At some point during the chaos , Harry must’ve sneezed again. They really need to get that boy some allergy medication, and One didn’t leave the family pet Laying on the floor even when they reverted back to their original umbrella form) Sherlock surprised by His future sister-in-law’s fury Attempted to cover his head to stave her adult. Yelling at his brother to call off his wife.

Mycroft Simply sat on the couch watching his future bride( hopefully) bludgeon his brother with the family pet. No one had ever stopped Sherlock From insulting his weight. And from petunia’s angry snarled That’s exactly what she was doing. Good god that woman got better by the day, Her cookies could be sold on the streets like cocaine, And now she was defending him in his own home from his brother no less. Somehow he managed to find the one breed of gold digger That might actually get invested in their marriage. Mycroft thought to himself, He has the stop her From killing his brother, He would need a best man after all and Sherlock was the best he could get. Yes he needed to stop her, But maybe just one more minute of thing . Mycroft silently mused.

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Mycroft finally stopped her around the 17th blow, When he Began to become concerned with the integrity of his umbrella, The boys would be upset if snickerdoodle broke in two. Sherlock Sat down in the armchair metaphorically licking his wounds. After petunia’s bludgeoning of him came to an end. While Mycroft Reassured his ( future) wife All was well, That Sherlock wouldn’t be filing charges, If he knew what was good for him. The brothers made eye contact over head  
Petunia’s head. “Your wife’s bloody mad, Mummy will love her .” Sherlock silently mouthed to his brother. Mycroft Gave him a conspiratorial grin at that. 

Mycroft then finally got around to asking Petunia to be his wife. With his brother bleeding on his favorite chair. The children safely tucked away under John’s watchful eye, And the ever present snickerdoodle safely tucked away in his umbrella stand/ dog bed. Mycroft finally got down on one knee, After kicking aside the remnants of the painting.

Petunias answer was of course yes, But you have to answer me this did you really just call me a goldfish?

Mycroft’s joy was Quickly overtaken while he scrambled To formulate an explanation.

Sherlock’s Wicked cackling laughter could be heard Throughout the Manor.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burn your sage and Light your candles ! The house is haunted. James Potter approves of Mycroft.

The Ghost of James Potter Observed the new family with glee. His boy was going to be all right, His sister-in-law’s new bloke Seemed to be Slytherin to the core But a decent sort. He had nipped Petunia’s Parental negligence in the bud with ease And he seemed to be silently Ruling the world From behind the scenes.

While the thought of a Muggle Bureaucrats, That ruled the world from the shadows Of being his sons new father figure Made him mildly queasy which was quite a feat for a ghost. James knew This man Mycroft What is the best option they had to protect Harry. As he nor Lily No longer belong to the land of the living.

But throughout these years as they watched their son grow, James couldn’t help wonder where are the other marauders were. Sirius should’ve been Raising Harry himself, He was James’ blood brother and Harry’s godfather, James would have to wait and see if Sirius turned up in the next few years, Maybe he took off because of his grief, Perhaps he was hunting down Peter The trailer that he was. But all of that James could consider later, If this was his afterlife he could’ve thought of a few places That could be worse. He and Lily could still be stuck inside those bloody wards Instead of free to follow their son and watch his grow up.

They would need to reveal themselves at some point in the next few years, As badly as James wish it Harry was probably not the best choice For a first contact. Talking to petunia would most likely scar her for life. So that left him with Mycroft or the witch Anthea That turned up from time to time.

For now they would wait And watch their boy grow. James still couldn’t believe how powerful he already was, Consistent Transfiguration at that young of an age with an actual trigger, Was unheard of at Harry’s stage. While Lilly Lamented Harrys allergies, James’ heart swell with pride , And his inner marauder cackled with glee. His boy was already Turning umbrellas into dogs sentiment ones at that. He was blowing up cakes and making the house plant talk. His son was a wizard of that there was no doubt. 

And his boys new stepfather Was a guard dog by all accounts. His boy was growing up carefully and safe, With his own room and a cousin. That was becoming more like a brother by the day. James could imagine a million things worse than his son growing up under. The watchful eye of the British government, Most of them included Voldemort and a bassoon But that was beside the point.

Lily materializing next to him dragged James Out of his musing. His wife’s Translucent form was still as beautiful as her living one. He was a lucky man to have his beloved beside him On this astral plane.  
Despite the odd habits she had developed in the last few years when bored, Possessing cuckoo clocks And juggling ghost apples. The fruit just a translucent as Lily herself, James had no idea where she got them , He could never find any kind of food himself. He was forever grateful for his wife’s skill As from time to time he got hungry even as a ghost , And the apples this is just a sweet As they had been before he was killed.

James turned his attention to the ruckus in the room Below them, Mycroft and his brother We’re fighting it seemed Furniture was flying and they were bellowing at full steam. The taller one Sherlock he believed had picked up a painting And hurled it at his brother. From beside him he heard Lily mutter ,”What a waste a portrait, I likeed that painting The grass was soft When we inhabited it.” ( From time to time if they got bored and wanted to get busy they could flip into a painting after all it was just another dimension of existence.”

Lily yawned and continued to juggle the apple she had in her hands . And James let out a chuckle as they watched petunia storm into the room. “ you said she was boring, When you talked about her your sister, That doesn’t look like a boring woman to me.” Lily Looked at her husband with the bored expression.   
“ She’s changed in the last year so you know that.We can thank Mycroft and the boys for that. Now how do you want to tell them we’re here, Clearly petunia’s getting married soon, I have to give her my sisterly blessing. Before the big day.” Lily added with a wicked grin. 

James answered Her smile with a wolfish grin on his own. They put their heads together and begin to plan. 

In the security room of the manner Kevin the intern didn’t know what to make of the thermal imaging he was reading from one of the cameras. It Appear to be a woman Floating midair juggling something that’s suspiciously looked like apples.

He blinked a few times confirmed what he was seeing And radioed it in. Mr. Holmes wouldn’t believe this unless he saw it himself


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this chapter mongooses are omnivores.

Sherlock lay Prostrate On the living room rug. The man was bored out of his mind With nothing interesting to do. His brother had come to collect the children an hour ago. The boys had happily informed Mycroft when he arrived About their marvelous adventure meeting his homeless network. Honestly it was only a brief trip to the Thames, Mycroft had no reason to be thunderous about it. Sherlock had only had Harry levitate a few Hats Off of bypassers heads and send them dancing over the water . The boys had been Out of sight of the cameras the entire time. It’s not as if he put them at risk. 

They were his nephews after all, And John had been with them. He would’ve said Something if they were in danger. Hat theft and levitation have been the only John Approved Experiment He had been allowed to conduct. Harry’s gifts were rather remarkable, If he had to be honest. And the lads were both brilliant Even if Dudley was a bit squeamish. 

He needed to figure out how magic fit into the laws of physics, But he was so bored since they left. John had offered him tea but it had no effect, The absence of his 7% solution Was still something he needed to address. Of course he’d agreed to it But that was before he knew magic existed. Bloody Mycroft Head rubbed that one in with glee. That Sherlock Had missed a whole sub section of society until he was 17. Mycroft What is even more insufferably smug about it now they had a magical in the family. And a bright one at that.

But my God he was bored, He needed something to do Now that Harry had turned his gun Into a cocker spaniel. John still refused to call the dog anything but Rufus. 

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Mycroft Presided over the immaculate set table, With forks on the left and centerpieces abound. Petunia head out done her self , If one listened to the Prime Minister’s wife. Yes, She made a fine politician’s wife . Mycroft thought Smugly to himself. This plan was working flawlessly, the Position with sure to be his, petunia and the boys completed His aura of respectability and stability.  
The Prime Minister Observed exactly what he wanted to do, he saw Mycroft as a family man, A respectable upstanding member of British society. A good man that was willing to take on and raise two charming young boys from His wife’s previous marriage. Yes this was all going perfectly.

The meal has been served With pomp and circumstance. The desserts brought out With sumptuous decoration. Mycroft smiled at Petunia From the head of the table, The night was going wonderfully, all thanks to her. The household was functioning as a well oiled machine , Without a hiccup to be seen. Well except for the odd Apple that dove off the second floor Balcony every few days. From the fruit bowl by the stairs, And Apple would Launch it’s self Always had the same trajectory, Which remarkable force Over the landing And onto his marble floors bellow. The apples only seemed to do this Early in the morning When he was on his way to work, Every Apple coming within inches of his head.

He had updated his security five times already, Interrogated harry about it ( In case the lad Happen to sneeze Every other morning at 7:15) , No one could find a reason for the Apple Based assault. So it was shrugged off As part of the morning routine , by Mycroft Who was lucky enough to be able to dodge. Snickerdoodle it seemed Enjoyed eviscerating those apples Be it in dog or umbrella form The apples on the marble floor seem to be torn apart with in moments when they rolled toward the umbrella stand in the foyer.

Mycroft blinked for a moment Bringing himself back to the dinner. The boys had been remarkably well behaved throughout this entire affair. They have done remarkably well for their first evening With The Prime Minister. He had expected complaining or fussing at least , But no the boys just kept looking up at the ceiling And grinning strangely. 

Mycroft smirked to himself One last time as he raised his glass , Everything was going to plan. Even as He thought this to himself. Growls could be heard from the front entryway, After A light thud that preceded it. Snickerdoodle must’ve gotten ahold of one of those Seemingly suicidal apples again.  
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Lily and James Potter Both sighed in frustration. They have been trying for weeks to get Mycroft’s attention. There every attempt having failed, Either dismissed out of hand or shrugged off as a part of life living with a magical child. 

The Stubborn bureaucrat That seemed to see the entire world at a glance Was choosing to ignore the apples They were literally throwing out his head.

The ghostly apparition put their heads back together they needed a new plan something Spectacular. Perhaps one of them would need to possess the Prime Minister. As Lily and James floated overhead Devising a plan. The entire room heard Harry sneeze once again.

James glance down with the fatherly pride, as he watched the chaos unfold, The Prime Minister and his wife we were now both persons of the Mongoose Persuasion. The cacophony of shouts echoed through the room. Petunia shrieking And reaching for the pepper, Mycroft Bolting For the fishing net that they kept in the room for just this occasion. As the butler and he chased the Prime Minister Around the immaculately decorated room. 

While the adults sprang into action And petunia attempted to make Harry sneeze. Dudley was observed To be discreetly divesting his plate of peas. One must never Look a gift horse in the mouth as Grandmummy Holmes Had told him and Harry. And what better Opportunity to get rid of his peas. Then his stepfather , the British government ,Chasing the Mongoose that was the sitting Prime Minister Out of the room with the butler waving A Seabass fishing net with gusto.

Mummy couldn’t be mad at him for doing something She didn’t observe, After all the nice lady that was the minister’s wife ( Who is currently a mongoose) wasn’t running around she seem to be enjoying eating his peas on the ground. 

Lily and James Potter began cackle with ghostly laughter, As they observed Lily’s sister Frantically waving pepper under their son’s nose, While their nephew discreetly feed the mongoose that was the prime minister’s wife his unwanted Vegetables. 

Barely a moment after they finished their laughter a shout of triumph Echoed throughout the house, It seems the Butler and the British government had finally cornered the Prime Minister. 

Mycroft A few hours later would discreetly agree with good old Nigel ( the Butler). They would both get rabies shot just in case, One never knew what they could get when dealing with the Prime Minister.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please remember Petunia is a Gold digger and Mycroft is happy about that. Grandmummy Holmes Is obsessed with grandchildren. Mycroft Is resigned and happy about his fate. 
> 
> Snickerdoodle just loves bacon.
> 
> No archbishops or mongooses Were harmed in the making of this fanfiction
> 
> And no Petunia will not be having ten kids, it’s a joke to show Grandma Holmes it Grandkid crazy, Mycroft answered is a Resigned joke .

Most would expect Petunia Evans’ Second wedding to be a small intimate dignified affair, That percent of the population would be dead wrong, It was a social event of the season, The first wedding held at Westminster in nearly a year, Petunia had nearly fainted when Mycroft Had informed her they could get married at the Abbey, being a Knight Grand Cross Of the order of the bath Had finally come in handy.

Their wedding Had been An ostentatious affair, With the Archbishop of Canterbury performing the ceremony , John had to slap The Archbishop to keep the man from hyperventilating Before the ceremony When the Archbishop found out who the groom was . John Watson was always a good man to have around in a pinch Mycroft mused When he heard the slap Echo From the Abbey’s cloak room. A wonderfully resourceful doctor his brother-in-law was, John Watson was most likely the only man in England who could keep poor William from having a panic attack At the news of Mycroft’s Nuptials Especially after the Hungarian affair Last June. 

The Queen Herself had sent her congratulations on their happy day , Conveyed by the crown prince himself when he attended their ceremony, Ambassadors, Family, And members of the global intelligence community. All gathered to celebrate the happy couple and witness Their nuptials.

Mycroft Had allowed The reality of his power To be shown and conveyed by this one event. You have to keep the Mrs. happy after all. After the wedding it was right back to the shadows they would go. After the honeymoon of course, They had to release The old Prime Minister and his wife into the wild. The healers working for his organization were baffled, They couldn’t reverse transfigure the Prime Minister, And no matter how many times Harry sneezed The mongooses Remained unaffected So they had little choice but to release them into the wild. On the off chance the magic would wear off On it own one days, They couldn’t very well put the Prime Minister in a zoo Now could they.

At the very least the Prime Minister and his wife seemed happy enough, Frolicking as Mongooses do With one another. He would simply have them released into the wild and monitored By One of his most trusted advisors. The new Prime Minister who has been appointed Quietly with a great deal of haste, Was of course Made aware of the Circumstances of his predecessor.

The end result had worked nicely in Mycroft’s favor , The new Prime Minister was appropriately terrified And the meeting with the new magical Minister Fudge or fig Some kind of Confection Had gone swimmingly, Mycroft had made it abundantly clear, Harry potter was now a member of his family And under his protection, If Mycroft or His team Ever found And an Obliviator Within 10 miles of his estate their would be hell to pay, No matter what Albus Dumbledore said, Harry potter was Now a Holmes. Interference with one of his sons would not be tolerated.

Two days before his wedding , Mycroft had left Downing Street , With its two sniveling ministers in his wake. With just enough time To pick up the children Before dinner. Two hours might seem excessive to some, But when picking up the boys from their uncles you had to allow for time to disinfect the children before meal time. It wouldn’t do to upset Petunia, By introducing cultured E. coli into one of her immaculately prepared family meals.

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The wedding Went off without a hitch , Dudley harry and Sherlock served as Mycroft’s groomsmen, While Anthea In the ever present snickerdoodle served as bridesmaids, After Conscription of other female members of the family failed.

Mummy Holmes Cried tears of joy, As the happy couple Said their vows. She was present for a day she had long hoped for , Both her sons were married finally! And Mycroft In one fell swoop had given her grandchildren to spoil and A daughter-in-law at last. Not that Violet Holmes didn’t love John But one couldn’t pass on Their wedding dress or Advise on the fastest way to get pregnant To their son-in-law. Violet had a plan That was guaranteed, to have the new Mrs. Holmes up the Duff every year for at least the next decade. She wanted more grandchildren and by god they would have them. And Petunia would be the one to insist she had them. Mycroft had already adopted both Dudley and Harry. All Violet had to do Was lament in passing , That the boys could not inherit The entailed estates Before the happy couple left for the honeymoon, And she took the children to Scotland for a few weeks To spoil them rotten.

Violet Holmes Newly dubbed “ Best Grandmummy in all England” Clasped her hands together And tried to suppress a wicked grin . A few well placed words and Mycroft’s New Marvelously gold digging bride would be announcing a pregnancy before Christmas time. And then she would have three grandchildren to spoil by this time next year. Three new Holmes children on the family tree She internally cackled With glee.

And ominous wave of doom seem to sweep over The happy couple In that moment, Both felt their future have just been decided By someone other than themselves. And uneasy feeling pass between them as Mycroft Glanced at his mother . She looked unsettlingly smug , Mycroft Resigned himself to his fate As he Observe His mother, She’d figured out A way to guarantee herself more grandchildren. Mycroft silently swore up a storm in his head As he heard his brother’s Failing to suppress wicked laughter.

It looked like he was going to be a father three times over Instead of two this year. At least the boys will be happy to know they’ll have a baby brother. If their grandmother has anything to say about it.

Petunia entirely oblivious to Mycroft’s Depressing/ Joyful/ Ominous? ( With this situation it was hard to define) Resignation About his impending further fatherhood. Smiles happily at her new husband and the children behind him.

She was extraordinarily happy For the first time in what seems like eternity. She was particularly looking forward to her honeymoon. With the boys safely tucked away In Scotland with their new grandmother spoiling them rotten. And Mycroft Most likely working most of their honeymoon It would leave her free To go shopping. Her first shopping spree in Perry!( Paris) She just couldn’t wait, As visions of dresses and Designer brands Danced in her head. Petunia Remained oblivious of her Mother-in-law’s Grand plan( That would succeed Time and again over the next few years) more grandchildren. 

As the wedding party made their way out Of Westminster, Having decided To forgo the reception as it gave too many opportunities for attempted assassination. Mummy Holmes Gathered the boys up with great joy, she had Grandchildren after all. She Subtly inquired About the boys name change, Absentmindedly Adding it was such a shame They couldn’t inherit the Estates, That Sigmund Really must rectify The inheritance laws in the house of lords when it reopens. Adopted children Should inherit Same As any other, Violet went on to sigh . It was such a shame As the law stood Everything would go to cousin Terrence After Mycroft and Sherlock passed, The newly minted Grandmummy Holmes Looked like she was about to cry, And looked at her husband, Saying They need to speak with the family solicitor Immediately, With so much of the family wealth entailed, Their new grandchildren’s Entire future Was at risk. 

That last little comment Firmly rooted itself in the back of Petunia’s mind , After all she’d married Mycroft to Secure her children’s future. Mycroft Not so subtly rolled his eyes, As his father suppress a grin And mouthed to him” How many do you think?”  
Mycroft responded silently back,” ten most likely , If we’re having one we might as well fill every bedroom in the Manor.” Mycroft Silently but happily resigned himself to a life of chaos. He has been so fond of silence once.

Sherlock and John observing the exchange finally cracked Having to lean on each other to keep from falling over. As laughter consumed their very beings. 

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While the adults of the Holmes family Came to terms with their future. Harry and Dudley Discreetly fed Snickerdoodle bacon from their pockets. You should never let your pet go hungry uncle John had said.  
And snickerdoodle has been such a good dog the entire ceremony. 

Harry mused as he pulled the smartphone Anthea Had given him to play with before the Ceremony. She had showed him how to record videos on the device. Which has been amazing to nearly 5-year-old Harry’s mind. He and Dudley had wandered around the area before the ceremony following uncle John and uncle Sherlock around. 

Both boys were particularly proud of the footage they captured of their mummy’s special day. As they rewatched The video of uncle John bitch slapping the Archbishop of Canterbury while Uncle Sherlock discreetly pocketed a holy relic muttering to himself about scientific testing. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James Potter desperately wished Mycroft and Petunia Had put a sock on the door. 
> 
> Harry and Dudley Make a new friend In the Highlands of Scotland.

Mycroft Sneered at the French minister every word dripping with contempt. The Ludacrisness of The man’s proposal was. Maddening , he wanted Great Britain To loan France a Destroyer , With no payment and no guarantee of its safe return To go looking for Sunken treasure of all things In the middle of the South Pacific. 

The stupidity of the situation only amplified he’s already fell mood, Three days, He had only gotten three days uninterrupted with his new bride At the family Château just outside of Paris. Petunia had started about the possibility of pregnancy and more children Within the third hour of their honeymoon, The end result of his mothers unfortunate metaling, Not that he would complain about being a father a few more time over. 

But did they really need to start Immediately , he would have liked a few days of peace in Paris ,with his books, his bride, anda select group of bustling stuff In his secret war room . Petunias had Thankfully been Surprisingly quiet in the brief layover in sub-Saharan Africa between Paris and London.They had to release the Prime Minister Safely after all. Mycroft had of course been. Suspicious of her silence, 

Petunia was so easy to read, She didn’t even bother to clear her history when searching for Parisian fertility clinics o her phone. Anthea had sent him a warning text about that, He hadn’t even had to ask, His assistant’s Efficiency with legendary within the agency. And Mycroft had never been more grateful for it, not even during The alpaca debacle at the Vatican in ‘02. He still had to send 10 ,40 pound wheels Parmesan cheese to the head of the Swiss guard as an apology every year. Mycroft shutter to think Of the outcome if that man hasn’t been a cheese Connoisseur. 

While he was occupied With the Most idiotic member of the French cabinet, Mycroft Knew exactly Where is my wife was, It was still amazing how happy it made him think that . He had a wife and she had no problem Indulging he’s hypervigilant habits, She even encouraged it if you could believe. Petunia Had beamed When he introduced him to her( Visible) team of guards( She had three other sets of Guards on rotation That she thankfully haven’t noticed yet, Sometimes it was wonderful to have married to a goldfish She was much more trusting and oblivious to her protection detail, She hadn’t even tried to lose them once). Mycroft Couldn’t help but smile a bit at that, A gold digging , Status conscious women that wanted kids Anthea couldn’t have found him a been wife if she’d tried. Mycroft mused to himself, While Terrifying Foolish French minister. Thanks to mummy, Petunia was determined to have more children, Particularly his children As quickly as possible to secure the family inheritance, His wife had almost appeared Giddy When she found out the inheritance Included a title. 

Petunia had googled and plotted While they were on the plane, Amusing Mycroft to no end , His wife with her gold digging tendencies, thought She could help maneuver him, By visiting a fertility clinic. Mycroft had laughed to him And then cursed in his head When he looked at his phone. Sherlock had text him he owed him a monkey( 500 pounds) , As his brother had hacked his sister-in-law’s phone To gamble with his brother( The wager had been made That Petunia Would give it a fertility doctor after the Honeymoon not during the trip.) Sherlock had out guesses his brother For only the fifth time in his life. In his annoyance Mycroft Typed the order To have every camera in London following Sherlock until his return , That should Wipe the smug look on his brother’s face before he got back.

The second text Was from Anthea Informing him petunia had made an appointment, with the least respected fertility specialist in Paris, The message went on to explain that Anthea had canceled her appointment and made another with the most respected fertility doctor in France. As she Couldn’t in good conscious trust her friend and employer’s family line To a French quack. Mycroft chuckled quietly as he read that. But his laughter died As he read the last line , Anthea had sent, The fertility specialist she had selected Guaranteed multiples For every successful conception. The doctor in question had the highest rate of Triplet Conception in all of Europe. Mycroft Internally damned his assistant For her Legendary Insistence for efficiency. There would most likely be Five new branches on Holmes family tree instead of three.

Mycroft despaired Has he reached for a Conciliatory scone.

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Later that day After petunia and Mycroft had both returned to the Château. Cacophonous wails could be heard from the ceiling of the Château.  
As the ghostly apparitions Of Lily and James Potter Choose a Poorly timed moment to check up on the happy couple . James Potter attempted to Gouge his own eyes out As he floated through walls to escape the room, Followed closely by his wife As she screaming for bleach and a rusty spoon, She desperately needed to unsee The honeymooning couples Activities. 

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Meanwhile while the drama in France unfolding. Harry and Dudley Met a brilliant girl in the Scottish highlands. Who helped Harry teach a stag to Tap dance.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione Granger meets the Holmes Brothers.  
> Finally!

Hermione Granger was an intelligent Studious five-year-old, Nearly 6-year-old if you listened to her. She was A brilliant child that acted more like a mini adult Rather than a girl just barely out of first grade. Hermione with opinionated, Logical, Clever And rule Abiding And that was precisely why she didn’t have any friends . It was also for those very reasons she was suddenly Friends With two very eccentric and excitable Boys who introduced themselves As the Holmes brothers. Well if you wanted to be detailed , Which Hermione usually did .

She had made great friends With three individuals if you counted The Holmes boys’ Umbrella That had transformed into a Newfoundland right before her eyes. Right when Harry Holmes( According to him it used to be Potter but now it was Holmes , Hermione still didn’t understand how your name can change from one day to another. The boys had said she should ask their gran To explain it better.) Had sneezed , Hermione had felt the same kind of strange power that she often did when she turned books into flowers. 

As she watched The umbrella turn into a dog, Dudley have tackled her Promptly. Causing Hermione to Elbow him In the gut. Resulting in a brief scuffle before snickerdoodle dragged the two of them apart by grabbing onto the back of Dudley’s shirt and pulling Dudley Away from her with his teeth. 

Snickerdoodle was such a good dog, She deserved even more bacon when they got home Harry mused As he watched The Umbrella/dog Break up the scuffle. And he heard the girl shout and his brother Grunt . The girl must’ve hit Dudley somewhere in The stomach that grunt sounded Like she had knocked the wind out of him. Harry thought as he scrambled to come up with an explanation for snickerdoodle, So the girl wouldn’t tell anyone She had just witnessed him do accidental magic. 

The strange girl stood up and dusted off her dress as Dudley Took a deep breath And regained his bearings. Surprising the boys the girl was the first to speak.

Hermione Having all the social graces of an angry goblin dealing with an unruly client Simply blurted out,” You can do it to! “ While looking Directly at Harry . The Bushy haired brunette Snatched up the closest flower And set it on fire with nothing but her will. An audible “ Cool!” Could be heard from Dudley as the Holmes boys Observed her display.  


Dudley quickly deduced they had found another magical child like Harry, One that was most likely From a non-magical family as she sounded surprised to see another person capable of changing objects from one thing into another. 

Years from now Dudley would look back on this meeting and chuckled , For it was the first and only time he got the drop On the notoriously skilled duelist Hermione Granger. 

Dudley let harry take the lead with explaining in the situation, His cousin , No brother they were Holmes now Not a Dursley and A Potter Was always better at crafting lies and explanation Then he was at the drop of a hat. So Dudley listened intently to the exchange while scratching snickerdoodle behind the ears occasionally chiming in with an extra detail or two about the magical world or the need to keep their abilities secret at least until it was time for them to go to school. 

At that comment Hermione had launched into another series of questions this time directed at Dudley. Who interrupted her midsentence after the fourth rapidfire questions. Hermione had looked indignant at being interrupted before Dudley had said If she wanted an explanation she would have to let him speak before asking her next question. Prompting a silent chuckle from Harry’s direction.

The three children sat down under a tree in the middle of a Scottish glen While the boys answered every question Hermione could ask. The children spoke of magic, Their families , And declared themselves the best of friends Within hours of meeting. They amused themselves for the rest of the afternoon By plucking Leaves Off the tree they were sitting under and tossing them in the air trying to out do each other By turning them into various things( bugs, birds , bits of string or a seashell Dudley Had jumped up and down excitedly when he Had manage that) , Harry had ecstatically Explain to Hermione That was the first time Dudley Had managed to do magic too.

The children laughed and played games of their own making until they heard a series of growls and horns blowing, As they watched a stag Run terrified into the same field they occupied. 

At this Hermione began to cry, She hated hunts Or the thought of anything dying. So the boys spring into action as quick as a flash coming up with a plan so ridiculous only children could pull it off.

With the combine strength of their magic The three children will the stag to dance.

Videos of the incident made international news as stag hunters Recorded the newly discovered behavior. Zoologists And scientists were baffled by the display. None Could explain the tap dancing six point buck . For the echoing barks Or children’s laughter in the background of the viral video. 

The spin and news fallout Was handled expertly by Anthea as she swept potentially disastrous Incidents under the rug On a daily basis. She managed to get the video Dismissed as a hoax, As so many viral videos are. The current Prime Minister how do even chimed in on the video calling it an amusing hoax, Made by bored children With a bit too much imagination. Prime Minister also added that he hoped the young people of Great Britain continue to Exercise their creativity but in more beneficial pursuit.

Not a single Oblivator Was called to the scene, Not a single Muggle’s mind wiped, Anthea was quite pleased With the end result. It was nicely done If she didn’t say so herself. Her self satisfaction Lasted only an instant As a horrifying realization crossed her mind, Mycroft’s Children had made a magical friend That was just as chaotic As they were, And if Violet Holmes plans Came To Floracion then That would be quite a few more magical Holmes children Wreaking havoc in Great Britain. They would need an entire division just to cover their tracks, She needed to get authorization from Mycroft Immediately, They would need to beef The PR division. And find out exactly who Hermione Granger’s Family was.  
According to Violet The children seemed rather attached already. If that wasn’t enough Violet had told her Dudley had done magic.


	11. Not a Chapter But please Read , I need help making a decision!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this!

I am trying to decide something about Hermione’s family. As we all know both her parents are dentists But I have a few decisions to make about their backstory. My options are

1\. Hermione’s father John Granger Served with John Watson before he retired to become a dentist. This connection would Allow for easy vetting Of is Hermione’s Parents with John vouching for them. It would also allow for further contact between the children as they grow up.

2.Throw continuity to the wind, Hermione turns her fathers lawnmower into a Pegasus every time she wants to go visit Harry and Dudley . Much to both families irritation( The servants and Hermione’s Dad get tired of cleaning up rainbow colored Pegasus poop Every time the lawnmower is transformed.

3\. Neither of these options, I throw caution to the wind and just make something up as I go.

Please help me make a decision, And post your opinion in the comments on which of these three options I should choose to do for Hermione’s family’s backstory/ How the children keep in contact before they go to Hogwarts.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Petunia is getting exactly what she wish for, Hopefully she learns Something from this.
> 
> Violet Holmes Is ecstatic, And mobilizing a small army of childcare and medical professionals in number similar To the population of Nebraska.
> 
> They are going to have to add bedrooms onto the Manors.Please remember this is a Crack fic.
> 
> The next chapter will be all about Harry and Dudley’s Adventures.

In the three months since her wedding petunia’s life had changed reversibly, she had actually fallen in love with her husband shockingly, and Mycroft was becoming more Affectionate by the day.If he wasn’t in love with her already, It seemed he would be soon. The Boys Had made a marvelous new friend a bushy Haired Brunette called Hermione, the Girl Was as magical as Harry, Which was saying something . Petunia Had Had Palpitations when the last family magical realization Came to her attention. Dudley Had been the one To sneeze to induce snickerdoodle’s transformation This last time around. She had fainted dead on her feet. The children screaming something was wrong with mummy had summoned Mycroft and his entire on call medical team. Mycroft Had refused So listen to her about going to the hospital, Saint Barts he had insisted. Despite her objection, Petunia was mildly Regretting all the paperwork she signed without reading first Before her wedding. When she had asked the doctor ( it was John of course) if she needed to sign anything “a consent to treat” form “perhaps. John had chuckled a bit, And asked if she had actually read all the paperwork Violet Holmes has given her to look over and sign . Petunia flustered And feeling slightly embarrassed had said of course she had read The prenuptial agreement. 

John had simply smiled and shaking his head. And informed her rather nonchalantly,,” That wasn’t a prenuptial agreement, the Holmes Don’t make spouses sign prenups, That was a power of attorney waiver. You signed everything Including your medical power of attorney over to Mycroft before the wedding, The paperwork had me listed As the executor, Should you two ever divorce. “

Petunia Horrified for a moment, Asked John rather quietly, “ When you say I signed over power of attorney do you mean with everything?” John simply smiled and nodded As he continued his examination of her chart. Petunia started a to have palpitation once again. Mycroft Had access to her medical records, her fertility record Oh God! , If Mycroft ever looked at them he would know Immediately that she had gone to that Fertility specialist During their honeymoon in France, He would be able to see the waivers she signed Consenting to the 17 doses of Maximum strength Fertility drugs She had taken that entire trip. She panicked, He would know She had gotten purposely pregnant, the Baby Was Supposed to be a happy accident Announced at Christmas time. Not exposed as means to Secured Her position. Her plan was supposed to go off without a hitch, Cementing their marriage And all the boys inheritance. As well as her own future Happily married to Mycroft With unlimited access to the family coffers. 

If he found out she had gotten pregnant on purpose, he might never sleep with her again, Mycroft had said He would be happy if they had more children, But no man was happy about manipulation, If He Deduced That she had planned this, He might never sleep with her again. And if the baby was a girl, Her entire plan would be back to square one , She wanted to be the Mother of a Marquis. Perhaps she could beg John to destroy the records, He liked her well enough, And of the family he was by far the most normal after her of course.

Petunia’s entire plan crumbled before she could even say a word to John. As he as Smiled at her with a wolfish grin And patted her hand comfortingly, Assuring her everything was all right with her and the babies.

“ Babies! “ Petunia Screeched for a moment in shock As John smiled again. And said,” Yes babies, Mycroft Authorized our access to your medical records and a full examination while you were still asleep. You fainted on your feet and hit your head. Gave him and the children quite a fright you did. We had to make sure nothing was wrong, Mycroft Summoned the entire flying obstetrics team, The moment he got a look at your chart, 17 fertility treatments in only a month Petunia? , Mycroft Refused to leave your side during the entire exam, He alternated between terrifying the nurses and holding your hand. He only left your side After I assured him you were perfectly fine. And of course after the ultrasound, 10 babies In one pregnancy, It’s a medical miracle, Only the second documented case in Europe and the first This century. Sherlock Dragged Mycroft Out of the room Only a few minutes ago, They needed a bit of brotherly bonding time, They’re smoking in the car park.” John finished with a laugh. As he closed her chart.

John spoke again Not quite finished dropping bombs on Petunia’s plans,” Violet is with the boys In the waiting room, Sherlock called her As Soon as Mycroft Informed us of your fainting spell. She’s organizing everything You won’t have to worry about a thing. We can’t have you fainting Again even at only eight weeks, You’re already starting to show, Any injury or fall could put your pregnancy at risk. I’m sorry to say you’re in for nine months of bedrest with cases like this. Mycroft and Violet Have already organized movers and baby proofing specialist. We’re all moving in for at least the next year to support you while you’re in this condition. Sherlocks not exactly happy about leaving Baker Street temporarily, But he will get over it, We’re both quite happy with The prospect of being uncles again so soon. Mycroft hired, A team of doctors and nurses to monitor your condition round the clock, Violet and Sigmund are moving inTo the West Wing To look after the boys, And prepare the nursery. You should’ve seen heard her crowing with glee at the Prospect of 10 grandchildren in one go, You’re her new favorite person. And she’s hired a nutritionist for you along with a pregnancy dietitian . You won’t be eating an unhealthy meal or an unapproved snack With this pregnancy If you believed her rant earlier, She’s bringing additional staff if you can believe that, 16 additional hands all dedicated Keeping you off you feet and in bed Until the end of your pregnancy. Which could be who knows when, Violet has been telling Any doctor or nurse who would listen me included, the Holmes pregnancies Have a long-standing tradition, Of being extraordinarily long as Holmes Children are ridiculously stubborn. I wouldn’t worry about that, Mycroft will be back Any moment, And you can talk about this wonderful news. The entire family is so excited, The boys won’t stop smiling about Being big brothers, You’ve nothing to worry about Petunia, All you need to do is rest, we will take care of everything else. “John finished with a smile.

As he regarded Petunia Who looked more and more like a cornered animal as he continued to speak. John simply smiled and put his hand in his pocket which contained the tenner Sherlock had owed him. For losing their wager , It was clear when they arrived at the hospital There darling sister in law Had thought She had tricked everyone That everyone Was oblivious To her rather obvious pregnancy. As if a Military trained Physician, The worlds only consulting detective, The man who was the living embodiment of the British government, And two Brilliant grandparents wouldn’t notice Or be monitoring her medical records. Honestly John shook his head as he reassured his sister-in-law That she would be just fine and that Mycroft would be right back as he Walked out the door of her hospital room. Taking note of the seven guards posted at the door. No one was getting in or out of that room unless they were supposed to. 

John Smiled a tad bit maliciously, Petunia Was getting exactly what she wanted, And everything she wished for, A nice secure future , with a supportive family, A man who would love her, And plenty of children. All in one fell swoop. She married the British government who would never let Even one hair on her head be harmed, Because of a ridiculous number of bodyguards, An enthusiastic Mother-in-law who was Determined to ensure every last one of her grandchildren made it to term , Petunia wasn’t going to be out of bed at any point of this pregnancy John was sure, And last but not least a whole host of children who would love her Unconditionally. She would just have to give birth to all ten of them first In addition to her two boo already wonderful children. 

John internally chuckled wickedly. As he made his way to the outside car park to update Mycroft On his wife’s health. The relief on his brother in law face Was obvious, His wife was conscious and healthy, Along with his 10 children, It was the best outcome any of them could ask for.

As John Finished his summation , Sherlock crushed the butt of his cigarette with his shoe And chuckled addressing his brother,” You certainly beating the odds, Brother mine. Best of luck to you? Let us know if you want us to take the boys, There always up for a day full of experiments , It might just be time to take Harry and Dudley flying. Oh and did you hear Mummy Earlier she’s hiring the entire family A dietitian, going to feed your entire family nothing but kale and fresh fruit For the next year at least . You won’t have to worry about shedding those last few pounds now. You are most likely going to be kissing your scones goodbye.” Sherlock finished with a smug grin. Not expecting his brother’s Left hook To strike his cheekbone with as much force as a did.

Mycroft Spent a good minute Shaking out his left hand while John attended to Sherlock. Mycroft steeled Himself before entering his wife’s hospital room, It was time to discuss the circumstances Of this most happy news, They were going to need to add three bedrooms . Mycroft Mused, 10 more children To add to the brood, He was going to be a father of 12 by this time next year. Mycroft Smiled from ear to ear, Petunia was getting exactly what she wished, Hopefully this would teach her to leave the plotting and planning to him. 

Mycroft Couldn’t stop smiling he was going to be a father again, He would miss his blueberry scones though.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
After a great deal of debate and a sufficient number of bribes . The Holmes Made a formal announcement about their happy news. In the Muggle world civilians responded with smiles and well wishes, Global intelligence community collectively shit themselves, Every head of state and shadow government Was thrown into Quite the tizy At the news There wouldn’t in fact be Another generation of Holmes Defending the Empire. The heads of both the CIA And Mossad Both required More than one glass of Whiskey to reconcile with the news . The lceman, Mycroft Holmes has managed to reproduce, Spies the world over Gave a collective shudder . Imagining If the rumors were true, 12 mini Holmes brothers Walking the earth. 

For the family the announcement Was selected carefully By Anthea and Violet After much debate, With no input for Petunia Much to her annoyance, This would happen again and again her reaction always answered with an internal Reprimand from her own head( This is exactly what you wanted, An effortless life, Daily breakfast in bed, With a doting husband, And a secure future. You must be much more careful with what you wish, Every wish seems to come true for her this time around, If Petunia was not careful they may end up being magical Petunia mused with a sudden icy shudder) Hundreds of miles north in a locked room at Hogwarts An Enchanted quill Wrote the name Holmes In the Hogwarts registry book over and over. Petunia really did need to watch what me wish for, Magic seems to be To grant her Every whim and desire, Much to her chagrin. And Mycroft’s laughter.

To bring Herself back to the matter at hand petunia shook her head, Violet and Anthea had completely taken over they had selected A beautiful light blue baby announcement To pass around to family and friends ( And Various Sovereigns ) . The queen had sent a lovely gift basket with a card congratulating Both for the wedding and Her record breaking conception. Petunia with still miffed They had posted the announcement In both the magical and Muggle papers, No matter what , She would most likely never be comfortable with the world that killed her sister But Anthea had insisted. Violet had simply tutted at her and patted her hand As it to comfort her, Leaving to Petunia feeling like A silently recommended child. In the last few months she had started to understand, Well The Holmes would love an Support her. She would never be it’s Matriarch, Petunia Holmes Came to the conclusion she had Married A ridiculously powerful man with a domineering Loving but terrifying mother. When Violet Holmes Said something was happening, It’s bloody well happen. And when Violet Holmes Decided The entire family would be following doctors orders to the letter, Everyone fell in line , No matter how much they would miss steak, Petunia thought with a huff as she observed the 3 nurse and two doctors That have become ever present in her room, She has been stuck in bed for 5 months now, Bored out of her mind, With nothing to do but Watch television and talk to would you have a family member could make time to visit, Mycroft came To see her Multiple times a day and made a point of eating dinner with her, Violet Brought the children round every day to see their mother, But it wasn’t the same, Petunia had told Violet She felt like she was An English Queen of The 16th century, trapped in confinement for her pregnancy, Violet Holmes Had given her a Serious look Pulling her attention away from Harry and Dudley making crystal vases fly through the air, “ That’s because in effect you are a dear.” Violet had said while infuriatingly patting her hand again. 

Violet went on,” I saw your medical records dear, It’s your own fault you’re on bed rest, You could’ve had one and been up and about, But you over did it on the Fertility drugs by leaps and bounds, I mean good heaven Anthea had to intercept Another call from Guinness Just this morning, They’ve been harassing poor Mycroft for Weeks, He sent Sherlock To their offices in London without John To deal with the matter , They’ve Irritated him so. Mycroft loves you and the children, He’s looking forward to being a father again, He spending a fortune renovating the house, He even added a play area to his office so he could spend time with the boys. You’re just going to have to suck up my dear, And survive your bed rest. You asked for this, It would devastate him If you lose any of those children. Mycroft will be more than happy To pay for therapy if you need it after this. If you need to complain I’ll be more than happy to listen, But just remember it could be worse I was pregnant with Sherlock for Another three weeks after I was due. My labor with Mycroft last nearly three days, This right now is the easy part of a pregnancy, As I’m sure you remember with Dudley, Just wait a few more months it will get worse my dear. But then you will have 10 new beautiful bouncing baby boys to love and spoil.You will have 12 brilliant boys Who will adore you, But it will be such a shame, To not have any daughters to inherit my jewels, I’ll just have to leave them to Marigold’s girls. It will be such a shame, I had so hoped to pass on the family Tiara To you Or to one of my granddaughters. “ Violet again Looked at her with tears in her eyes and smiled.” At the very least, I have Two brilliant grandchildren already, And 10 more on the way all thanks to you my dear.” Violet kissed petunia’s cheek And gathered up the boys to get them a snack. Leaving Petunia with The unsettling feeling, She would need to give Violet a granddaughter soon, She never wanted to see that look on her face again. Petunia turned The television back on to alleviate her boredom, her Subconscious already plotting, the birth of her daughter. She wanted that bloody Tiara.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Johns meet again!
> 
> Poor Petunia She’s getting everything she wishes for, She really needs to stop that, magic might just be enjoying torturing her, For what she did to happen in an Alternate reality.
> 
> Violet Holmes might be a little bit evil, But she is still the best grandma is Britain.
> 
> Harry and Dudley Are starting to act like Holmeses It’s both adorable and terrified. 
> 
> Sshhh! Mycroft doesn’t know about the girls yet!

Harry (Potter) Holmes Regarded the Hippogriff with Fascination, the Great Winged beast stood guard At the entrance To The Goblin King’s office, Harry’s father Mycroft Called for him To keep up as he spoke to Brimstone The goblin Escorting them into the king’s chamber. Harry looked at his brother Dudley Who stared at him As if daring him to do it, Harry the braver of the two, Not wanting to be left behind by his father bolted towards hippogriff after a brief Bow The six-year-old wizard booped The Stately beast on the Beak Before Turning around and running after his father calling over his shoulder,” Nice to meet you, IronFeather.” 

While His brother Dudley was hot on his heels,Lamenting his loss As only A little boy can, Dudley Would have to eat Both his and Harry’s vegetables that evening at dinner. Dudley quietly resigned himself to his fate , Carrots weren’t that bad at least it wasn’t brussels sprouts like last time. 

While his brother lamented his loss Harry internally celebrated his latest victory, He would get Dudleys pudding and not have to eat those nasty carrots. 

Mycroft Smiled to himself his heart swelling with pride as he watched his son, And he didn’t have the heart to tell Either of them tonight they were having pizza for dinner. Their bet would have to be settled another night. Mycroft Silently congratulated himself on both his sons intelligence and powers of observation, Harry had Observed the goblin interaction , And applied his observation to his goal of “booping” The great beast’s nose In order to force his brother to eat both their vegetables. MyCroft, We are so proud of his other son Dudley, The boy had taken his loss with dignity, And moved on to the next challenge with No temper tantrum insight. Dudley went about asking the goblins About their influence on the Wizarding in banking system. Mycroft simply grinned to himself , Both his children were coming into their own quite nicely.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

While Her husband and sons We’re off Manipulating the magical banking system, Petunia Lack propped up on pillows in bed, Listening to the 12 physicians Mycroft had charged with her care, All of them Fully qualified magical healers and well as Muggle trained OBGYNs . The head healer Was speaking rapidly with Great enthusiasm Updating her on the newly discovered circumstances of her condition. While Violet Holmes beamed at her patting her hand, the Healer were finally able to confirm with 100% certainty all of her babies had magic of some Variety, And the good news Didn’t stop there according to the head healer , She wasn’t carrying 10 children. 

Petunia gave a brief sigh of relief, But her relief was cut short When the blasted healer opened his mouth again. She was having 13 children not 10 , she was carrying 10 boys and 3 girls The delighted healer proclaimed , It was the largest single pregnancy ever recorded in magical Britain, And because of that they would need to take extra precaution. The healer would be Administering to her potion within the hour that would be extending her pregnancy to well over a year, Giving all the children enough time to develope fully. She would have to Extend her doctor mandated bed rest as well , under Dr. John Watson and Healer Montgomery’s Close supervision, Because they would be increasing the magical monitoring of her pregnancy, They would have to remove her television Immediately, So it would not interfere with their Devices. Petunia nearly cried at the news, while Her mother-in-law beside her Jumped up and down with glee , Having to stop yourself from hugging Petunia, Violet said what she mostly thought was a Comforting offer,

Violet Would teach how to knit To pass the time. It would give her Something productive to do, After all of this rate they would need Plenty of baby booties. Petunia heart sank at Her suggestion, She bloody well hated Knitting! 

Violet deducing her Daughter-in-law’s hatred for Knitting Suppress a grin and Said She would go get some yarn and needles just this very minute before she Practically skipped from the room. Grandchildren! That wonderfully golddigging daughter in law of hers was giving her 13 grand babies not 10 ! 3 girls , the first female Holmes and two generation! oh this was better then she could have dreamed. So. What if she would have to give Petunia the Holmes Tiara now, she would never wear it anyhow, the rubies will class with her hair to much For her to ever wear it out of the house. Honestly her Desire to have Unfettered access to the family coffers had Sealed the poor girl’s fate Violet laughed to herself. If those potion did as the healers claimed she would still be pregnant for almost the year of the year, when she was already 8 months in to the pregnancy. Violet smiled as she picked up Her knitting needles, She wouldn’t allow Petunia to Fetter away The rest of her pregnancy, she would learn how to stitch the Holmes family crest at least . Violet smiled a tad bit Maliciously, thank goodness the healer had listened to her and talked away that pointless television , its removal should Get rid of the last of Petunia’s distraction, the girl needed one last good kick in the pants to cement her devotion to Mycroft and the Children , it wouldn’t do that have so many grandchildren if their mother Spend all her time shopping and not dotting on her babies. Violet would simply have to make sure Petunia gave Mycroft and the children all the time they deserved, Grandmummy Holmes would make sure her eldest son’s marriage was a loving and happy one even if she had to Conquer the world to do it. 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

While the Holmes clan plotted and expanded, Hermione Granger read The legends of Hercules Hercules for the first time, Within an hour of completing the Tome . Her father’s Lawnmower was transformed into a Winged beast of her very own. She hoped he would get along with snickerdoodle.

Hermione’s father John Granger received quite a shock when he walked into his garage the next morning , The resulting conversation with his daughter ended With her being grounded for a week( No books or magic for a week Hermione!) The Pegasus, Damien Winston Amadeus Copperfield the fourth Was moved From the Granger’s garage after an emergency phone call To John’s old War Buddy Three continents Watson who is now surprisingly the Uncle Hermione’s best mates . The Pegasus was now Happily house on the Holmes goblin warded Estates . The two John had gone to a pub to Reminisce and Commiserate about magical chaos that was their homes lives. Each boasting About their medical careers and achievement. John Granger told harrowing tales Of his forensic dentistry and John Watson , complained about his brilliant husband And spoke of capturing international Criminal masterminds. 

Both men shook their heads In resignation and humor when they saw The sky Over Wilmington Catch fire. The children were at it again, John Granger Looked at his former Comrade And said ,” My little girl, She’s just like her mother, Going to change the world to sheer force of will, I imagine she’s going to drag your nephews along for that adventure.”

John Watson laughed and took a sip of his beer Before informing his old friend in a short time he would have to specify which nephews, As his brother-in-law’s wife was pregnant With the largest brood In British history. Both men Laugh at the ridiculousness of their lives, And toasted to not having it any other way.


	14. Now it’s a chapter: Hermione Granger’s Wilshire adventure

The sky over Wilshire burned with fire, as Hermione Granger Six-year-old revolutionary in the making. Bellowed a battle cry That would put Braveheart to shame , Those blasted Gnomes Had stolen Her Encyclopedias again, As she Directed Damien her trusty Pegasus to pursue The thieves , Hermione wondered how long it would take Harry and Dudley to join her. She needed to introduce them to the ginger haired boy she’d met While they were both dodging hang gliders. The red haired boy had never seen a Pegasus before And couldn’t believe She was from a family of Muggles, Harry and Dudley were going to get a kick out of meeting Her new Ginger haired acquaintance, The boy wouldn’t stop talking about Harry Potter and quidditch .

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The Holmes Brother Shock themselves Free of gravel and offered the Wilshire Hedgewitch That had allowed them to use her fireplace a bag of marbles as thanks. Their Father had taught them To always express your gratitude with a small gift that way you didn’t leave a trail of owed favors In you wake.

The boys Started to run as soon as they got out the door, Hermione’s owl has been clear, The gnomes were at it again, And she somehow had a Pegasus( Dudley though it was a Stuffed animal, While Harry was firmly in the camp That Hermione had managed to make her own snickerdoodle finally , She’s been trying for months). 

The two boys ran in the direction Of the battle cry as they heard in the distance. Hermione was always on the warpath when someone stole her encyclopedias.

The brothers remembering they had brought their brooms took to the Sky. Ascending into the heavens at a rapid speed. As they flew into the clouds Surrounded by fire, They heard An unfamiliar voice shout “ Bloody brilliant!” 

The Homles brothers Exchange a look. That was a common reaction to Hermione , Dudley suspected the source of the shout was The ginger speck in the distance.

The boys Grinned at each other, And Took off towards their best friend, And her most likely ginger haired new acquaintance. They had to get those encyclopedias back.   
As Harry and Dudley Flew towards the gnome horde , the summoned with all their combined might , As many beater bats as they could find. It was time to play the magical version of Whack a mole.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me! And some Parmesan please!
> 
> The ghosts are back Finally!

the ghostly apparition of Lily Potter Regarded her heavily pregnant sister While munching on an equally Translucent apple. Petunia’s pregnancy Had made first contact remarkably easy, she and James had Appeared to Petunia and Mycroft Just a few weeks ago. Petunia had been Complaining about her never ending pregnancy while Mycroft Repeatedly assured her she was still beautiful, James and Lily had chuckled Heartily while observing Their Emotionally reserved brother in law attempt to reassure his wife. 

They had chosen that moment to materialize to them. In all their ghostly glory, The end result had been a shock for Petunia And Mycroft Producing a handgun from God knows where, And emptying the clip into James and Lily , Which did nothing but put holes in his immaculately decorated ceiling. After the still living couples shock had worn off and the ghostly Pairs Laughter had faded. A serious conversation could be had, They had chatted for hours About nothing and everything . Lily had congratulated her sister, While James Had taken the Mickey out of Mycroft, In a marvelous impression of Sherlock.

So with their First interaction a success Lily and James Became a part of daily life at the Manor. Harry Had been ecstatic to find out his birth parents were ghost,There has been great debate between Harry and Dudley As to the validity of apples having souls After they had watched Lily juggle a few times.

James and Sherlock had become as thick as Thieves, While Lily and John could talk shop, One Healer/doctor to another. James has been drafted into a few surveillance operations with Mycroft. Lilly’s husband had been ecstatic to haunt The Arc de Triomphe, While Lily had taken to keeping Petunia company and consulting on medical cases with John. Lily Had failed Terribly at Suppressing her laughter when Healer Montgomery had jumped in terror At her Materializing in the middle of him Informing Petunia she wouldn’t be giving birth for another 23 weeks at least. Lily honestly pitied her poor sister , poor Petunia looked ready to pop any minute , Lily had taken to acting out one women Plays Like Julius Caesar In an attempt to alleviate poor Tunny’s boredom.

Lily shuddered to think of the stretch marks Petunia would have after having 13 children. Lily after getting the full story About the fertility doctor from her sister advised Petunia to be very careful With what she wished for even in her own head, if all her children even Dudley were magical, then Magic itself had taken an interest in her. And Magic had a way of biting you in the ass. Petunia couldn't agree with her more.

As the sisters commiserated together, The universe gave an ominous chuckle, Petunia had no idea what she was in for. 

Seven years to the day after this moment, Mycroft Holmes Managed to bribe The cosmos itself, into leaving his wife be, when it became clear The universe had decided Petunia would single handily revive the Holmes Dynasty. Mycroft pitied the man that had to redraw the Holmes family tree year after year. Petunia Holmes Was just fortunate That The magical forces of the universe were partial to Parmesan. Mycroft Holmes The living Embodiment of the British government, Had had to Sink A pirate ship Full of Parmesan into the Atlantic just to get magic to leave his wife alone. 

His brother Sherlock Had been ecstatic when Mycroft had asked him to Captain the vessel. Mycroft Had had a hell of a time getting a crew for that vessel, Thank Merlin For the magical world’s propensity to ignore The strange, And Lysander Lovegood’s Passion for sailing And unexplained explosions.

After the expedition, There was An international Parmesan shortage, Mycroft Holmes got a Vasectomy just to be sure After all 23 children was more than enough for one Lifetime , and Dudley Holmes met the love of his Life Even if she was a bit loony.


	16. Chapter 16

Mycroft’s Patience Was about to snap, He had dealt with Warlords, Plagues ,Bumbling French diplomats, But this , this put even Sherlock to shame. His wife had surprised him , And not in a good way , Petunia had given birth Three months ago to 13 children , All health. Thank Merlin, with the smallest Weighing in at 10 pounds even, They weren’t fat babies just big. All of them perfect 10 son and 3 daughters To carry on the Holmes line. 

His mother Violet had practically been crowing with glee at the sight of them. But it wasn’t Mycroft’s own mother That was trying his patience , But the mother of his impressive brood of children. Petunia after three months of recovery was under the impression , That an army of nannies and servants would be raising their children while She shopped in Paris with a Sizable bank account , and no children in toe or husband for that matter. The Row they had had about that had Unfortunately scared the boys, Who were Promptly calmed by Mycroft and Given over to John for safekeeping. While Mycroft rather coldly Explained reality to his wife.

Mycroft Had no problem with the hiring of staff to “ help “ them Care for the children, But by no means were they going to be raised by anyone but their mother and father, Mycroft Use the same tone Of voice He did win speaking to and uppity dictator With Delusions of grandeur. Petunia had gone behind his back To a fertility clinic Without even speaking to him , irregardless as to whether or not he knew about it afterwards, She had not asked him if you wanted more children Not that he did not love the ones they had , He was happy to be a father 15 times over. But that did not disregard the fact that she had gone behind his back For the sole purpose of securing her own position. While Mycroft loved her( It was a shock to him as well but he had told her months ago so it was becoming less alarming with every reiteration) , He would not allow her to walk all over him or Be an absent mother, She wanted to secure her position by having children, So she was bloody well going raise them as their mother, Their would be nannies to help her and him as needed, His parents were moving in permanently To ease their burden but if she thought she was getting out breastfeeding their children she had another thing coming (Their had been A global scandal over Poisoned baby formula Just days before their fight so Risking their children’s lives at that moment was out of the question) It’s a safe source could be found He would be open to it as a supplement of course. Mycroft nearly Growled his last statement,” You wanted wanted those children, Did damn near everything to ensure their creation, You are not going to abandon them, I won’t allow it. If you want this marriage to continue your actual Presents is now a requirement, If you want a divorce tell me now, I will compensate you Generosity and take sole Responsibility for the children, And by that I do mean all the children. Harry and Dudley Are my sons as well.”

Petunia had looked at him rather nervously , As if Just realizing her husband was actually invested in their family, and in the live of their children. she acquiesced To his demands rather Sheepishly, As if it finally dawned on her what this situation meant. Mycroft Having a full understanding of the thoughts going through his wife’s head simply nodded and made his way out of the room with a brief Statement that he would be sleeping in the guest room.

Mycroft Made his way down to Sherlock’s wing of the house To locate his boys. With snickerdoodle hot at his heel The ever present guardian of a Holmes in peril Either physical or emotional.   
Mycroft Found Harry and Dudley Levitating grapes into the fire while Sherlock stood by with a stopwatch shouting ” Rapid Fire”. Rather than interrupting Mycroft Settled into a chair , And John handed him a whiskey. The elder Holmes men Enjoyed the rest of the evening Full of Magical experiences , While The youngest members of the clan slept soundly In a ridiculously large nursery Under the watchful eyes Of their grandparents. While Petunia Tried desperately to come up with a way to repair her relationship.

Petunia was responsible for turning Mycroft into a loving father and a family man , a real one Not just an illusion of one. She had intentionally turned him into that, And she would have to live with the Consequently. Even if the only consequences with A loving home, With a happy chaotic family, And a house full of magic.

Petunia Resolved to herself To be a part of that family , After all she didn’t want to give Violet back the Holmes Tiara.


	17. Chapter 17

Hermione Granger Cackled maniacally as any six-year-old genius would, when trying To win at impersonating a hobgoblin Contest,She was the sixth time reigning champion at this. Much to the annoyance of Ron Weasley. The newest addition to their “counsel of doom”, Dudley had named them, Much to their uncles amusement. Sherlock went So far as to purchase his brother a custom made mug that read,” Proud father of the cochairman of the council of doom.” That particular mug , Had set many A diplomat and intelligence agency on edge, When word had spread The Iceman himself, was a proud father Of children that had Christened themselves The council of doom, France , China, And Argentina had made Formal contingency plans For When the council of doom reached their majority. According to every major global intelligence agency Mycroft Holmes Eldest son were already a cause for Concern if the Greeks were to be believed. The two young boys were reported to have some how Arrived at the Greek acropolis interrupting a massive Arms deal, The two six-year-old inexplicably Manage to subdue 10 of Europe’s most wanted criminals, Intelligence was shaky 

As to how the boys accomplish this But what was clear was the two children’s impressive intelligence To have accomplished such a feat ,Video surveillance of incident was unfortunately lost in the chaos keeping Greek intelligence from getting more information about the incident. But the end result was the same the global intelligence community Was made aware to prepare for the next generation of Holmes. An interesting sidenote one Greek intelligence officer made note of when he arrived on the scene the two boys were crying about not being able to get ice cream after a crime scene. A large black haired man with tattoos arrive to collect the boys Out of thin air it seemed, But he has clearly sprinted from his car as The Greek official had heard it backfiring with a loud crack. The man who collected the boys was later confirmed to be the newly released and exonerated mass murderer Sirius Black, Who has been on every international watchlist after his escape that June. 

The Greek government had later confirmed that the British network had collected Mycroft Holmes’ sons Without explanation. Every nation in Europe added the note in their Holmes file , But Mycroft Holmes had most likely Engineered Sirius Black’s Retrial and release as a massive manipulation of the British court system. Both Greece and France Suspected the man was indeed guilty but through the machinations of Mycroft Holmes , Sirius Black’s name had been cleared so the man who was in no doubt the most deadly men in Europe could serve as his sons personal bodyguard. Rumor around the circus in London was that black was an old magical agent sent undercover to deal with some Some dark threat In that magical prison those crockpot Wizards used. Black was reputed to be Mycroft’s oldest his friend And his son’s godfather. As Rufus Coatsworth had overheard young Harry Holmes say, “ Sirius is my ghost dad’s best friend and he’s my godfather” Among other things to one of Mr. Holmes’s secretaries. 

So with a rumor ,a word, And a little pageantry Sirius black With no effort on his part became Mycroft Holmes’ Secret weapon, Prized assassin, and Most trusted friend.

When Anthea informed Mycroft of this The man nearly choked on his pastry, Sirius and James Cackled like hyenas , Making a noise little Hermione Granger would later describe a ghastly. While The marauders at the table laughed Young Harry Holmes Launched a golf ball magically across the table at his fathers diaphragm. Making The piece of pastry lodged in his father’s throat come loose be projected Onto the painting of his great aunt Muriel.

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Mycroft Seem to be collecting marauders This year. He was starting to think of James as a younger brother Sherlock’s twin if you will , One that was much more useful And willing to conduct Espionage on behalf of the British government. 

James had informed him A miscarriage of justice had occurred in the magical court system a few months back when Mycroft been informed By very nervous Magical minister( Fudge or Fig) The man never stop stuttering enough to actually get his name out. That magical Mass murderer was on the loose, That a Sirius black, Voldemort’s right hand man, Had escaped from Azkaban. The Fury With which the ghostly apparition of James Potter reacted To this news had caused the magical minister to soil himself much to Mycroft’s amusement. The dearly departed Potter patriarch Had read Fudge The riot act. The appearance of Harry Potter’s biological father had nearly given Cornelius fudge a heart attack, With new information the Minister of Magic( If Mycroft had the title right) Sprang into action To appease both of harry Potter’s fathers. An emergency Wizenagot Assembly was called that very same day, Much to Dumbledore’s annoyance He had been planning to attend the international lemon drop appreciation convention that evening.

James Potter In all his ghostly glory testified before the illustrious magical body, James Potter’s present had actually driven every Auror In the room to tears as most Had been his colleagues and friends at one time. Alastair moody a week from retirement Had changed his signature battle cry of constant vigilance to do diligence when Barty Crouch revealed Sirius Black. Have not received a trial.

So with a brief vote And a rapid appeal, Sirius black’s Name was cleared while the man in question was still swimming across the English Channel. Mycroft Network located the half starved wizard in a junkyard in Leon. Anthea was his point of contact the poor man had cried when she greeted him with only the sentence.” James potter cleared your name you’re a free man again  
.”

Black seem to be like a stray dog with the first person that showed him kindness. The marauder had become Anthea’s shadow During his entire recovery from his imprisonment. His health was overseen by The ghostly Lily, John and Healer Montgomery( Who is fast becoming the families go to living magical Physician). Anthea seem to take a liking to him much to Mycroft’s dismay. As the wizard Seem to enjoy taking the Mickey out of him as much as James and Sherlock did. 

In the weeks that followed The Black Mellow drama, Mycroft located The last marauder within his own ranks surprisingly, Remus lupin Was a rising star in The forgery branch of MI6. 

Both men were Vouched for by James, and vetted by Anthea. The two wizards moved into his home within a week of meeting them, They were welcome addition to the legion of need a babysitters , Sirius Taking it upon himself to be the Holmes boys unofficial bodyguard/ dogfather. He had also Somehow become a mythical assassin Mycroft’s oldest cohort From his school days If the circus Rumor mill was to be believed. Never mind that Mycroft was at least five years older than the man. The circus has also decided That Remus lupin was his wife’s Bastard brother, Since he and Dudley had the same sandy blond hair. Mycroft Had shaking his head At the rumors but quietly encouraged them As it may be explaining his home life much easier as well as Gave His household One more legendarily deadly member.( Mycroft still can’t believe The Americans were spreading the rumor that Sirius Black Had killed Jimmy Hoffa). 

Mycroft Had still given The black haired playboy wizard the shovel talk When Anthea announced their Engage. Mycroft Had of course taken the term shovel talk literally , knocking Sirius out I’m dragging him to To the quicksands of Darthmore , Where the Black heir Came to Half buried in the sand with Mycroft Sherlock and John standing over him. Former prisoner got the message loud and clear, If he ever hurt Anthea , He would just disappear.

Sirius was still picking sand out of Various personal areas a month later. Sirius Had simply been glad He was harry’s godfather, He didn’t want to know what a shovel talk was for someone who wasn’t family.


	18. Chapter 18

John Granger a prominent London dentist was smoking a blunt With Sherlock Holmes, Sirius Black , And of all people Violet Holmes while John Watson And the ghost of James Potter stood watch over the group. All of the adults in the number Simply needed a moment to relax, All 13 of the Holmes infants Had colic , at the same time , the Screaming and lack of sleep was driving everyone including Violet Holmes made. Sherlock had finally had enough and left a note for his brother and grabbed the Marijuana he kept in the sitting room behind the Statue of William McGovern for emergencies. Nearly every other adult in the house Joined him, While Petunia and Mycroft As well as an army of nurses fussed over the younger children , while Hermione Granger And older Holmes brothers Set about Learning cartography by mapping the estate Gardens, What the children Neglected to tell the adults was that they were mapping the subterranean gnome colony Present at the Manor, The children were determined to recover Hermione’s stolen library, the bloody gnome had taken everything but The complete works of Jane Austen from Hermione’s room in the last week. 

While Hermione was lost in a blind fury at the thief of her beloved library, Harry and Dudley where delighted at the Discovery of the Super gnome colony That had tunnels running from London to Wilshire, the boys were discussing co-authoring a paper on the Similarities of gnome colonies to the super colonies of the Argentine ants , The brothers were certain Hermione would be open to the idea once they had retrieved her beloved books , After all Hermione’s personal collection contained a number of first editions Smuggled to her by the Holmes brothers From their grandparents personal library. Harry and Dudley even at the age of six Understood something ever Holmes man learned at an early age , always stay on the good side of the women that are smarter then you. It was the golden rule among the Holmes men for centuries it had served them well, Sigmund Holmes could Personally attest to that , after 50 years of marriage to his brilliant wife. 

Well the children charted the underground labyrinth, The adults discussed a battle plan, as the entire family was living under one roof, the Cavaness Manor was becoming rather crowded , Mycroft had simply told his brother to handle it When it was brought to his attention. The Iceman was much is Preoccupied with his young brood, And running the British empire At the same time.  
So Sherlock did want any man with access to magic and a responsible husband would do, He put John in charge of it, Which by extension also put the other John in charge of it. Which resulted in a magically expanded Manor Which was warded to the gills Courtesy of Remus, Anthea and Sirius. The house now had 80 bedrooms 25 of them being master suites, ( Just on the off chance Mycroft had more children), Lily and James Had claimed the newly renovated attic in the East wing as their domain, While Anthea, Sirius and Remus Took up the rest of the way, John and Sherlock claimed the West Wing Along with Sherlock’s parents, Sherlock Holmes had insisted upon it , as it was be best location to shine a laser point into Mycroft’s office. Harry Sherlock and Dudley Had amused Themselves More than once with that activity Making snickerdoodle chase around The laser in Mycroft’s office , The beloved family pet always caused quite a ruckus when the boys did this . If the laser was pointed at the ceiling Snickerdoodle the part time umbrella Had a habit of pulling a Mary Poppins, On one memorable occasion the adventurous hello did this in front of the Swiss Diplomat that was negotiating with Mycroft. The dog terrified and that made the diplomat so much he agreed to all of Mycroft’s stipulations, Just saw the man would have the opportunity to investigate the British levitation technology. One of the wonderful things about having a magical household with a patriarch That was the living embodiment of the British government, Everyone assumed any odd Occurrence with the results of some advanced experimental technology being developed for the Holmes family or British intelligence. More than one Member of the global intelligence organization had attempted to infiltrate the Manor complex, To find out about their advanced technology. Nearly every operative that had been foolish enough to take the assignment has been caught and Chased over the External security fence by snickerdoodle or a bored Sirius. Sirius had Gargled Listerine for a week after biting one of the Portuguese operatives on the ass, while in his Animangus form. The Grangers Seemed to be perpetual house guest Of the Holmes family, To the point Mycroft Holmes Had not so subtly had all of the Granger clans belongings packed up and shipped to the Manor moving them into the West Wing with the rest of the extended family, Hermione and her parents had effectively been Absorbed into the family. None of the Grangers had even noticed they had been home in over 3 months And that their belongings seem to mysteriously appear in their rooms over the course of a few weeks. Mycroft had even gone so far as rent our the Granger’s home to give them a bit of a Supplemental income, and a bit of an incentive to stay at the Manor . Hermione’s presence are the Holmes Estate made Mycroft’s eldest sons Extraordinarily happy, and In the ever present Holmes tradition, Mycroft moved heaven and earth to keep his children that way. And the adult Grangers helps preserve John Watson’s sanity , As the two Grangers and a Watson Where a wonderful source of reason and practicality Among the population of the Manor. And Mycroft and Petunia Were more than happy to have a few more babysitters. Helen Granger and Lily Potter seemed to be at time The only thing standing between Petunia and infant induced insanity Despite Mycroft’s best efforts. Not even a year after her last pregnancy Petunia found out she was expecting again, Mycroft upon hearing the news Probably called his now regular construction company, And poured himself and his father Sigmund a whiskey. After this last year there was no longer a danger of the Holmes family’s Extinction. Mycroft was just relieved After much reassurance from John and Lily petunia was only carrying triplets this time. 

Lily may have had to quietly inform her sister, that she had been marked by magic, A curse if you will  
To encourage her maternal instincts. The Cosmos Was laughing maniacally at the former gold digger , blessing her with the family she had always wanted. Violet Holmes Was mentally doing backflips at the news, At this rate she could field an entire polo team with her grandchildren, She couldn’t wait to rub it in Elizabeth’s face , as her old friend From her mechanic days in the armed forces Couldn’t help rubbing in her nine grandchildren every time she saw Violet. 

Throughout the globe every head of state gave a mysterious icy shutter, Subconsciously everyone of them knew there were a few more Holmes To guard the British Empire.


	19. Chapter 19

Albus Dumbledore sighed As he sank down into his chair, Yet another of the letters he had written to petunia Had come back return to sender, The headmaster lamented as he fed Fox the Pheonix a Biscuit, He had lost all control of the situation, Harry Potter was now Harry Holmes ( That had caused quite the uproar among the magical community, But the Scandal had disappeared quickly after the ghost of Lily Potter Gave the Prophet An exclusive interview, Saying how ecstatic she was her son had a loving stepfather coming from An illustrious Pedigree, Rumors abound The Terrifying Muggle known as Mycroft Holmes Was in fact a pureblood wizard. An old school chum of the Potter and The Black A few wizards from Hogwarts had even insisted they remembered Mycroft Holmes and his brother Sherlock As members of Ravenclaw House , All of which of course was preposterous but the rumors 

Allowed the magical community to rationalize the Terrifying man that had taken over the boy who lived care. No wizard or witch alive Would believe the man that had effectively seized control Of the British magical world was a Muggle himself. Albus had of course atTempted to dispel the rumors That Mycroft Holmes was a Wizard, As it gave the man a great deal of political power, But Lucius Malfoy of all people insisted every rumor was true, Lucius unbeknownst to most of the magical community was being blackmailed rather effectively by Mycroft’s assistant Anthea, Who was an old friend of Narcissa , And she knew all about Lucius’ indiscretion With the Nymphs During his sixth year. That blackmail material was more than enough to keep the elder Malfoy Compliant with the simple request That he fan the flames Of the Holmes clan Legendary rumor mill. Which had expanded to speculate that Mycroft Holmes was a protégé of the legendary alchemist Nicholas Flamel. Rumor has it he also duel Voldemort To a standstill, An accomplishment That had actually been achieved by James Potter himself. As Albus well knew, But any appeal to the ghostly Potter Fell on deaf ears, After his third request albus came to realize that James Potter’s ghost was working with Holmes And unlikely to break with him. So Albus In a last ditch effort to regain control of the situation went to the mastermind himself. He wrote Mycroft Holmes requesting a meeting. And to Dumbledore’s surprise The iceman acquiesced.

They would meet At the London library at noon the next week.

Albus Arrived early that following Monday at the great Muggle library In central London, bedecked In his customary attire of Chartreuse robes With bumblebees on them And his half moon spectacles, Albus expected The Muggle to be waiting for him. But instead he was jump from behind with a bag shoved over his head, his wrists tied And his wand confiscated from him. Albus Dumbledore the Suprememugwump of the ICU and chief warlock of the Wizangamot was Hogtied in the back of a van Making its way towards a certain factory in London’s East End. Where Patriarch of the Holmes clan waited this assistant , And the ever present snickerdoodle this time in umbrella form for easy travel. 

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Upon arrival Albus Dumbledore was pulled out of the van his legs untied and instructed to walk, With two men on either side of him guiding him, He eventually came to a stop and was shoved into a chair where One of the men, Started to check them over muttering Latin phrases and medical terminology Dumbledore didn’t recognize, The old man surmised it must be a healer checking him over for injuries. The bag was pulled off his head and the two men step back. Albus did a rapid assessment Of his surroundings once the bag was removed. He reGuarded The dark industrial building he appeared to be in and the tall intimidating man With the umbrella standing in front of him. Albus Dumbledore locked eyes with Mycroft Holmes And nonverbally cast “Legillameces”. Albus Dumbledore invaded the mind of the Iceman. That was his seventh mistake of the day.

Albus Dumbledore was greeted not with memories or recollections of the conversations When he entered Mycroft Holmes mind , Instead he was face-to-face with the dragon. The First gate keeper In the labyrinth that was Mycroft’s mind palace. The headmaster ran for his life and felt dragon fire roasting his derrière as he rounded the corner. Running deeper into the hazardous Labrinth that protected Mycroft’s thoughts and desires. Dumbledore had failed to realize that the Holmes line was on of the few Muggle families that Wizards Called Occlemency proof, If you wander too deep into a mind palace a Muggle can rip you out of your own head. Albus Dumbledore was trapped in a foreign land until it’s Creator let him out if Mycroft ever did.

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In the few moments Albus was trapped, John Watson and Sherlock Holmes shared a ham sandwich, The couple had missed lunch for this, Rather anticlimactic Meeting. Anthea was busy organizing an extraction for a few of Mycroft’s Polish operatives, And texting Sirius Her fiancé who now owed her 20 Gallions , the Black Heir Had been foolish enough to bet That Dumbledore wouldn’t attempt legilamency On a Holmes. It was an act punishable by 10 years in Azkaban after all.

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Mycroft Had quickly grown bored Watching Albus Attempt to fight his way through his mind palace.He had hoped Dumbledore would simply follow The signs directing him to the exit into Mycroft’s Current location within his own mind. The man had Requested a private meeting, Mycroft had every intention Of giving it to him, But he wasn’t going to hold the wizards hand, If he didn’t figure it out Within the hour, He wasn’t worth Mycroft’s time. Or the effort it would take to consult him on the matter of Voldemort or the Horcruxes Healer Montgomery, Sirius , and Remus Had cleansed from Harry’s scare last month. They had had to perform an ancient Incan Spirit cleansing ritual and trap the soul fragment within a potted plant which was been submerged In a bucket full of basilisk venom. Which did the job of destroying both soul fragment and plant quite nicely. The only downside to the operation had been Mummy’s ( Violet’s) Dismay at the destruction of her favorite lily of the valley. But it was destroyed for the purpose of healing her grandson So Violet Holmes Let it go rather easily only insisting on it replaced and the construction of five new green houses on Mycroft’s property. Which was easy to agree to, It would keep his mother and surprisingly his wife quite happy, Both women had bonded recently of a mutual love of cultivating Tiger lilies. 

Mycroft had assumed Dumbledore had contacted him having detected the removal of the soul fragment, Or perhaps based on the rumors the Holmes clan were hunting for old artifacts belonging to the founders. It was rather unfortunate Mycroft was starting to suspect he had overestimated the Hogwarts headmaster. 

Albus Dumbledore was intelligent no doubt but he was used to playing Wizards chess And Not 3-D chess. Albus was a master of his game, but not Of the caliber Mycroft had hoped for, This was Margaret Thatcher all over again but to Mycroft’s disappointment. 

Mycroft Pull himself out of his Musing as Albus Dumbledore finally figured it out and followed the clearly marked Exit signs. Walking through the door in the labyrinth coming out in Mycroft Study on the other side. 

Mycroft Gestured for Albus to take a seat Opposite him. Albus settled himself in the obsidian chair and regarded Mycroft Calculatingly Mycroft smiled to himself, The old Wizard might be promising after all. Let the games begin.

Mycroft Moved his pawn On the board between them. It was time to assess if Albus was an enemy or an ally, Or Switzerland for that matter.

Mycroft took Albus’ King After only two hours, Mycroft Was a tad disappointed with the man but satisfied enough with his assessment of him. The Headmaster would be useful After all but would need constant reminders that he was not in control of the board. With the conversation Over the game Albus’ intentions For this meeting where disappointingly clear, He had plans for harry , Ones that most likely would put Mycroft's eldest son Against Whatever was left of Voldermort Most likely during Harry’s Hogwarts years. Which simply would not do Mycroft has great plans for both his sons but Harry most of all , which included the boy Growing up into a clever young man, Most likely married to Miss Granger after his University years If some other girl didn’t come along. Mycroft had great hopes he would get a few grandchildren from both his eldest sons And that Harry Would take over the practical side of the intelligence operations when he was old enough.

Dumbledore’s plans would have his boy dead Before he even reached his majority, Mycroft would not allow about plans That would have petunia picking out a casket for their son before he was even old enough to enlist Or run for office.

The Holmes family chess master Swept the board away after taking Albus’s King And dismiss the man from his mind. 

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John Watson had just finished the last bite of his rather dry half of a ham sandwich, When Mycroft and their guest Came out of his mind palace. John glanced at his watch five minutes, The old man must not have lived up to the hype, They had planned for at least 15 minutes, John had even brought a case file from Scotland yard to keep Sherlock occupied. John Watson simply shrugged And spun Albus Dumbledore’s wand in his hand, The industrial lights flickering early off the Elder wand’s handle. 

Mycroft Simply nodded at Albus and asked ,” Do we have an understanding?”

The Headmaster simply nodded Stiffly and requested his wand back. Anthea from beside Mycroft Chimed in then Informing Dumbledore it would be returned to him at the end of his journey. John pulled the bag over the wizard head after receiving the signal from Sherlock. 

Sherlock grumbled about not being one of Mycroft’s men While they Hogtied the Supreme mugwump once again. John smiley kissed his grumpy husband and promised him a Reward once their task was done. Sherlock had grinned wickedly at that, Deducing what it was .

A severed head waited for Sherlock in the Refrigerator of the Manor kitchen Courtesy of a favor Molly Hooper owed John. Petunia Holmes Nearly had a conniption when when she discovered it , just before Sherlock and John got home.


	20. Chapter 20

Things continued relatively normal for the next few years, Petunia gave birth to healthy triples, Mycroft and Sherlock Successfully subdued members of a Polish Cult attempting To Steal part of the British Armada, John Watson and Lily Potter Successfully wrote and published a few scientific papers on petunia’s record-breaking pregnancy. Albus Dumbledore every month or so needed to be reminded he was not The Chessmaster of this grand game, Anthea was forced to take maternity leave, Petunia’s magical blessing/curse appeared to be spreading Sirius black was now the proud father of three boys , That would no doubt grow up thick as thieves the newest Holmes brood. Healer Montgomery Had made an interesting modification to the wolfsbane potion. Completely Containing the werewolves ability to spread the disease effectively rendering an infected werewolf With a properly administered potion Regiment safe for Wizard society Even when transformed. Remus werewolf form, Instead of being A painful curse became almost like an extended Animangus transformation, Where Remus was completely in control. While all the joyous magical news Unfolded, John and Helen Granger finally noticed they haven’t been home in almost a year. And when they drove back to Wilshire for a day they found a lovely Bulgarian family renting their home. Mr. Granger had not been happy, A shouting match had taken place between Mycroft and the dentist. The end result at least was a happy one, much to Mycroft’s glee.!The Granger Voluntarily sold their home, And now consciously moved into the Manor. Though John and Helen when Mildly disturbed by the Miral of the Holmes family tree With all of their names on it( Including John Helen and Hermione) . With Hermione’s named Already positioned between Harry and Dudley As if waiting for a red line to connect them, John got the eerie feeling the Holmes Family Skill of observation Might also give them Premonitions. John silently resigned himself to what the future might bring, if his Daughter married a Holmes . It couldn’t be anymore complicated their His daughter’s best friend’s father Effectively moving the Granger family in to the Manor with them even noticing. However it did explain how John and Helen Granger became the dentists for half of Parliament In the last few years.

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Harry Holmes Grinned at his brother As the two raced through the Highland sky, They were back at the grandparents for the summer, Having both Just turned eight, The brothers were gifted new brooms and a complete set of Quidditch ball By their ever indulgent grandmother. Harry determined to play Seeker During his Hogwarts years. Was having Dudley chase him around the sky’s countryside whacking a Bludgger At him as hard as he could, While Harry tried to work on his dodging skilled. While the Holmes Brothers. Were flying in a dodge and weave pattern, Young Hermione Granger was shooting through the sky around them Harry and Dudley had Finally convinced Hermione to put Damien out to pasture, And try flying on a broom the boys favorite Granger Had taken to it like a fish to water. The holmes brothers We’re already in silent consensus they would be spending the next few years convincing Hermione to play chaser For whatever house the three of them landed in, Harry and Dudley Had decided on Hufflepuff or Gryffindor To follow the family tradition, But Hermione was Favoring Ravenclaw or Slytherin, As of her ninth birthday. Ron while not the ever present companion Hermione was to the brothers, Was firmly. Of the belief he was Gryffindor bound Like all of his brothers. Ron had been ecstatic when they started playing Quidditch together a few times a week once Hermione Got the hang of a broom, The youngest male Weasley Was happy to spend time with his friends or anyone that came from a larger family then his , Ron’s mum Molly Still couldn’t believe the Holmes boys had 16 younger siblings all under the age of three, Until she meet Petunia Holmes A few weeks ago at Harry and Dudley combined birthday party. The poor woman was heavily pregnant again with two babies on each of her hips and an army of nannies minding the rest.  
The mother of the Gigantic Holmes brood was expecting Quadruplets this time. Molly Weasley having met the woman could not be more grateful she only had seven children To contend with. But at least the Weasley matriarch observed, Petunias’s husband Seemed ever present with his family, helping to mind and playing with the children, With an army of assistants Interrupting periodically to get his signature or Instructions on various international operations. The Holmes clan seems To be astronomical in scale but a Ridiculously happy family, where chaos Reigned periodically, and at least two uncles or aunts were always on hand to babysit or supervise Some sort of magical experiment for the children.

Molly’s husband Arthur Had been fascinated by the concept and Main activity of the eldest Holmes boys Eighth eighth birthday party, Lasertag such a novel concept What would those Muggles think of next. Hermione Granger had terrified all involved in the game With her army of gnomes Wielding laser pointers, Victory had been assured for the Combined Holmes/Weasley/Granger team Using Ron’s strategic brain, Harry’s ingenuity, Dudley’s creativity, And Hermione calling in the life debt Half the gnomes in England owed her after The encyclopedia Britannica incident a few months before Harry’s party.

Sherlock Holmes Had lead the charge against the gnome hoard And had fallen valiantly In battle after taking a rather savage gnome known as Hans Von Pfeffernusse to the face. Sirius had had to transform Into padfoot and Eat the savage gnome In order to get the beast to stop attacking the poor Holmes, Pfeffernusse had given Sirius Indigestion for over a week until he came The other side, And the newly minted Anthea Black Knocked The rabid gnome Out with a cricket bat. 

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The Holmes Brother couldn’t wait for their Parents return after the summer . Their father Mycroft had taken their pregnant mother Petunia To the ivory coast in search of a well respected fertility healer/ Witch doctor. Who might be able to reverse petunia’s Cosmic curse/blessing Of over Abundant fertility and frequent pregnancies. 

The Magical fertility specialist Had taken one look at her and shaking his head, The universe Had taken a liking to her and magic itself was determined to grant her greatest wish for a large and loving family Despite the fact that she was now begging for it to stop, and seeing that Petunia was happy, Magic was determined to keep her that way Perpetually unless They could distract the magical energies Focused on petunia so other way . She would continue to have one pregnancy after another for at least the next decade. Mycroft had basically growled at the shaman Demanding to know how one distracted The magical cosmic forces of the universe, The magical healer Had grinned At Mycroft With the largest smile he had ever seen and said with a voice that was clearly trying to suppress laughter The man responded, “ Through bribery my friend!”

With that Mycroft Set about commissioning a 17th century pirate ship And buying up as much Parmesan cheese as he could get his hands on.


	21. Chapter 21

Kingston Reginald Holmes Grinned at his brothers and sisters All 12 of them that he shared a birthday with. The newly minted three-year-olds combined their magic into the greatest prank of their lives so far. With their combined magical will they turned every Statue at The Manor from their original forms into badgers sitting in a chair Sipping tea, The statues every last one of them would swear in Bulgarian at someone walking by ( Uncle Sherlock had taught them them language just last week) . 

The best part of their prank was At least if you asked Kingston or Darius or any of the others, Harry and Dudley would get blamed for it( Or they would have it the younger Holmes had remembered their older brother were in Devon with their father). This slip up caused all 13 siblings to receive their first ever timeout. Under Grandpa Holmes watchful eye. They were told to be silent because their three younger brothers the triplets were fast asleep in their cribs and mummy was on bed rest again pregnant with yet more member of the Holmes ever expanding brood , Petunia had nearly cried when Kingston asked her if they were going to a million brothers and sisters , Aunt Lily the ghost had laughed When he had asked, and said, “ Not if you dad had anything to say about it . Little guy, Pirate ships just take time to build.” Kingston’s look of confusion at her answer just made her laugh that much more. And add,” I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

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Harry and Dudley loved there younger siblings dearly But like all older brothers they were fairly certain the collective younger siblings were pure evil , And annoying on occasion. So they were more than relieved when their father took them with him to Dover. To check on the progress of the construction of the secret family pirate ship at the DOver shipyards. Mycroft had said they were finally old enough to go with him, finally old enough to Learn a few things about family trade. 

“ Espionage?” Dudley had asked hopefully. Which had caused Mycroft to grin wickedly at his boys and correct them. “ No boys, not Espionage, The family trade is outwitting the enemy, Even if that enemy is the universe itself.” Mycroft Finished with that and watch his boys down toward a half finished three-masted vessel, Designed for one chaotic and Magnificent mission.

The boys follow their at a run , eager to see the ship . But as they drew closer They noticed a man in the half finished rigging Wearing a tricorn hat and a costume beard as red as Ron Weasley’s hair. Their Uncle Sherlock, had taken his role as Captain of the unfinished vessel A bit too seriously. Their Uncle John has told their father sounding resigned to the fact that Sherlock had declared himself Captain Redbeard of the HMS. Vasectomy, Mycroft Had given John a look as if hoping he was joking. Which John answered with a chuckle and adjuster to the haul of the vessel Where the shipbuilder Was busy painting the name of the ship In a brilliant Crimson in sharp contrast with the Black haul of the ship.

Mycroft had taken one look at the name and bellowed ,” Sherlock!”

The answering cackle Could be heard throughout the docks . As Sherlock Holmes captain of the HMS vasectomy Called down to his brother, “ You can’t change it now Mycroft. It’s bad Luck to rename a vessel Before It’s maiden voyage. “

And so The HMS vasectomy got to keep its name, And experience Its first attempted murder even before it left drydock. John Watson had had to pull Mycroft off of Sherlock , but Mycroft has still managed to get one good swing in. Sherlock did nothing but grin Maniacally at his brother for the rest of the day proudly sporting a shiner while they all reviewed the Vessel. 

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Anthea Black Sighed in relief as she sat down in her office chair for the first time in nearly a year. Mycroft has insisted she talk it easy Refusing to allow her back to work before she fully recovered from her pregnancy. Much to her irritation, Mycroft was insane cautious when it came to pregnant women since Petunia’s first few pregnancies, Mycroft nearly had Sirius convince she need to be one bed rest at 4 months , thankfully she and Lily had managed to Put a stop to that Notion but not before Sirius had bought the most comfortable enchanted bed on the market . So Anthea ended up sleep 14 hours a day instead For the rest of her pregnancy. After the first time it happened she had hexed her husband Repeatedly before going to take a nap , they bed was Heavenly, but just because she was pregnant didn’t mean she was an Invalid. Anthea continued to run operations a  
As Mycroft’s Second in command, In spite of Both Mycroft and Sirius’ protests. Both finally relented But insisted she work from home, For the rest of her pregnancy all 5 months of it. Anthea had nearly Taking off John Watson’s head when he insisted on following the same protocols They had implemented with Petunia for her first pregnancy, she was having Triplets not an entire rugby team like Petunia’s first installment of the Holmes ever Expanding brood. John has simply smiled at her and said,” You know Sherlock and Mycroft see you as their all knowing sister, and a member of the Holmes Clan . Violet and Sigmund have been trying to formally adopt you as an adult for the last decade, but you always refuse. You might as well face it , your part of the clan, Violet going to insist your kids call her grandma just like Mycroft’s brood and Even Hermione. Might as well just Embrace it, You know how bloody stubborn the Holmes can be.”

Anthea overall was happy as a clam to be back to work as normal with a Husband that wanted nothing morn in the world them to stay home with the family , didn’t mind looking after the children and managing The extensive assets of the ancient and Noble house of Black while his wife Keep the wheels turning with the British Empire. Anthea smiled to herself and started texting out orders to mobilized the Network to contain a rebel group in Italy And to rescue a few hostages in Belgium.  
Anthea smiled And took a sip of her tea, it was good to be back at the office without the statues swearing and Singing Penzance every ten minutes.


	22. Chapter 22

Harry Holmes Hissed In parceltongue to a basket full of garden snakes As he walked through the main tunnel Of the gnome Subterranean complex that ran from London to Edinburgh, His brother Dudley And Hermione were right behind him Preparing the magic carpet, Their grandfather had bought for them on the last family shopping trip to magical Paris( the Holmes clan much pReferred The Parisian market Place to Diagon Alley as wizards still mobbed the family when ever they saw Harry and to a much lesser extent Hermione as she was the little witch Responsible For the sharp decline in gnome Infestation in magical Gardens , Hermione has simply negotiate with the gnome king to move 80 percent of the gnome population in Britian to Hyde park in London where their was more than enough garbage and leaves to Sustain the entire super colony) .

The Holmes Brother and Hermione were planning to race Harry’s snakes to Wiltshire to see if the rumor where true that snakes had A special s Magic But let them travel miles at a time without wizard intervention. In other words they were seeing if Garden snakes could teleport. On their way to pick up Ron and the twins well pretty much the entire Weasley family But the adults and Bill who had started at Gringotts yesterday Thanks to a recommendation letter from the Holmes Patriarch. They were going to have 5 on 5 Quidditch match on the Weasley’s home pitch With a full team each Just without the beaters. 

But first their experiment, Harry dumped out the basket full of Non-venomous snakes after giving them their instruction to go to Wilshire, And jumped on the magic carpet with the others , Dudley hit the gas magically the second Harry’s bottom Hit the carpet. They took off with such force Harry was knocked back into Hermione and they both required Dudley to stabilize them. Harry was watching the snakes intently while Hermione took meticulous notes. And Dudley drove the carpet. Periodically they would see little portals materialize With a hiss As they spend down the passageway For over an hour. Passing a few gnomes That Bowes to Hermione In respect as They sped passed . As they approached the Wiltshire tunnel They heard hissing in front of them, A giant group of snakes was directly in front of them. Hermione took furious notes While Dudley laughed, And Harry grinned And declared,” My hypothesis was right! Snakes can teleport in there faster then a Magic carpet . Maybe we should talk to dad and see if he wants to use them as messengers for the network?”

Dudley and simply laughed and said,” We can when we get back, We’ve got a Quidditch game to win .” Dudley Tapped Hermione on the shoulder Interrupting her meticulous notetaking while Harry collected the snakes Dudley asked,” Do you remember If we go left or right at the Wilshire exit for this Tunnel To get to the Weasley’s back garden?”

Hermione sighed A little theatrically but all in good fun, And pointed her pencil to the left Before going back to her notes. 

Harry got back on the carpet And Dudley Delivered them safely to the Weasleys where Harry thanked the snakes in front to Charlie And release them back into the wild. Charlie Weasley ever be interested magical zoologist, Started asking Hermione about the experiment, While Dudley and Harry Rolled up the magic carpet an stored into the the Weasley’s Tool shed. Dudley went into the Burrow To collect the other Weasleys While Harry had Charlie Unshrink their brooms.

With everyone present the match began , In the final Weasley versus Weasley/Holmes/Granger match of the summer Before school started up again.

Ron played keeper Opposite his brother Charlie, Ginny and Harry were both seekers While all the others played chaser For this match . The Competition was brutal, With a quaffle Hitting Ron so hard he flew back into a tree from one catch, Dudley got bored at one point and booped Hermione’s for the hell of it Making her laugh so hard they were both distracted long enough for the twins to score four times in a row. But the combined team eventually won the match after Harry potter snitch with his teeth. 

So the last game of the summer tournament came to an end with two disqualifications a mild concussion( That Charlie healed Quite easily) and a score of 90 to 210. Team Holmes/Weasley/Granger was victorious yet again. 

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Sirius black, Remus lupin, and the ghostly Aberration of James Potter. All watched The match disillusioned at a safe distance, Each munching on an apple As had become their tradition. Sirius Fulfilling the role of Quidditch announcer. Making James grin ear to ear and Boast That Slytherin Wouldn’t know what hit them when The Potter/Holmes/Granger/Weasley line Finally joined the Gryffindor ranks . Remus simply smirked and said you never know “ they might all be in Hufflepuff together instead . Dudley’s certainly fond of black and yellow.” The werewolf said just to take the Mickey out of his best friend. Sirius and James both dog piled on Remus Demanding he take it back. Remus finally cried uncle while the children Were cleaning up their game. The wizards grinned at each other While they all watched the kids heading into the Burrow for one of Molly Weasley’s Magnificent home cooked meals.

Sirius looked At both his fellow marauders and Suggested hopefully,” McGregor’s for old times sake?”  
Remus and James both acquiesced immediately In the trio teleported their Promptly. The Remus rubbed his shoulder. Most of the night where James had landed on him, If Remus Hadn’t known better He would’ve said in that instant James was as solid As he used to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested in knowing who Liam McGregor isn’t why The marauders are going to McGregors pub for old time sake, here is the link :   
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/21835954


	23. Chapter 23

Petunia Holmes was in pregnancy hell , her water had broken a month early , with no one around to help her but her ghostly sister ,Lily. When Petunia nearly collapsed from the pain , Lily caught, LILY CAUGHT HER! , The shark was enough to pull Petunia Past the pain back to reality, Her translucent sister who had been dead for nearly 8 years now was holding her hand and taking part of Petunia’s weight Helping her stand. Lily looked a startled by this As Petunia was , Petunia filed the Lily Is a poltergeist now situation Away for later(. A method of compartmentalization Mycroft Had taught her years ago But she had just gotten the hang of ). The month early quadruplets she was carrying we are a more pressing matter, Petunia looked to her healer of a sister For what to do, Lily had her lay down on the bed in a rather odd position while Lily herself Hit the panic button on the table next to Petunia . Lilly’s hand remarkably didn’t go through it but actually succeeded in pushing down the button. The warning system set an emergency alarm to the Holmes family Private flying obstetrics team And sent an emergency alert to Every family member cellphone. Mycroft was in Italy for the week, He would no doubt have to wrap things up early. He had been hoping To avoid a body count this time around. John and Sherlock were in the Swiss Alps dealing with a case For Interpol with an abducted engineer, the Situation Has been handled Sherlock and John were both getting stitches but no one died the captors However lost a few fingers someone( John) Had given Sherlock a machete and left him unsupervised. That tended to end badly For the criminals. It would take John and Sherlock Hours to get back home, Healer Montgomery And Violet Holmes were in. Residence thankfully but Sigmund had taken the children to Ireland so explore the Giants Causeway Among other Geological sites.

The flying obstetrics team and Healer Montgomery arrived in under three minutes with Violet Holmes not far behind. No one on the medical team questioned Lily’s Ability to hold petunias hand until hours after the emergency had passed.

Petunia’s labor Had started early And the Healer couldn’t stop it They could only slow it down. Poor Petunia had to down The most ghastly of pregnancy potions, a labor delay Draft. The poor woman would be in labor for the next month until her actual due date, the magical medical community didn’t believe in Artificial incubators not when when the mother’s womb was Available, no matter how uncomfortable it made the mother, Petunia would be in early labor for at least the next month, on bed rest once again. Lily held her sister’s hand While petunia Did an exceptional impression of an experienced sailor Trying to pass a kidney stone the size of Vancouver, her Particular word choice With regards to her husband and castration made even Violet Holmes Chuckle. 

It took nearly a week for every member of the family to return to the Manor, Mycroft Most of the next month having his hand crushed by his wife while she cursed him to Hell and back.   
Sigmund After consulting Mycroft decided to extend the children’s trip to Ireland until after the completion of petunia’s arduous labor. So Upon the return of the great Holmes hoard, For new members were there to greet them. Along with their exhausted mother and Mildly terrifying father( Mycroft Had spent the last month being threatened rather creatively. By his wife, Mycroft how do even had to consult His brother Sherlock as to whether or not a sleeping draft and battery acid Could do that to a man’s Loins)

When Harry and Dudley Asked if the babies Were boys or girls Petunia put into them they had four new brothers, And she had added rather Absentmindedly,” That boys shouldn’t worry Statistically the next ones Were probably going to be girls.” Both Mycroft and Petunia Went a little pail When they realized her mistake. Within six months petunia was pregnant yet again this time with twin girls, Mycroft Had had to restock The wine cellar with the news, They were up to 21 now with these two. That damn pirate ship needed to be constructed faster, Mycroft loved all his children But he had no desire to be able to field a polo match From his brood alone, There was a line between a large family and the utterly ridiculous in size. 

And then there was the matter of Lily and James turning into poltergeist, Which all in all was relatively happy news, The potters could now Interact with the entire family pick up objects hug Harry, Play the ukulele if they so choose. They could do pretty much anything a ghost or a Muggle could, But they were not quite back to the land of the living, Lily and James Could only manifest completely around people they knew before their death or family. So in a hypothetical scenario, In a fight James and Lily could brawl like Muggle But they couldn’t cast a single spell, Their magic had died with them. Anthea hypothesized they were anchored to Harry or Petunia . Their spirits would stay on the model plane for as long as their anchor lived Before passing on to the afterlife where the rest of their Loved ones awaited . And that would be decades away if Mycroft had anything to say about it.

Mycroft Took another sip of his whiskey and scratched snickerdoodle behind his ears, It was much more Layer of crazy To the Holmes Extended family. At least now Harry would know what it felt like To be hugged by both sets of his parents.


	24. Chapter 24

Cochairman of the council of doom Reclined under a tree watching their newest Initiates attempting to master the broom, Harry and Dudley Had spent the last few hours Teaching their younger siblings the finer points of flying. They were on their grandparents estate in the Highlands of Scotland, The property was better warded then Hogwarts So there was no danger of any Muggles seeing their younger siblings Whoop with glee, Spin perpetually in a clockwise motion 10 feet in the air , Run into the same tree 17 times( Cassius ), Or Attempting to Race Hedwig( Darius, Kingston , and Poppy Had lost horribly). All of their younger siblings were quickly becoming proficient with a broom, Except for Constantine and Octavia who both much preferred the flying carpet. The eldest Holmes brothers, Had turned 10 years old just two weeks prior. Causing both brothers to make it their personal mission To prepare their younger siblings to maintain the current level of pranks and chaos The eldest brothers Maintained currently while they were away at school , One certainly couldn’t let standards slip Just because the ringleaders were pursuing higher education. Harry and Dudley Had a year To prepare their younger siblings for they’re great responsibility, Raising Hell without their brothers supervision.

While the Co- chairman for the council of doom Oversaw flight instruction, the president and treasurer of the council were busy negotiating a trade deal Between the gnomes of England and Wales, There was great debate over the shape and quality Of the broken pottery the English , gnomes we’re shipping to Wales for consumption, The welsh gnome King had suffered from severe indigestion after eating a particularly large Piece of red enamel pottery. The Welsh Gnomes wanted a ban On red glazed pottery shipments because of that. Red dye number 40 didn’t agree with Welsh Gnomes stomach it seemed, Hermione and Ron chose to intervene rather than allow an international incident on a gnome scale. Plus Ron rather liked the Biscuits the gnomes stole From Buckingham palace for them.

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Mycroft and Petunia Holmes , Along with Lily and James Potter and the Grangers , and Sirius and Anthea Black Were in Uganda Touring yet another Magical school, After the fourth John and Sherlock had claims severe boredom and flown back to England , As to avoid Sherlock blowing up A potions lab For the hell of it. The collective group of parents were debating Where to send their children for their magical education, Anthea while the graduate of Hogwarts Was firmly of the opinion Ilvermorny Was the place to send the children, Petunia and Helen Granger Liked the class sizes At Mahoutokoro Even Sirius and James Diehard Hogwarts supporters had to admit the Quidditch program there was first right. John Granger and Lily Potter both liked the idea And the opportunities available at Uagadou, And Mycroft Was in his own camp Much preferring to hire the children private tutors and have them homeschooled, They could include the younger Weasley children as well just Harry, Hermione and Dudley Had a few more opponents to duel, Mycroft Much Preferred the idea Of keeping his children under the family wards Then in trusting them To the faculty of a magical school, The other parents including his own wife when Unanimously against that option, The prevailing opinion was the kids need to socialize With other children outside of the Holmes sphere of influence. Sirius had already Taken the black family Seat on the board of governors, With James Taking the Potters, Since he was a poltergeist a President had already been set Centuries before allowing him to keep the seat until Harry was of age. 

While all the other Magical institutions have wonderful curriculums , Mycroft Was slowly being forced to admit Hogwarts Was most likely the best of the lot, The highest quality of education combined with experience faculty an excellent Quidditch, It was a magical school where the Holmes Extended clan had the most influence, But Hogwarts also had Albus Dumbledore, A man Mycroft regarded As an ever increasing annoyed.The Hogwarts headmaster had even attempted To stop Holmes From touring other institutions By writing the other headmasters directly. Insinuating since a few of the parents were Muggle they were unfit to judge the quality of a magical education. The howler Petunia had sent Albus When the headmistress of Illvermorny Had informed them Of the letter had made the front page of the daily Prophet. Sirius Had gone so far as to buy petunia a mug that read,” I have the vocabulary of an educated sailor” on it After the Black Heir Committed the transcript a memory, Sirius had done Mycroft the courtesy Of having the Daily Prophet article framed and Hung in his home office next to their ridiculously large family portrait. Every time Mycroft Looked at the article he chuckled, Petunia was even more protective of the family then he was.

As the parents concluded their tour of the Ugandan magical school, The consensus was clear despite Albus Dumbledore’s present at the school. Every one of the adults grumbled a bit and said,” I suppose it’s Hogwarts then.” Much to Sirius and James’ glee , Both marauders quite certain With them on the board of trustees Dumbledore wouldn’t dare pull anything with Harry. 

What neither Marauder realizes was that Albus Dumbledore was Stubborn in his ways, Refusing to believe the Holmes Patriarch had Voldemort’s Plans for resurrection well in hand, The stubborn old coot Had already hired professor Quirrell to Teach defense in Harry’s first year. Dumbledore was not an evil man he just refused To relinquish control of the board, Even when a superior player Entered the game.

What Albus Dumbledore Conveniently ignored was the fact Mycroft Holmes refuses to Sacrifice anyone Especially his eldest son, If Mycroft Hadn’t refuses to Send Sherlock to his death in Eastern Europe, There was no way in hell he was sending his son to his death in Britain. Mycroft Holmes Would be watching Hogwarts closely.


	25. Chapter 25

Hermione Granger sat crosslegged on a flying carpet about 20 feet in the air with a stack of playing card in her hands. That she was shuffling Rather intently while asking The boy laying on his stomach next to her if the wind had Shifted yet. Every time she inquired Harry would shake his head and turn back To the spotter scope they had nicked out Borrowed( stolen ) from their Uncle John’s Office at Saint Bartholomew’s.  
The children were waiting rather inpatiently For the wind conditions at the manner to cooperate with their intended experiment. About 100 yards away from them , sat Dudley Tied to a tree With A rather long piece of Celery Protruding out of his mouth. Dudley had voluntarily Lashed himself to the tree So he Wouldn’t flinch And compromise their precious data. But the Sandy haired boy was starting to get A crick in his Neck from sitting lick this, so with a silent sarcasm Only his brother could Detect Dudley blinked “ How much longer?” In Morse code to Harry Who had his scope pointed directly at him. 

Harry concentrated on monitoring the wind patterns Shrugged When He Decoded his brother’s complaint, Harry picked up the flashlight next to him And responded With a quick, light signal of ” Now ! Don’t sneeze“ Harry then told Hermione She was clear to begin. Not taking his eyes from the Scout scope in front of him. Hermione took a deep breath and concentrated willing her magic into the deck. Launching one card after another with Percision towards Dudley and his stock of celery.

Harry recorded every cut with a high-speed camera attached to his scope. 52 card found their mark Whittling the celery stick Down bit by bit, Until at 48th slice Dudley turned his head making the last four card there was And Embed Themselves in the tree behind him instead.

When Harry Saw his brother move he grumbled to Hermione , She just Sighed with him And pat him on the shoulder adding with a hopeful,” It’s close enough to perfect 48 times Should be a sufficient same size. Now let’s go Untied Dudley He’s been complaining about needing to scratch his nose for an hour.”

With that Harry broke down his scope and Hermione steered the carpet towards Dudley , Silently Vanishing his ropes When they got close enough. Once he was free the boy in question Stretched and scratched his nose with enthusiasm For looking behind him and saying casually,” Those last ones nearly got me” As he observed the four playing cards Deeply embedded In the tree scarcely an inch from where his head had been. Dudley Then casually ask his brother if he could have a look at the data. Hermione and Harry happily obliged him.

The three were certain Uncle Sherlock would find their data and conclusion on the terminal velocity of a standard Playing card deck Fascinating. Hopefully it would be useful in solving Those murders up in Ipswich. 

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Mycroft Holmes Looked at the woman in front of him with Something a kin to Fascination, The Determined Scottish lady Had managed to schedule an appointment Politely. Via Anthea’s Fireplace no less. She was a fascinating witch actually capable of going through the proper channels. Mycroft regarded her Calmly while Anthea poured the Tea , And the Grangers got settled. This was a preliminary meeting Assembled at Minerva McGonagll’s Surprisingly polite request, when Mycroft’s Manor wards Had prevented her from delivering young Miss Granger’s letter That morning. At that Thought Mycroft cast a glance in question at Anthea , To which she responded with a nod of affirmation. Half of Hermione’s birthday present has been purchased And the other half collected from the Holmes Family Vault At the Irish national Bank. A signed first edition of Sir Isaac Newton’s Principia Mathematica Had been retrieved from the Holmes collection. A Volume That would no doubt keep the girl Occupied For a few hours. There was no doubt in Mycroft’s mind Once Hermione was finished with the Mathematical text, It would be passed along to Harry and Dudley. The children tended to read collectively when it came to academic texts. Mycroft Simply hoped that this particular volume Wouldn’t Spark the same debate as Darwins origin of the species did Among the children, It had taken a collective family trip to the Galapagos to Observe the finches themselves To finally resolve the debate Between the three. The children. Had taken to duct taping Punnet Squares To every surface in the Manor. Petunia had thrown a near hissy fit when she saw what they did to the dining room table, Mycroft would prefer Not to witness that again.

He was brought out of his musings By Anthea’s Not so subtle cough. John Granger was talking To the Scottish professor. It seemed the woman was rather upset with his request for the letter. It seemed John had Done Mycroft’s job for him By denying her access to Hermione. Mycroft sat back and Sipped his tea , and watched John and Helen Granger Give Minerva the third degree. With great amusement he watched the interrogation specialist turned dentist Truly in his element, Mycroft made a mental To have the GRangers on hand the next time He had to interrogate A Peruvian minister. That last one had taken a week to break, They were still finding teeth in the carpet. John and Helen Granger seemed to be of the opinion That none of Dumbledore’s people Would have access to their daughter until she set foot on the express. Hermione Would be receiving her letter Tomorrow Delivered by a well vetted Owl Rather than hand-delivered by a professor it seemed. Despite how polite this one seemed. Albus Refused to give up on attempting to access the Holmes family property it would seem. This was the 11th failed attempt just this week, The man would not Cease In his attempt especially Under a seemingly legitimate Guise Of delivering a Hogwarts letter, Mycroft Silently signal to Anthea To have both magical and Muggle security Doubled until the children departed on the express. 

Dumbledore was becoming more of a headache then he was worth, Perhaps the polite Scottish Professor Serving as his deputy Might a Suitable replacement if the Old man Continue to make a nuisance of himself. Mycroft mused. It wouldn’t take much to get Lucius Malfoy to vote with them If Dumbledore’s contract came up for review.

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Minerva Shuddered a little As she Settled herself back in her office after a rather tense meeting with what she could only consider was The Holmes Collective, Albus had warned her about. There would be no checking up on the children until they were officially students. Those wards Had tossed her out on her ear the moment she attempted to cross them. The fact that at least Miss Granger’s parents were Muggles was rather Surprising By the level of security around the property. And The hit wizard That interviewed her after she was tossed out By the wards Had actually laughed at her when she inquired as to how Muggles Came to have goblin wards. The Hit Wizard Had simply grumbled that the boss wasn’t a Muggle. Minerva Mistakenly took that to mean the Holmes Patriarch the registered owner of the property was this hitwizard’s “ boss”. When in fact the hit wizard Was referring to Sirius black The unofficial but official head of family security, (The Poor wizard needed something to do after all , He Manipulated stock markets most of the day, But the adventurous marauder needed to keep His mass murderer/World class assassin reputation intact So training A legion. Of magical hit wizards and bodyguards to Patrol Outside the Manor wards kept the retired cursebreaker / Hitwizard Occupied until his wife came home from running the world every evening).

Minerva would have to Correct Albus’ Belief that Mycroft Holmes was not a Wizard, The man had Magical security that rivaled Hogwarts, No Muggle could manage that, No matter how intelligent. And Anthea Selwyn now Black , One of her former favorite transfiguration pupils Was working for Mr. Holmes, Anthea was too attached to her magic To ever work in the Muggle world, Minerva Assured herself. And the Grangers were something else, The father had made her feel like she was An Accused death eater on trial Being interrogated by Amelia Bones no less. The man had Questioned every word she said And twisted Every statement to ring out every bit of information she didn’t want to give. It was as if the man was Loki himself made mortal Sniffing out every lie and half truth Speaking with a silver tongue to get the full answers he wanted. She never should’ve let Albus convince her These Muggles Shouldn’t be trusted with their own children. All four Of those parents Seem greatly concerned with the education and welfare of the children Even if they weren’t there own Anthea and Mr. Holmes seemed as Concerned as family Would be for Hermione Granger’s welfare.

Minerva thought to herself as she drafted a letter To the headmaster. Informing him of the situation, And assuring him from her own observations , That the children were in no danger, The adult themed well-informed and perfectly capable of making reasonable an informed decision about their children’s magical education. She also added that despite his beliefs Minerva herself could confirm. After a conversation with a hit Wizard in Mycroft Holmes’ Employee that the rumors were true Mycroft Holmes was indeed a wizard, Despite what Albus believed after meeting him. 

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Albus Dumbledore Seemed to Sag in defeat When he received the letter from his deputy. That infuriating Had kept Minerva from seeing the children Or giving him an accurate observation on Harry Potter, Albus would just have to hope The young boy could be swayed from his manipulative stepfather’s Influence, If the man Was as Cold To his children as he had been to Albus upon their first meeting, There were still a chance harry could be useful in his plans.

But as Albus Read the last line of Minerva’s letter He crumbled the Parchment up and pitched in to the fire in Disbelief. That nefarious Muggle Had managed to convince Minerva he was a wizard! That was simply not possible! Mycroft Holmes Had never set foot at Hogwarts! The man was English there was no way he was magical , Albus would have remembered A student like that a man clearly destined for Slytherin If he had ever seen one. That Muggle Had somehow bewitched His deputy. Dumbledore could not let this stand.

Above him in the portrait Gallery of the headmasters office , The portrait of Phineas Nigellus Black Laughed and Shifted away to visit his other portrait Hanging In Sirius black’s home office, Phineas had wonderful news to tell his great nephew.


	26. Chapter 26

Petunia Holmes Was looking for the broom and dustbin while Mycroft’s people Dealt with the unconscious intruder. Petunia almost feel sorry for the man at this point, But his presence had cost her The lovely vase Mycroft Had given her for their anniversary last year. Petunia had had to smash it over the strangers head While Lily distracted him. The foolish man Had focused on the screaming ghost above him. Rather than the pregnant woman behind him. Really if one was going to make a career about of Breaking into important people’s homes One really should be better at threat Assessment, A pregnant woman is much more dangerous then an incorporeal ghost. Honestly it was as if he was asking to be beating over the head with Antique pottery.

Petunia did pity The security personnel while she swept up the mess, John Watson and Sirius Were going to have them running drills for a month After this, Letting an intruder Slip past The cameras and the wards. Petunia doubted Mycroft Wouldn’t have their heads as well, The interloper had gotten into the same room as his pregnant wife, Mycroft would be bellowing for blood, Petunia doubted That intrude would ever see the sun again after he woke up.

Well the mess was cleaned up and the Security situation Seems to be in hand. She had cookies to make, She had promised the children chocolate chip With homemade rum raisin ice cream this time. Petunia Dumped the last remains of the base into the bin And headed towards the kitchen. With a discreet knife Still palmed in her hand, And four security guards trailing after her. Petunia made her escape back to the kitchen before John Watson or any other member of the family medical team could demand they check her blood pressure. She was so tired of The pregnancy Protocols Every time an Intruder got into the house or a 14th century Viking Made an appearance in the foyer. Someone always handled it, If it wasn’t her and Lily it was Mycroft, Sherlock, John or Sirius. If none are then were around One of the children would just set the bad man on fire, Or snickerdoodle would eat them.

It was getting to the point where petunia was just tired of the overreaction. She was pregnant not an invalid As Anthea would say . She didn’t need 14 doctors and a nurse Checking her heartbeat every time there was a security breach. Petunia sighed in Annoying While Chopping ingredients with a knife that sounded like a Machine gun stuck on rapid fire. The security personnel around her gulped Nervously watching her chop Ingredients. While Lily Now a Poltergeist Assisted with the ice cream preparation. The Sharp objects and heavy crockery floating above their heads Did nothing to alleviate The bodyguard’s’ collective anxiety.

But no matter how nervous any member of the household was everyone was looking forward to Petunia cookies. The children would even call their international Negotiations for the Gnome free trade agreement Across Europe to a close early that day as they all wanted at least a plate of those chocolate chip cookies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Petunia is making cookies again.
> 
> This chapter is a bit of a throwback to the first few chapters just to show how much has changed since the start of the story. Petunia, Mycroft, and Harry and Dudley Have all changed and grown as characters a lot in the last few chapters.
> 
> Petunias is finally comfortable with magic and the Holmes family chaos. She has a good relationship with her sister finally, All it took was Lily dying, Petunia marrying the British government, Four pregnancies , Lily manifesting as a poltergeist , And enough baked goods to feed the population of Liechtenstein. But the Evans sisters Finally have a functional relationship.
> 
> The kids will be going to Hogwarts soon! I promise, Harry and Dudley Just have to finish teaching their younger siblings how to pick locks and set small manageable fires With their minds Before they leave for Hogwarts. The boys may be young , But they know their responsibilities as older brothers.


	27. Chapter 27

Helen Granger, Dentist , part time Art enthusiast, And occasional walking scientific experiment Depending on what color her daughter tried to change her hair that day. Sipped a glass of Champagne and started to count, When she got to 3 ,18 children, Shot across the lawn on their booms In a standard French broom racing pattern Similar to football players running Suicides only Flying about 40 feet off the ground. The children have decided to finally settle the matter who was the fastest in A regulated race. Helen has been designated the Judge, By meeting the only qualifications necessary being the only adult foolish enough to not to retreat to a safe distance while the children were having a magical debate.

Helen sometimes pondered how her life had ended up this way. She had a wonderful husband who’s passed Military service apparently included interrogation training , A brilliant daughter That was a budding diplomat If those recordings she found of international trade negotiations between gnomes of all things were Accurate. It was difficult to tell with the Squeaky voices , Helen herself was the godmother of eight members of the Holmes Horde, Thanks to her daughter making friends with the eldest sons of The British Government, A man who couldn’t help but play chess with those around him, He had move them into a wing of the Holmes Manor, Rented their house out and And made them the official dentists of the Crown Without them even noticing. Helen was eternally grateful Both she and her husband had just decided to roll with it. She wasn’t quite certain what Mycroft would have done if they had argued,

He would’ve probably bought half of Wilshire And built a new Manor house Right next to the Grangers original family home. Just to keep his boys in contact with their(The Grangers) daughter Their best friend. Mycroft Holmes After all these years still stuck her as a man that Would Subtly reshape the world Just to keep his children happy. But then again the Holmes boys Seemed to be capable of reshaping the world Without their father’s Interference , Periodic incidents of the sky turning red and the horizon burning with Emerald fire Was anything to go by. Helen was Brought back to the present By the children’s shout of joy and laughter. As Harry Crossed the finished line And Helen declared him the winner. And Hermione hugged the victor, Helen was amused to note the crimson Blush that colored Harry’s cheeks , The Eldest scion of the Holmes Empire Might just have a crush. The girl’s mother Snorted And drank the last of her champagne. That was exactly what the entire family needed, Hermione and Harry dating Even at such a young age. Mycroft would have Westminster Abbey Reserved for a wedding on Christmas Eve every year until judgment day. If those two ever took a liking to each other, Violet Holmes Already had Hermione’s name painted up on the family tree Waiting to be connected to one of the brothers.

Not that Helen didn’t like the Holmes Clan as a whole , She just found it a little overwhelming at times the strange sense of precognition among everyone of the Holmes family line. Violet somehow knew what everyone wanted for dinner two weeks before They even decided to go out for dinner. Helen was simply happy Catherine Granger was her mother-in-law not Violet Holmes . The woman was lovely but she was obsessed with grandchildren if she had her way Petunia wouldn’t stop having children until  
She hit 40 , Helen was certain Mycroft Had neglected to tell his mother about the pirate ship. Violet Would’ve had a conniption fit if She knew her son was planning to deprive her of more grandchildren.

Helen congratulated Harry Then made a quick escape back to the relative safety of the rest of the adults in the family. John( Watson ) and Sirius Were thumb wrestling again Over the last tube Of enchanted toothpaste , They refuse to tell her what it did but apparently it tasted like pineapple. And both their partners were quite fond of it. 

Helen poured Herself another glass as Sirius won the match, She offered the champagne to petunia and Anthea, Sirius was going to be smug for the rest of the night, After that epic victory. They were going to need more wine.

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While the parents watch their offspring play sky Polo With Switzerland rules( Dudley and Octavia were neutral) , And the mothers drank themselves into a happy buzz, The men sipped there whiskey or in Remus’ Case Lycanthropy tonic in peace , Exchanging old war stories, John( Watson) Finally revealed how he got that scar on his left butt cheek, Debated international policy with periodic corrections from Anthea When they sounded a bit too smug, And watched the Children Expel much needed energy lamenting the loss of their youth. But in every man’s mind as he sampled his whiskey, Their internal voice said the same thing, They wouldn’t give Their current situation Up for anything. But Sirius Got a mischievous look in his eyes when he glanced at Remus, the last bachelor of the Manor, Sirius look at Violet for a moment Conveying the Mischief in this eyes. The Holmes Matriarch picked up on his idea and smiled. She loved Matchmaking Especially for one of her adopted sons. Remus was still young enough , if he liked women She might get a few more grandchildren, since Mycroft and Petunia Were starting to show signs Stopping, Violet was more than happy to lend a hand in finding a new supply.So long as everyone ended up happy , Perhaps she could convince John and Sherlock to use a surrogate.

Mycroft Taking note of the look in his mother’s eyes, Quietly signaled One of the staff to Fetch more whiskey. 

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While the adults drank and plotted Dudley signaled Hermione to begin the attack, Hermione whistled a short tune and the garden under their feet begin to rumble quietly.

The allied gnome force Of Scotland Ireland and Wales begin their invasion of France. They are rallying cry of “ Give Me Croissants or give me Death! “ Could be heard by Muggles Driving through the tunnel under the channel. They’re high pitch squeaky voices being mistaken for a legion of mice In the maintenance tunnels. Trade negotiations had fallen through, Gnomes needed their fancy French bread supply or the king of Gnomes would have a revolution On his hands. You could only feed your people Imitation tree bark pastries for so long before they begin to notice. Hermione Agreed to command the offensive so long as they brought her back a select few novels from the Parisian Library collection . Harry and Dudley Just went along with it they were more than happy to play a larger scale game of risk, Especially considering Gnomes didn’t die Just dematerialize And reappear back at Their home nest. That’s why Gnome Infestations have to be dealt with by hand. Much to Ron Weasleys Immense distress.


	28. Chapter 28

Sirius Black cut a rather Ominous figure in his jet black dueling robes , The Black family crest Embroidered in Silver along the cuffs Giving him a profile similar to that of a classical Grim Reaper , The effect With only amplified by the man striding next to him In a similar outfit only a deep burgundy red with gold embroidery proclaiming the crest of house Potter. The two marauders walked silently as James’ current state Of relative solidity required most of his concentration. The blood brothers were here to make a point Not talk about the weather as they Strode Into the room for their first meeting with Lucious Malfoy in almost a year. The blonde haired death eater had forgotten The terms of the arrangement. The British government had requested the marauders Remind Lucius of his situation. 

Sirius Broke step with his brother turned slightly to the right and came up directly beside the Malfoy Lord Pretending to Peruse The glass cabinet in front of him Well James Saddled up along the other side. Making Lucius catch a glimpse of the long dead but currently appearing very much alive Potter Lord. The blood draining from Lucius’ face Was visible to even a random passerby. The tense in Lucius’ face seemed to build When James Potter didn’t speak just bit into an apple, And Sirius Made his presence known By tapping his wand on the counter Requesting to see a lovely brass ring from behind the display. Sirius Had moved directly next to Lucius Boxing him in from the other side. The black patriarch made no motion to acknowledge the Malfoy Simply turning the ring in his hands When the attendant passed it to him. Before extending it towards James Asking In an eerily calm way, “ What do you think Jamie? Would this be a good gift for my lady? “

James answered with a bit of a grunt. Sirius Let out a slight chuckle,” You’re right mate . It’s a bit too masculine for her taste. A piece like this is better suited to Mycroft” 

At The mention Of the Holmes Patriarch , Lucius Malfoy became even more pale doing a rather impressive impression of James in his more ghostly moments. The Malfoy Begin to stutter attempting to explain his actions saying he hadn’t meant to interfere with Lord Holmes’ projects , That he had only been testing the waters, Hoping to aid their Mutual acquaintance’s plans. That got an Unsettling Chuckle from The by all appearances Very much alive James Potter as he bit into his Apple. Sirius Did not acknowledge Lucius Or his panicked Babbling . Sirius Paid The attendant for the brass ring he had been examining Add motion to James it was time to head out. But as the Two Marauders reached the exit to the building Sirius Paused for a moment And said over his shoulder” Your boy is going to be in Harry’s year at Hogwarts isn’t he Lucius? I suppose we’ll see you on the platform then. We’ll all Be seeing off the boys for their first year even Mycroft. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear from you then. “ Sirius Finished with a malicious grin And exited the shop. 

Sirius and James Kept their Stoic act up until they rounded the corner. Then collapsed With cacophonous laughter again the back wall of a barbershop, Unable to hold their composure any longer. 

When their hysteria died down a bit, Sirius Held up the brass Ring Marked with a wolf’s head. “ At least we got one useful thing out of this, Bout time Moony Got his own ring . Ahh? Jamesie?.”  
James Potter took one look at the brass ring And collapse once more In laughter.

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Six hours later Remus Lupin, Wore a brass ring on his right hand as Violet Holmes Dragged him to the office of a matchmaker in Mayfair. The werewolf could practically hear the vibrations of his old friends’ laughter as he was faced with Binders full of Eligible women. 

“Those bloody bastard knew about this” Remus internally growled as Violet Shoved the first binder toward him, Speaking enthusiastically about the first candidate. A nice trainee Auror Who’s mother volunteered her/(forced her) To sign up with the magical matchmaking. A wonderfully spirited girl named Nymphadora.

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While the Marauders were occupied with political intrigue and a rather forceful matriarch was playing matchmaker. Mycroft Holmes was attempting To get Harry or Dudley to sneeze , As one of the boys had accidentally turned the senior undersecretary to the minister of agriculture into a salt shaker. The woman was a valuable ally, Mycroft thought As he reached for the paprika.

It was with great relief After nearly an hour Harry finally sneezed. Susan the senior undersecretary to the Ministry of agriculture, Had been a bit confused but started muttering about bad ecstasy and a vicar named Tony. Mycroft relieved to not have to supply an explanation just filed the information away for later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of the story, Nymphadora was in Bill Weasley‘s year at Hogwarts not Charlie’s. So she is about four years older Then she is in Cannon. So Tonks is about 23 In this story.


	29. Chapter 29

The Holmes clan Chose to make a day of this momentous occasion. The children although having been Shopping in magical Paris and Copenhagen A few times had never been to Diagon alley in Magical London for Security reasons of course if you asked Mycroft or Sirius. 

It was the Holmes Horde’s First Shopping trip for Hogwarts . Lily and James Were even Going to be in attendance as both had become rather proficient in maintaining a mostly solid external appearance, At least enough to fool the Muggles in Central London. Petunia through proud Of her children begged off The trip as she was 7 months pregnant again. Sirius , Remus, Mycroft and Even Sherlock and Both Johns Chose to dawn duel robes and With various Clan patterns Embroidered along the cuffs , While Lily and Helen Went with The more practical Australian style dueling robes The emphasized movement over intimidation. The collective adults were attempting to send a clear but Subtle message, For the magical population to steer clear of them and their children. Mycroft wanted As few Autograph Request as possible for Harry or either of the potters. 

Mycroft, James, and Sirius Might also have been intentionally fanning the flames of the rumors that the Holmes family was a clan of Gifted Duelists and Magical warlords. Quite a few purebloods were still claiming To be old chums from Hogwarts of one Holmes or another When attempting to Curry political favor. Mycroft Had learned from Years of experience sometimes a reputation Provided more protection then any physical Security Could ever hope to provide.

You didn’t need 12 bodyguards if The entire magical population thought you were a living legend. Or In Sirius’ case A master Assassin. Mycroft Pulled himself From his internal musing When His son Harry called for him. The boy could not be more excited he was practically vibrating with anticipation.

The children were passing a ball of blue magical fire Between them while they waited for the adults to finish their security inspections . Hermione had been put out when she learned they would be disillusioned For most of the trip outside of getting their school Robes And wands selected . But Harry and Dudley Had brought her out of her funk by discussing the latest reports from the Gnome scouts That morning. All was progressing well along the battle lines But the French gnomes Had dug in along the southern bank of the Seine In the heart of Paris Hermione and Harry were debating the necessity of sending in a few squadrons of Pigeons with Gnome riders to bomb the French defenses ,  
While Dudley suggested More of a scorched earth policy, Advising they raid Every bakery in Paris for Quality pastries before taking on the entrenched French forces. Dudley argued That Gnome Support for the Offensive with Diminish is no benefit was seen before hostilities increased. As he passed the blue fireball to Hermione, Hermione admitted she could see the flaw in his logic, About needing to have an obvious benefit but a scorched earth policy would cause more harm than good in the end. If they wanted trade agreements after the invasion Was completed. 

Hermione lobbed The fireball toward Harry who caught it an inch from his nose. The Potter heir / Eldest Holmes scion Seem to be lost in thought before proposing A gnome paratrooper maneuver, Sending in pigeons with riders To bell out behind enemy lines And out flank the French Before raiding The bakery in the heart of Paris. Hermione laughed at the suggestion before agreeing with a compromise between the two plans And summoning a Gnome to pass along their new battle plans. Before Harry tossed the fireball back to Hermione Which she filled catch Causing the flames to set The sofa on fire next to her. The flames were quickly smothered by Dudley and a magical waterIng can he summoned. The adults Finally brought out of their security preparations by the small fire hazard called for the three As it was time to depart. The trio grinned maniacally As they Walked towards the fire, It was time to go to Diagon alley.

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Every member of the family materialize through the hearth At the leaky cauldron with relative ease outside of Sherlock being covered in soot And nearly tripping over Helen When she came through the fire after him.

Sirius Quickly Disillusioned the children while Mycroft And Remus Scared off would be admirers With their most Petrifying glares. And then were off, Hermione upon getting a look at Florist and Blott’s Refused to purchase only for schoolbooks which prompted Harry and Dudley To collect Books from every section of the small shop and With puppy eyes begging Their father to buy them, As Hermione’s parents had refused to get her more than eight additional books. Mycroft Wanting to continue to encourage his children’s curiosity caved to their request. But not without receiving a bit of mockery from Sherlock and James, The two men reminding him how he had sworn There would be no unnecessary literary purchases in Diagonal alley , Mycroft simply Muttered about seeking knowledge being a Holmes family tradition As he made a largest purchase of books in Flourish and Blott’s history Requesting the volumes be delivered by owl that evening.

With that purchase made they were finally able to pry Hermione away from the book Shop. Along. they went To the owl emporium where Harry got a lovely Snow Owl christened Hedwig on the spot while Dudley begging for an Onyx Owl That seem to be the living Embodiment of night, Dudley rather Obviously Called the owl Shadow. Hermione unable to decide left the shop empty-handed.

The rest of the shopping trip went off without a hitch until they made a stop at Twillfit and Tatty’s for the school robes, The children’s disillusionment Had to be removed for fitting purposes, When they arrived there was another family in the shop, The Malfoys Surprisingly, Upon seeing Mycroft Enter the establishment flanked by Sirius and Sherlock Lucius Snapped at his son to be quietly ,the Wizard tossed a few Galleons At the shopkeeper and fled the building with a word to his son he would Meet him out front. As Lucius passed the Holmes Patriarch The blonde wizard quietly said,” I understand your message perfectly , you Will have no problems with me again.” Lucius Malfoy shouldered past Remus to get out the door, The werewolf caught a whiff of him With such close proximity and Asked NonchalantlyTo the group at large,” what smells like piss?” Remus’ Inquiry was met with raucous laughters from the Holmes and Lucius Malfoy Quickening his step. Dudley Hermione and Harry were quickly fitted for their robes , But with no interruption from the Malfoy heir . The blonde haired boy usually arrogant and loud was quiet and observant As he looked at the group that had not so Subtly just Humiliated and intimidated his father. Draco Malfoy was used to Lucius being the Most powerful man in the room, but the Man with the umbrella and Icy demeanor Seemed to terrify his father. The Iceman was addressed as DAd by the two boys being fitted next to him, But neither looked much like him, The black haired one Draco realized with a shock was Harry Potter no Holmes , Which meant Draco cast his eyes back to the Adults , As the internal cogs of his mind worked . These people for the Holmes clan, The ones that been taking over the government and Dominated the papers, The terrifying man was Mycroft Holmes The one he had to Overheard His mother discussing with his father a few months ago. Draco Did as his father order after this realization He kept his mouth shut and walked out of the shop With an unsettling realization About the world as he met his father out front. Draco came to the disturbing conclusion that Lucius Malfoy His father The man he Idiolized Wasn’t the most powerful man in the world . ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Harry, Dudley, and Hermione Unaware of their future classmates unsettling reality shock, Continued to shop undisturbed with their family. As Uncle John Watson Promised them all ice cream after they got their wands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up Olivanders, Let’s see what happens when Harry gets his wand And James, Lily , and Mycroft are there.


	30. Chapter 30

Hermione grimaced slightly As she was once more elbowed in the side by Dudley. The entire Holmes clan was be packed into the Small shop leaving little room for Unnecessary movement Like breathing Hermione thought Snarkily ,She heard a snort from her right, Harry was doing the infamous Holmes family trick And deducing her internal monologue. Hermione rolled her eyes at her best friend making Harry laugh even more, Hermione with all the Subtlety of an irate witch In a sardine can Pushed her friend forward. Offering him up as the first Sacrifice( sorry volunteer) When the rather mad looking Mister Ollivander Asked the group who would like to go first. Someone had to fall On there sword In this situation , Hermione mused And smiled a little viciously at Harry. She was more than happy to help him volunteer, Harry looked Back at her for a moment catching a glimpse of her smile and gulped a bit BeFore nodding to her in understanding, An Irritated and Claustrophobic Hermione was not to be pushed, Harry read the message Loud and clear, Don’t poke the bear no matter who’s around them . Harry Caught His brother’s eye For stepping forward completely, The Holmes brother Had an immediate understanding . Girls were scary, It was best not to Annoy Hermione Any further until they were out of here.

Dudley did not however volunteer to take his brother’s place As the first sacrifice to the wand maker. As Harry moved towards the counter his Fathers and Uncles Each each Clapped him on the Shoulder smiling in encouragement. Mycroft Simply Shared a glance with his son Before nodding encouragement, the look was one Every child of the Holmes clan had seen at least one. One that Mycroft wore With every new magical situation, a silent message “ You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think it was safe, if anything happens They will answer to me.”  
Harry smiles at his father stood before the counter , The old man broke Our tape measure and it all went downhill from there.

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Harry had blown up the shop three separate times while trying to find his wand , Boxes fell off the shelves ,red sparks that set his Uncle John’s Robes on fire Making uncle Remus douse the flame with water From his Wand, Soaking both Uncle John and Sherlock Due to the tight quarters of the shop. 

Harry finally ended up with A wand Made of Holly with a Phoenix feather core. But that only added to the drama his wand Was the brother The wand that kill his Biological father James Potter. James, Sirius , Remus , and Mycroft Had raised quite the fuss , Despite them all knowing that Harry Had been cleaned of the Horcrux , James has gone so far as to demand Ollivander sell him another wand. The old man had refused reminding him the wand chooses the wizard. 

The chaos finally calmed down and Mycroft Begrudgingly paid for Harry’s Holly wand, allowing Hermione and Dudley To get on with their selection.

Both finding the task much less difficult then Harry. Hermione and Dudley found their wand on the seventh and eleventh Attempt respectively.  
Each with Notably fewer explosion, But Dudley did managed to summon Snickerdoodle with his final Attempt . The Newfoundland Happily leap At The Green Sparks Dudley produced after summoning him. 

The grand total for the wands came to 36 Galleons and 5 knuts. A princely sum that when converted into Pounds sterling could buy you a nice mid range DVD player. When Dudley Announced this to the group at large Made Mycroft and Sherlock both chuckle And update their internal files . Dudley had a better head for numbers then They thought, Mycroft Mentally added chairman of the exchequer to the list of potential futures for his son. It is always handy to have an economist in the family. 

As the group made their way out of the shop Harry asked rather Reluctantly,” Does this mean we have to follow the statue of secretly?”

Mycroft and James Both chuckled and looked at their mutual son Before Chorusing together As generations of fathers had done before them,” No just don’t get caught, And don’t tell your mother.” 

The latter part of that statement made Lily Potter Snicker. And beam at her son Before whispering in his ear,” I would exercise some Discretion over the summer from now on, But just don’t start turning mice into tea cups. No one’s going to take away your wand just keep the magic to a minimum around petunia from now on.”

Lily smiled at Harry once again And told him How proud she was.

John Watson Still Mildly singed from Harry’s wand selection shouted to the group at large, “ Well now that that’s done? Who wants magical Ice cream?”

The children answered with boisterous enthusiasm, And the adults Seconded. Snickerdoodle even barked his approval, The umbrella dog Wagging his tail in hopeful Anticipation, Perhaps the ice cream shop also had bacon flavored fairy custard , The after effects Made floating in dog form so much easier, It also made playing fetch with the snitch and Harry a possibly. The Umbrella turned dog Barking happily Before trotting after The children in hopes of the good table scrapes.

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On a shelf in the headmasters office at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry A magical hat Chuckled ominously. As Dumbledore Received news of another failure. His latest stooge Professor Merryweather, Who taught care of magical creatures Had been attacked when she approached Holmes Manor , But not the wizard or even a Griffin. No the professor had been harassed and missed directed by a rather precise almost Military like operation. She has been Outflanked And maneuvered into A pit Filled with Scorpius. The poor professor Had been Outwitted By a squadron A Gnomes from the Holmes Manor gardens. the professor Had been mystified And fascinated By the creatures behavior. She had never seen common garden Gnome Behave as if They had been trained by Napoleon, MerryWeather Went on for six pages in her report to Albus Excitedly explaining the groundbreaking discovery and then rather less enthusiastically Writing the groundbreaking Atypical behavior The Gnomes Exhibited Had already been documented In several Articles in the magical Zoologist periodical , Nature . The groundbreaking papers have been published under H.J. Granger In conjunction with H. J. and D.M. Holmes. Professor Merryweather Rather excitedly suggested that the Holmes Clan were conducting Groundbreaking research at their Manor, Research that should not be disturbed under any circumstance. These New Gnome Super Colony theories Turned magical zoology on its head. MerryWeather Practically begged Dumbledore to give her platform duty that year so she could meet Dr. H. Granger and her Fellow researcher the Doctors Holmes, So that she might persuade them to be a guest lecturers for her 7th years. Such Revelations in magical animal behavior has been discovered since Scamander’s Extensive research in the 1920s.


	31. Chapter 31

Mycroft Holmes Leaned back in his chair As he spoke with the Bulgarian Prime Minister. The man Seemed rather nervous. Especially with Mycroft Dropping into his Palace, No the politically correct term was presidential residence now Unexpectedly, By unexpectedly he meant terrifyingly with a loud crack that sounded like a car backfiring. One moment no one had been in his office the next Mycroft Holmes And His infamous assistant Were reclining In his office.

Mycroft Holmes The Icemam himself Was in his office the Bulgarian Minister Began to panic. Mycroft Holmes Should have been dead, The Minister Had paid Those Eskimos a pretty penny too ensure The job would be done discreetly well away from Bulgarian soil.

The Bulgarian Prime Minister Continued to sweat As he saw What Mycroft Holmes With spinning between his fingers , A small piece of whalebone.

Before the Iceman even Opened his mouth, The Bulgarian begin to plea Offering up every tantalizing tidbit of his story, The a grown man , Stopped sobbing out the tale Like an infant, Mycroft Tapped the bone on the table and smiled Like a Peruvian hangman. 

The iceman, The British government in human form, Only said these words, “ Your assassins missed their target , They hit my son.”

The Bulgarian Prime Minister turned ghostly pale collapsed , Dropping dead of a heart attack. 

The Bulgarian death May have saved him from the fury of the Iceman But not from the Vengeance Of his son’s other sire. James Potter Put His Antlers to good use in the spirit realm , For A remarkable number of hours. The Ghostly marauder had the Bulgarian begging for Hell by the time dinner rolled around.

The Holmes Patriarch and The Potter Lord Turned poltergeist Simply nodded at each other over the dinning room table before digging into the feast Petunia had prepared, Apples for the more Ghostly members of the clan and Pot roast wrapped in bacon for the still living relatives.The Two black haired men Watched their son with pride as he made the sapphires from his Grandmother’s Jewelry box dance in the air catching the light in such a way The display mimicked the aurora borealis. 

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With the mystical display of the synthetic Northern lights distracting the family Sirius black Discreetly passed Sherlock a 20 pound note under the table, The Bulgarian had died from a heart attack, Before James Had even Materialized. Sherlock had won that Bet , a murderous Holmes father was terrifying Enough to end a man with the added Theatrics of a poltergeist out for vengeance.

The global intelligence community collectively shuttered and agreed Silently with the outcome of the gamble. The Iceman was deadly enough Without a ghostly assassin.


	32. Chapter 32

Sherlock Holmes Hovered on the broom Experimentally, The wooden magical construction Hadn’t yet bucked him off , It appeared the Runic array with its Mildly cursed object Power source was finally Sufficient. Sherlock grinned with childish glee , they had finally done it, 2 years of research , planning and a not insignificant Amount of money spent on bribes( goblin smiths were Ridiculously expensive). But they had finally done it. With an object sufficiently powerful enough but with a mild enough curse to be worth the trade off.

Who cares if you are perpetually stepping in a wet spot after putting on new socks if in exchange you can Soar through the heavens without an aircraft. But more importantly to the Holmes Currently floating 30 feet in the air, he could by Quidditch with the children , they were still a seeker short for the parents team, Sherlock grinned Wickedly before taking off in the direction of his nephews, the brilliant young men that had cursed his with this magnificent gift, Sherlock couldn’t wait for John to take a spin. But first on with the Experiment, as Harry Released the golden snitch.

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It had taken weeks of convincing but their father had finally allowed it, they were Hosting a formal tournament , Harry had jumped up and down internally after he got Mycroft’s permission before bolting out of the room to inform Dudley and Hermione. With Uncles Sherlock and John Watson flying they finally had a set of capable referees, that were actually corporeal and not Uncle Remus. Not that there was anything wrong with the Remus, He just had a difficult time suppressing his werewolf instincts On occasion. To put it bluntly Lupin had a habit of stealing the Quaffle and chewing on it during certain parts of the Lunar cycle. 

Laughter and a loud crash dragged Harry from his internal Monologue, it sounded like Dudley got tackled again, Harry grimaced , Hermione had a new Gnome based security system around her room, they had been trying to outwit them for nearly a week but with no progress. The end result was always the same, Dudley getting knocked on his ass and Harry having to liberate him from the gnome’s Woven unicorn hair nets. Escaping them was damn near impossible, They were impervious to burning, Harry had to cut Dudley free with his goblin forged pocket knife( another gift from Grandpa Sigmund during a shopping trip in Magical Ireland)every time. Hermione was Unnervingly starting to take after Mycroft when it came to Security, everything had a triplet Redundancy. Harry thought it was a bit overkill as he set about slicing while muttering to his brother that Dudley should just ask Hermione for his action figures back, it had been over a week, Harry was sure she wasn’t still mad about the Tomahawk incident, Uncle Sirius had been able to grow most of her hair back. 

Dudley just looked at him like he was an idiot, Still entangled in the ropes before asking,” She is still setting fire to my cereal every morning, how does that translate to not being angry?”

Harry just shrugged and continued cutting,” Hermione’s stopped bewitching the Bludgers to target you during our Quidditch Experiments with Uncle Sherlock, and she has only been setting you food fire for the last week not you personally. So that’s progress.” Harry stopped talking to wrestle a Particularly stubborn rope away from Dudley.

Dudley After being disentangled from the net Hauled himself to his feet and responded, “ The only reason Hermione has stopped trying to bludgeon me to death is because it Compromise our Precious data from the longest Experiment we have do in our lives. How’d you get her to stop trying to kill you last June after that thing with the waffle iron?”

Harry chuckled and said, “ I kissed her. She punched me. I was walking around with a shiner for weeks after that if you remember. But it flustered Hermione enough that she forgot about killing me. She tends to forget about her homicidal tendencies if you Distract her sufficiently. Maybe we should give the Gnomes some laser pointers , that might Irritate Hermione enough To redirect her energies on to another target, But at this point I don’t think you’re getting your power rangers back. Dudley.”

The sandy haired Holmes just looked at his brother and grunted Having come to the same Forlorned Conclusion. Dudley sighed almost sadly ,” I really wanted to Melt them using Dad’s new solar panels. At least Hermione only took the action figures I was going to use in an experiment, And not the ones I actually like. One good thing about our Hermione Even when she’s doing an Impersonation of a vengeful goddess like Athena on the warpath, she’s never cruel but Extraordinarily inconvenience. Do you think we should go with the red or the blue laser pointers? The red ones always get snickerdoodle excited that might annoy father if we Voluntarily gave them to the gnomes.”

Harry chuckled And opened his mouth to answer his brother But stopped before the first word came out, Harry heard a very distinctly feminine voice chatting in Archaic Latin, Harry only shouted at Dudley, “ Run!” Instead of answering his question. The Eldest Holmes boys Took off at a run As posies beginning to sprout from the carpet. And the door knobs began to sing in Gaelic as they always did when Hermione was angry and wanted to annoy them. The Holmes brother Finally Ceased there sprint when they made it to the other side of the Manor near the kitchen , Hermione would never Perform the doorknob chorus this close to their Mum Petunia, that much Obvious magic still unnerved her. Hermione would never Purposely scare her cookie supplier. Much to Harry and Dudley’s relief.

Dudley just looked as his brother Between gasps for breath and muttered,” Still think she’s not that angry with me? We should probably go with purple laser points ,It’s her favorite color. That might incline her to Mercy.”

Harry just nodded before answering,” I suppose this might be a bad time to mention Dad’s letting us host the tournament next week.”

Dudley just looked at Harry and began Laughing hysterically. Half a second later harry joined him.

When the therapeutic hysteria of their laughter died down, and the brothers recovered from their best friend’s Homicidal fury, Door knobs singing Show tunes in Gaelic were remarkably terrifying when used correctly.

The brothers Went about Requisitioning and Distributing 500 laser pointers of Magenta hue to the Manor’s gnome Population. Their plan worked perfectly. Within a few hours Hermione’s blind fury was Redirected towards the general gnome population That greatly enjoyed terrorizing their mistress with Hundreds of Magenta dots dancing around her where ever she went. Hermione Burned off all her Excess Homicidal energy, Chasing down the laser pointers and Reprimanding the gnomes. By the time dinner rolls around the young Granger was so tired she didn’t even bother to glare at either of the Holmes brothers. Prompting Harry to inform her Mycroft was going to let them have their Quidditch tournament, The news finally Coaxing a genuine smile out of Hermione For the first time that week. 

Harry and Dudley grinned back at her and subtly high fived under the table. Laser pointers and a bit of gnome fueled chaos was just want they needed to Defuse the Atomic bomb that was an angry Hermione.

Not that she hadn’t had the right to be angry, Dudley had gotten A tomahawk made of bubblegum Stuck in her hair after all.


	33. Not a Chapter but please read! I need help with a list of Competitors for the international Quidditch  tournament at Holmes Manor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not A Chapter!
> 
> But please list your options in the comments! It will really help me write the next few chapters !
> 
> Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read this fanfiction! I hope my writing continues to make you laugh!

This is not a chapter but I need help to decide who will be present for this tournament before the kids start Hogwarts!

They will be inviting all of their friends and some of Anthea, Mycroft, James , and Sirius’ International magical associates that have children. So the Weasleys and Neville will be making an appearance, I can’t decide if I should include Draco or Cormac Maclagan. But I think I should have a contingent of Muggleborns and their families attend, on the invitation of Mycroft and Petunia Holmes as a pre Hogwarts introduction for the muggleborn students to their magical classmates , maybe have Justin Finch-Fletchley be in attendance as his father is an old political Cohort of Mycroft’s. I might have Justin’s dad be a member of the House of Lords .

But I need suggests for other characters I might have  
Forgotten that play quidditch , should I have Cho Chang and Cedric make an Appearance? , maybe a few French students. 

Dudley is going to meet Luna at the tournament.

If you can take a moment and respond in the Comments what characters you can remember characters at Hogwarts played Quidditch and if you can remember their quidditch positions you would be doing be a masssive favor by posting that information in the comments 

On a side note what are your thoughts on the Holmes having a massive Quidditch tournament before Hogwarts and inviting almost every Quidditch playing student from all for Houses including the Muggleborns but excluding certain Slytherins ie. Draco and his Cronies. So that on the first day of school and Even on the Express all anyone is talking about is how Epic the Holmes Quidditch Tournament was, making it nearly impossible for Draco or other Slytherins to Distinguish the Muggleborns from the rest of the student population. And Draco being so flustered having no idea what Tournament they are talking about playing along and pretending He was there for it but being called out by Ron or something.


	34. You’re Cordially invited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Lexi0Black, And one else who has been taking the time to read my story and answered a few of my questions in the last chapter to help with research for the upcoming installments to the story I really appreciate all the help and I hope you enjoy the next few chapters.
> 
> Happy reading.

𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔯𝔡𝔦𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔶 𝔦𝔫𝔳𝔦𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔣𝔦𝔯𝔰𝔱 𝔄𝔫𝔫𝔲𝔞𝔩 ℌ𝔬𝔤𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔰 𝔭𝔯𝔢 𝔰𝔢𝔪𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔔𝔲𝔦𝔡𝔡𝔦𝔱𝔠𝔥 𝔱𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱  
ℌ𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔱 ℌ𝔬𝔩𝔪𝔢𝔰 𝔐𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔯  
𝔬𝔫 𝔄𝔲𝔤𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 շյ𝔰𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔜𝔢𝔞𝔯.  
𝔄 𝔭𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔨𝔢𝔶 𝔦𝔰 𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔩𝔬𝔰𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔬𝔴 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔰𝔭𝔬𝔯𝔱 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱,

𝔓𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔢 𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢 𝔦𝔣 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔡 𝔦𝔰 𝔲𝔫𝔣𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔞𝔯 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔭𝔬𝔯𝔱 𝔅𝔞𝔰𝔦𝔠 𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔲𝔠𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔟𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔳𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔡 

𝔒𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 յՑ𝔱𝔥 𝔬𝔣 𝔄𝔲𝔤𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔞𝔱 յօ 𝔬’𝔠𝔩𝔬𝔠𝔨, 𝔓𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔢 𝔰𝔦𝔪𝔭𝔩𝔶 𝔪𝔞𝔦𝔩 𝔞 𝔩𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔲𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔯𝔢𝔤𝔲𝔩𝔞𝔯 𝔭𝔬𝔰𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔞𝔡𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔩𝔬𝔰𝔢𝔡, 𝔅𝔯𝔬𝔬𝔪𝔰 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔟𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔳𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔡. 𝔓𝔞𝔯𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔰 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔴𝔢𝔩𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔫𝔡, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔰𝔬𝔠𝔦𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔷𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔪𝔞𝔤𝔦𝔠𝔞𝔩 𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔫

𝔜𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔰 𝔖𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔩𝔶,  
𝔐𝔶𝔠𝔯𝔬𝔣𝔱 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔓𝔢𝔱𝔲𝔫𝔦𝔞 ℌ𝔬𝔩𝔪𝔢𝔰

յՑօյ ℜ𝔬𝔶𝔞𝔩 ℌ𝔞𝔴𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔯𝔫𝔢 𝔚𝔞𝔶  
𝔐𝔞𝔶𝔣𝔞𝔦𝔯  
𝔏𝔬𝔫𝔡𝔬𝔫 , 𝔈𝔫𝔤𝔩𝔞𝔫𝔡

𝔚𝔢 𝔩𝔬𝔬𝔨 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔐𝔞𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔞𝔠𝔮𝔲𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢

Each letter was mysteriously marked by small Gnome footprints as one of Hermione’s Security Squadrons had entered Mycroft’s study uninvited . Snickerdoodle had eaten about half of them Upon discovery, The other half Flooed in terror to warn their Compatriots to never Enter the Hell Hound’s liar.

Mycroft had Discreetly Fed snickerdoodle Twice the Number of his unusual Gourmet biscuits after that incident.  
Snickerdoodle was a good guard dog.... Guard umbrella..... guard whatever ..... He was a good Boy. Mycroft really needed to convince the Queen to Knight him. The brilliant pooch Was a credit to the dog population. If Mycroft had his way ( Which he usually did), Snickerdoodle would be a knight commander of the order of Saint good boy in no time. Mycroft just had to convince Elizabeth, To induct a member that was not a corgi. Perhaps Mummy could help with that ,Mycroft mused as he fed Snickerdoodle another organic dog biscuit


	35. Chapter 35

Mycroft entered the Kitchen rather Reluctantly. Petunia his lovely heavily pregnant wife had gone insane, Going into cooking hysteria. She had run the chief he had hire for the tournament Insisting the man’s Signature dish Wasn’t fit for human consumption. Petunia hadn’t started chopping vegetables viciously and in such rapid Succession that the noise gave John Watson , flashbacks to machine gun fire in Afghanistan. John thankfully had a good handle on his PTSD But didn’t need the trigger went searching for Mycroft To rectify the situation.  
John had dragged Mycroft and Sherlock way from there Cigarettes to deal with the irate pregnant mistress of the house.

Petunia was busy Crushing walnuts With the side of a steak knife when the Holmes brothers entered Her domain. With Mycroft in the lead, For the first time in his life Sherlock saw his brother Afraid of a woman who wasn’t their Mummy. The younger Holmes Chuckled quietly and whispered to his brother,” What’s wrong Mycroft? Does your goldfish Terrify you All of a sudden? I thought the most threatening thing about her was her cookie?Your wife’s harmless if it’s that what you said just last week While you were eating the third slice of her homemade cake. That reminds me you might be putting on a little weight.” 

With that comment the steak knife That had been in Petunia’s hand Embedded itself in the wall millimeters from Sherlock’s head. Petunia Usually the least dangerous of the clan glared at Sherlock and Reprimanded him,” what have I said about weight shaming Sherlock? We’ve been over this Sherlock you’re luck snickerdoodle is currently a dog. I will not have body shaming under this room and you ate twice as Many of the cookies I made yesterday As Mycroft did. You’re no saint when it comes to gluttony my dear brother in law.”

Petunia practically growled that last sentence with an air of menace. Sherlock still staring at the knife next to his head Muttered An apology to Mycroft And took off taking the steak knife with him. It was best to remove any potential murder weapons from the vicinity of the Temporarily insane pregnant woman. Despite never willing Admitting it aloud Sherlock Would have been remissed And dare he think it sad If Mycroft died. What was the proper Sentiment Sherlock mused As he went in search of his mother . Ah Yes! Your loss would break my heart The unspoken Holmes sibling creed. Love each but Never admit it, not even under torture or the threat of rugby Competitions. 

Sherlock was pulled from his thoughts as he located his mother. Violet Holmes was just the women so subdue a Hormonal women on a Psychotic cooking spree. 

The only way to Counter an irate expectant mother was to enlist the help of an experienced Grandmother. Violet Holmes would actually know what to do. The Holmes matriarch Had listened Intently to Sherlock’s Dramatic explanation Before nodding And making her way to the kitchen.

Violet Holmes Did not scream or shout. She just silently freed her eldest son from the Rolling pin that had his suit jacket pinned to the wall and Rather forcefully push him from the room.  
Violet quietly joined petunia in the chopping of Ingredients. The Holmes Matriarch just waiting for the woman to say something. 

As the Two Women Crushed walnuts into a fine dust. Petunia began to cry, and began a tearful Explanation. The Healer had done an Ultrasound this morning. They happily informed he that she had somehow grown a second womb since he last exam. Some in the two month since her last ultrasound it had just appeared and she was pregnant again. In both of them. One at 2 months the other at 7. Petunia practical sobbed as Violet held her hand. She was so tired of being pregnant she practical screamed at her mother in law. 

Violet Suppressed her usual glee as the news of more grandchildren, this situation was much more serious them she expected. Her daughter in laws mental heal was being effected dramatically. The Holmes matriarch did the only thing she could for the situation. She put on the kettle and made petunia a nice cup of Earl Grey.

While silently signaling to the security camera in the ceiling to get A mind healer to the Manor Immediately.

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Petunia was seen without delay . Potions Prescribed and memories removed Temporarily. They informed her of the process and showed her the memories once she was back in a sane mind frame. The Mind Healer said Petunia was under to much stress, she push Petunia back on bed rest , with a written instruction for constant Companionship. The mind healer explained multiple pregnancy could lead to feeling of isolation and stressful situations. As the Healer packed up her kit the Holmes clan Gave a collective sigh of relief. This was something That could be resolved with therapy , and plenty of tea.  
No one needed a magical lobotomy. However Petunia and Mycroft both agree it was best to have he memories of the day shifted into a secondary position so she could work through the emotions Associated with them slowly and still function. A complicated bit of magic, But very useful.

Mycroft cuddled with his wife after the rest of the family cleared the room. Mycroft silently Thought to himself as he comforted his wife , That pirate ship had better be ready soon. They needed to get on with their lives, Mycroft didn’t think the Manor could handle anymore magical expansion.

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With Petunia back on Bedrest and In perpetual therapy. The Preparation for the tournament and the many guest fell to Violet. Much to the Abject terror of the staff. Petunia Holmes was demanding , Violet Holmes was a Force of nature when it came to party planning, And international arms dealing( But those were not stories one told their grandchildren).

So the Manor was thrown into full planning mode, Broom when rented, Rooms were dusted and floors swept, Hermione’s Gnome legions were enlisted to posh the silver and dust the book cases , while the tournaments menu was revamped. Petunia in her moment of murderous insanity Prepared a menu More suited to a state dinner rather than a student social sporting event. Violet Had had to hire a Scandinavian chef as Word has gotten around in the London culinary community that Petunia Holmes had Rather exacting and terrifying standard for her culinary staff. One too many cooks had to dodge blenders during yesterday’s incident.

By the time Violet was done the Manor shined like the sun, Sirius and Remus had Expanded the family Quidditch pitch To regulation size. The bedecking The entire wooden construction in the Holmes family crest, Sherlock and John Watson were insistent on being the official Referees, with Sirius Happily volunteering to be the announcer . Making his wife Grimace briefly, Violet noted. That will be Interesting.

As the finishing touches were made and the wards Reinforced Violet went looking for her Husband. Sigmund was busy teach their younger Grandchildren the Intricacies of the greatest game to ever come out of Great Britain, The national sport of the Empire , Cricket. Everyone of the children seem bored to tears Despite the excellent weaponization potential of the cricket bat.  
Violet Discreetly signal to Kingston and Darius to get their sibling together And make a quick escape While she Provided the necessary distraction.

Violet kissed her Husband , the chorus of Eewwwws and Gross Grandma! Could be heard as the children made a hasty retreat.

Violet smiled at her Husband and whispered,” Can you believe how lucky we are?”

Making Sigmund chuckle and kiss her again. The two bAsked in the warmth of their partner As snickerdoodle Chased a squadron of gnomes through the garden.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knocking is important, they called Healer Montgomery nothing bad is going to happen . The situation is really Dumbledore’s fault in the first place owl post was invented for a reason.

On the 18th of August The Holmes Muggle born guest And their families as well as a few half bloods and their parents Just moments after 10 AM, The children were outfitted in Varying form of athletic attire Some in full Quidditch gear Clearly newly purchased, And others in rugby gear and trainers. Most arrived by the supplied Portkey Materializing in the Holmes main foyer, But remarkably two families arrived by car, much to Harry and Dudley’s pleasure on of the cars belonged. To the Earl of Fletchmont, the father of their primary school chum Justin , The three boys had regularly run amok at several Kensington Palace Garden parties together While their fathers talked business. Justin had away added That extra bit of panache to the Execution of many a Holmes brothers masterplan. His arrival was treated by the brothers as one would welcome an old friend home after surviving a year with other young Etonians. Harry and Dudley would have joined Justin for a semester as Eton before Hogwarts if they were a few months older, but Justin like Hermione was closer to 12 then 11. So continued on to Muggle secondary school before heading to Hogwarts. 

The other car belonged to the Weasley family , Arthur had finally gotten Approval for the enchanted Monstrosity with a little help from Mycroft. That was provided with the condition that the car only be flown on Holmes property, Mycroft might run the British government but he didn’t control the internet( yet). The Weasleys spilled out of the car one after other like a family of clowns under the big top, Introductions were made , Ron and Justin began to chat Each mutually impressed by the others hat.

Charlie Weasley Was even in attendance for one last Holmes /Weasley Quidditch match before leaving for a Dragon Handling position On a magical reserve in Romania. What Charlie had neglected to mention to his mother was the side job Mycroft Holmes had offered him Running surveillance on the Bulgarians. 

The Weasleys , the Holmes collective and Finch-Fletchleys Made their way back into the Manor to greet the last guests arriving for the tournament. Muggle born from Bellmore and Kent Arrived at last before one last stragglers appeared on the Holmes family welcome mat, the only nonWeasley pureblood in Attendance. Neville Longbottom Materialize with his gran.

Ron Weasley greeted the boy Enthusiastically as he was the only one of the children that knew Neville besides his sister Ginny. The shy Longbottom was dragged towards the Holmes brothers By the excited Weasley , But the Holmes brothers regarded the Longbottom Thoughtfully before shaking the young man’s hand. Harry exchange a look with Dudley after they both Felt Neville’s grip. The brothers Simultaneously grinned , they had found their second beater for the tournament. Neville Having never met them before was mildly unsettled by this, Until Dudley turned his grin on him and the brothers dragged the other boy toward the broom sticks , Dudley asking him how he felt about bludger and Bombardments. Hermione just rolled her eyes and Gestured at Justin and Ron that they should follow them. 

While the Holmes boys Enthusiastically abducted the Longbottom heir. Augusta was greeted much more formally by the parents. Violet Holmes In particular greeted her rather frostily. Having observed a woman In an instant. The Holmes Matriarch seem to find her Longbottom Counterpart wanting, Prompting Sigmund to glance warningly at Mycroft. The last time Violet didn’t like someone It’s sparked a formal inquiry into Parliamentary business. Mycroft Simply replied to his father silently, .That he would look into it.

For now they had a Quidditch tournament to supervise. And some potential allies to assess. 

With the last guests arriving Anthea announced it was time for tea but for the children started their introductory quidditch training

Let the politics begin

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With the wards adjusted to allow Multiple guest in, the security of the Manor had been compromised just enough to allow Rubius Hagrid to slip in , with a basket of rock cakes and a letter from Albus Dumbledore he was instructed to deliver to Harry Potter Personally.

As the parents and children dug into their finger sandwiches and Pastries, With introductions and preliminary discussions of wizarding customs and Quidditch. The volume of the dining room increased exponentially the cacophony Thankfully masking the Sharp punching Sounds of two quickly fired gunshots . Courtesy of a John Watson on guard duty. The recipient of such an swift attack was the half giant man that had Brought down the 16th century solid oak front doors in the entryway, bellowing Harry’s name. The giant Intruder had received a double tap to the knee For his trouble. Alerting John Watson and causing Sherlock to place an emergency call to Healer Montgomery.

As the Giant Groaned in agony, and John Watson stopped the bleeding. Muttering to the intruder He should have knocked more carefully.

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As Harry made his way back from the loo towards the dinning room He caught sight of his Uncle Sirius Levitating the largest man Harry had ever seen, the Giant Was in a full body bind while Sirius could be heard Audibly chastising him, Something along the lines of “ Really? Hagrid” As far as Harry could make out. With Uncle John Looking in credulous next to him, As if desperately wanting to ask, “ You know him? How?” But trying to keep the whole incident under wraps so as not to alarm their guests. Harry watched Uncle Sherlock and Healer Montgomery Killing after the Unknown Giant Possibly called “ Hagrid” and Uncle Sirius. They were headed towards the interrogation rooms in the basement That Harry wasn’t supposed to know about, but Dudley and he had discovered them ages ago When they were about 3. Uncle Sherlock and Dad had had a man named Moriarty tied to a chair down there.

He tried to convince Harry or Dudley to unchain him every time the visited. They’d only stopped going when Mummy ( Aunt Petunia) had caught them. She’d made them promise to never go down their again . Petunia Had only told them that Mr. Moriarty was a very bad man, that they were to never go near “ The Dungeon” again. Mummy had refused To tell them what that man did, and Harry and Dudley never did find out. It was something to ask dad about at a later date. Mr. Moriarty was creepy.

Harry was desperate at investigate the Mysterious giant that had clearly Knock down the front door that Uncle Remus was busy Repairing while his ghost dad James kept a look out. Harry sighed his Curiosity would have to wait not matter how much his Basic Holmes nature demanded he get answers. They had guests and new Alliances to forge. To day was A linchpin in his father’s masterplan , dad ( Mycroft) was Handling the politics. Harry and Dudley were in charge of the Quidditch Aspects of the plan, it was their first real Responsibility their father had ever placed on them. It meant Mycroft trusted them to have their Priorities straight,They were supposed to have fun and be kids but so also prepare the Myggleborn students to fit in during the Tournament, it was much easier to bond with your classmates If you had a mutual Understanding and appreciation for Quidditch, Magical Britain’s favorite pass time. Harry Grimaced and Resigned himself to Satiating his curiosity at a later date, His first priority had to be Quidditch. He and Dudley Could interrogate The Uncles at Dinner About the giant. For now Harry needed to keep Focused. He had to have Quidditch on the brain.

Let the Games begin, Harry grinned as he walked towards the Dinning room and the Unsuspecting students. Harry and Dudley would turn them into Quidditch champions before the tournament was over. Harry grinned again and sat back down eyeing his brother Discreetly it looked like Dudley Had taken a shine to Neville Longbottom, it looked they were going to be keeping the nervous boy around. Harry silently wondered if Longbottom was any good with plants , botany was an interest most of their group found Quite boring, it wasn’t good to have such a Blatant Gap in their collective knowledge. Plants were often the primary sources for Poisons, if Uncle Sherlock spoke true. And with the Holmes family luck they were Bound to need a plant specialist at some point during their schooling. Dudley had a bad Habit of chewing on random leaves when he was thinking. Harry Caught his brother’s eye momentarily, Conveying his questions and the Strange situation with the Giant. Dudley nodded Thoughtfully before Making the Inquiry to Longbottom if he had any interest in botany.

The shy boy’s answering smile Would’ve lit up a building.

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As the serving dishes were emptied and the last drops of tea drunk.The children made there way out to the future sight of the tournament. It was time to teach these Amateurs how to play Quidditch, Harry and Dudley through simultaneously.

The brothers looked at each other with matching grins. This was going to be fun.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooty about the Technical difficulties. My computer refused to let me copy and paste the chapter For the last hour. I hope this now rectify the situation.

It was Anarchy. It was chaos. It was bloody hilarious,( Stop laughing Darius!, You too Kingston! It isn’t Neville fault! The tree was just in the way!) It was a rousing success! It was Quidditch! Harry beamed. At all the other future Hogwarts students . It had taken most of the Afternoon but everyone including Lily Moon was finally Comfortable on a broom. Dean Thomas and Roger Davies were Tossing Quaffle experimentally between them, Showing an Inmpressive Level of dexterity. Justin Finch-Fletchley had taken to the broom like a fish to water He and Hermione have been racing for the last half hour. Dudley had taken Charge of Neville from the beginning walk their new friend through the step of flying well out of his grandmother’s ear shot. Neville was finally confident enough that Dursley was Coaxing him into Swinging a beaters bat which flying ( slowly but still Progress). Harry had Moved between each group of students, adjusting grips, giving Complements, and tossing around the Quaffle with the Weasley Twins when they started an Impromptu demonstration of a basic chaser formation. 

Ernie Macmillan and Seamus Finnegan seemed to be nature’s with a Quaffle, While Ron and Charlie Weasley Demonstrated to the group at large The importance of a Keeper. 

Harry was personally teaching Susan Bones and Roy Fitzgibbons ,Under the close supervision a Charlie Weasley and his Uncle John Watson how to play seeker , One of the more Airily challenging Positions . All of the children were having a go at every position, under the watchful eye of John Watson and Uncle Sirius , while Uncle Sherlock was otherwise Occupied( Most likely in the company of the Giant in the basement Harry assumes. 

The Quidditch Tutorial had not gone off without incident, Justin had Fallen off his broom into the fountain , Harry still wasn’t sure how he managed it Considering the fountain was on the other side of the property not next to the Quidditch pitch. Seamus Finnegan And Dean Thomas has set off fireworks when no one was looking sending Gnome Scattering from the surrounding bushes, A few still shouting “Viva la France!” After the explosions , no Doubt expatriates Hermione’s colony had adopted after the invasion had Subsided. Neville had gotten Stuck in the willow tree more times than Harry could count despite Dudley’s Constant vigilance. 

The player that had made the most remarkable progress Harry noted didn’t even seem all that Enthusiastic about it, Tracey Davis looked like she wanted to be anywhere else, despite having made the most goals out of any first year in the group. Harry shrugged it off and let Hermione handle it , Davis seems more interested in Muggle books then Quidditch earlier not doubt she was more of a reader. Some people just didn’t like sports no matter how goof they were at them.

As the sun began to set , the parents started to get restless . The message was clear Their Tutorial was finished, theywould have to wait to test their Newly acquired skills on the field. Harry grinned an headed towards the ground exchanging high fives and hugs with the other children as they landed And stowed away their broom. Everyone Exhausted and excited but sad to leave their newly made friends and Acquaintances. All looking forward to the tournament, to see their new friends again and test their skills.

As Ron drove off with Family all pack in the Weasley’s new Automobile Harry grinned at Dudley and Hermione. They had done it , Their goal has been met, every muggleborn on the Platform On September the first who know at least one Friendly face as they entered the magical world whether or not the Competed in the Holmes tournament, they had answered the question children Only feel Comfortable asking one another. Every newcomer left Holmes Manor feeling Confident and empowered, ready to take on Hogwarts with at least one new friend. Harry just hope his father had found the same success .  
Justin’s dad the Earl of Fletchmont had looked like he wanted to Decapitate someone when they had left. Ignatius had even hugged Justin before they got into the car, the Earl the muttered something about magical Nazis and safety From what Harry could overheat before they departed.

With the Guest gone and the mess taken care of Harry turned his mind back to a most important matter Dinner and Interrogating his uncles about the Giant Chained up in the cellar.

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If by chained up in the cellar one meant sitting a Comfortable chair in a padded cell Half a mile underground, Munching on finger sandwiches and Luke warm tea. And singing like a canary . Then yes Sherlock Would have to agree with his nephew’s assessment of the Situation.

The half giant Hagrid was an old Order of the Phoenix/school friend of of the Mauraders. He was here at the Manor under Albus Dumbledore’s direction orders, to pass along Harry Potter’s school letter. Hagrid has gotten Quite flustered when James Potter has corrected him about Harry’s last name. The Deceased Potter Lord has made it quite clear to Hagrid that Harry would always be James and Lily’s son, Holmes was the name of the family that Harry loved of the ( living)father That would quite literally burn the world down for him(. Not that Mycroft would ever let it come to that). Holmes was the name that would keep Harry alive and well protected. Hagrid had looked at The poltergeist that was his old friend.Hagrid then started asking question most of them to Sherlock’s Astonishment with rather intelligent.

James Potter May have just Unintentionally gotten them a double agent. Sherlock smiled , he had to tell Mycroft the marauders were getting quote good at Unintentional espionage. John Granger there resisident Interrogation specialist poured Hagrid a fresh cup of tea as if sensing the change in the air.

Dumbledore wouldn’t know what hit him. Thank goodness John Watson had already Apologized for shooting Hagrid. The half giant that been surprisingly casual about it, It wasn’t the first time he had taken a bullet. Muggles sometimes mistook him for Bigfoot When he was on Hogwarts business and the light was bad. 

Both Sherlock and James Failed horribly at Suppressing their laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cat in the hat.


	38. Or a chapter just Holmes Family Shenanigans

Harry, Dudley , Hermione And Every other Holmes under the age of 15 Sat around their grandparents dining room table . With newspapers various computer printer outs Scattered around them. The Holmes siblings plus Hermione were currently engaged In a rousing game of Dad, Uncle Sherlock, Grandma or Miscellaneous( Usually the Americans). Basically the entire family collected odd or eccentric newspaper stories From reliable sources. And Deduced which one of their family members were responsible for the headline. Hermione usually lost after the third round, The last three games had come down to Harry, Dudley, Kingston, Octavia and Poppy , Poppy was the current Reigning champion. Grandpa Sigmund Was the final authority on the debates as he Had the list of the True power behind the headline.

the first of the round was “ Murder solved in the South Pacific, Dolphins stabbed the man in a drug deal gone wrong.”

Every responds was the same, “ Grandma”

The next have a similar result The GDP of Denmark had taken a hit.

The same unanimous muttering answered the Unspoken question, “ Dad ( Mycroft)” The crown prince had insulted Mummy accidentally. The Situation has been rectified with a gift of Peaches and Signed Thor action figures for the boys. Mycroft could be forgiving For an unintentioned slight, if you apologized to his wife.

The third headline was a bit more tricky.  
“ Murder on the Dover coast, Glowing rabbits but no obvious sign of injury, Brilliant detective solves case but yacht is still missing.”

Harry and Dudley Exchanged a look And a modded in Agreement. The two eldest were the first to answer,” Dad and Uncle John, Uncle Sherlock was in Jakarta.”

Half the siblings Grumble in disappointment at another loss. While Hermione Just shrugged she was out in the first round this time. The Lone Granger in the group was busy munching on a cookie , Never really haven’t been invested in the game. In the first place.

Kingston was frowning And clearly annoyed at losing. But Poppy and Octavia were grinning Triumphantly at their grandfather and demanding the next one.

The fourth round was, “ Russian submarine spotted up the coast of Mexico, Submarine detected not by Sonar but Pigeons using the sub for target practice,”

The four Remaining Holmes competitors. All laughed and said “miscellaneous“. Who didn’t know about the genetically modified pigeon Roaming North America, The things identified Surveillance craft all the time, the Submarine haven’t stood chance, This one was too easy, Every Holmes Child conveyed this to their grandfather with a glance. 

Sigmund Chuckled and held up his hand, As if saying,” All right !all right! I’ll make it harder next time.”

The next two rounds were also ties.

Before grandpa Sigmund declared the lightning round. With a single headline, “ Antarctic cliff Falls into ocean, Creating massive wave That sinks cargo Freighter, no lives lost but Millions of rubber ducks Were stilled into the open ocean, Scientist are enthusiastic about using them to track Uncharted Currents in the Southern and Arctic Ocean.”

Poppy and Octavia Immediately declared, “Uncle Sherlock.”

While Harry and Dudley answered,” Mycroft.”

Sigmund smile Ruefully at the boys Before declaring his granddaughters the undisputed champions. 

That made Three losses in a row to poppy and Octavia. That Meant Harry and Dudley would have to take the to the British Museum instead of going to see Planetarium that weekend.

Dudley Grumbled but Congratulated his sisters while Harry just shrugged and asked If they wanted to see the sculpture or the Egyptology section Over the weekend.

Sigmund just smiled at all of his grandchildren proud of their good sportsmanship and brilliant intuition. Before putting another plate of cookies on the table. This time a plate of macaroons made by Petunia shipped from London , for just time Kind of Occasion.


	39. Chapter 39

Petunia groaned and silently curse her husband to Damnation as John Watson took her blood pressure once again. She was 2 week over due again and the boy’s tournament was due to commence any moment. If John’s Neon blue and green Quidditch robes were any indication, Petunia thought sadly .It was her boys first formal competition in the wizarding world , and she was going to miss it. Sort of. Mycroft had Remus enchant her window so she could watch her babies in action , without endangering her newest pregnancy. Petunia had never been so happy to have a Considerate husband and so annoyed to have one as well. Mycroft made it Near impossible to curse him to hell. Petunia grumbled internally as John told her her blood pressure was back in normal range. Finally. Her brother in law just Chuckled as she Cast a look of irritation towards him. John just grinned at her and said,” I know bed rest is a Miserable business but you will done with it any day now, With 2 more kids to show for it soon. Harry and Dudley send their love, Sirius and James Dragged them off to walk the pitch before the match or they would be hugging you For the third time today right now. Just try and rest right now . Sherlock and I will make sure nothing bad happens to them or At least nothing magic can’t fix.” John smiled and Made his way out of the room. Before his words fully registered with Petunia. 

The expecting mother spat out the pickle spear she was munching on that Mycroft had sent for her to snack on and shouted after John,” What do you mean keep it to what magic can fix! John! You bloody well better keep my Precious Dudders and Harrikins safe. Without a scratch on them! You hear me! Bed rest or no! I will sick Violet on you if anything happens to either of them!Do you hear me John Watson!” Petunia eSpecially for someone Who had married into the Holmes family Without any previous military service had a Rather impressively commanding voice when Irritated.

Her threats Echoed out into the courtyard where John Watson heard them and shuddered and Muttered something about terrifying Holmes women and Expecting matriarchs. Before looking at his Sherlock with a Accusatory glare as if to say,” This is all your fault, if I didn’t love you I wouldn’t have to deal with your family.” Sherlock just rolled his eyes and answered silently While glancing at the kids. Sherlock’s response was rather obvious.” But their one of the best parts! Like you would trade a moment of this insanity for anything else.”

Sherlock grinned at his husband before mounting his broom , Signaling to John that he should do the same . As John swung him leg over and secured his curse object fueled flying belt Sherlock took off and John blew the Whistle. It was time to play Quidditch.

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Mycroft Had spent the last three days Between the tutorial And the actual tournament Running himself ragged. Coordinating with all the parents , For some reason his mother couldn’t comprehend that some magical children were allergic to lemons, Due to Veela ancestry or some such. Mycroft had had to commission a team of Geneticists to look into the matter After he found out about the half giant still hanging out in the dungeon ( He meant Basement) and the part Veela brood of a French Diplomat that were invite to the tournament this evening.

Apolline Delacour and her girls were an interesting brunch, the women had looked rather shocked when she met him as if she expected the Holmes male Contingent to fall to their knees before them. None of them did thankfully but it did make Mycroft concerned about the Unexpected effects of wizard and magical creature cross breeding.. Humans Clearly shared this world with more than just The Silurians the Doctor had discover last June, But that was off-topic . Mycroft had to have Geneticists Analyze the situation and Prevent any problems DNA based security systems might have with Sentient beings that where not only human or mostly human. 

Thankfully Anthea Had been able to schedule a meeting with the Intergalactic centaur counsel For next week. For some reason they governed ever centaur herd In existence but the herd at Hogwarts which Mycroft was determined to change. The centaurs were a much needed ally in securing the forbidden forest. A crash and a High pitch Squeak brought Mycroft back to the Matter at hand. Lucius Malfoy was attempting to suck up again. And Snickerdoodle didn’t much care for the man. Mycroft’s beloved and Ever present companion the Umbrella/dog had been chasing the man Around the garden for the last half hour. Leaving a trail of magical gifts and kumquats in theit wake. On this matter Snickerdoodle And Mycroft were in agreement. Neither cared much for kumquats or the Blonde Wizard. He really should call the family pet off the first match was about to start. Mycroft thought to himself as he watched Lucius Malfoy run at full speed Across the portico with Snickerdoodle hot at his heels. Perhaps 5 more minutes Mycroft mused, his poor dog hadn’t gotten much Exercise this week. It was good to let Snickerdoodle burn off some excess energy before he intervened. Lucius seemed to the fairing Relatively well. There was no reason to rush to Intervene. The Umbrella/dog Was clearly enjoying himself.

He really should check on Harry and Dudley Mycroft mused to himself as he walked out of the room. Leaving Snickerdoodle to keep the blonde kiss ass business . Mycroft really should be focusing on his children after all it was their first Official competition. Mycroft smiled to himself as laughter greeted him as he entered the open air stadium. Thoroughly impressed by his own Craftsmanship, the turn out for the first annual Holmes tournament looked more like The season opener for Peddlemere United then a Hogwarts match. Mycroft made his way over to Harry and Dudley , the boys appeared to have the French Magical Minister trapped in a Philosophical debate about Wombats of all things.and their Magical properties. With Hermione chiming in Periodically and that Longbottom boy taking notes Rather intently, while their Usual cohort Ron Weasley munched on a cookie. Mycroft silently laughted at the sight , trust Ron Weasley to bring snacks to watch his Fellow Council of Doom members terrify a Respected politician with logic and reason . Mycroft stepped into the arguement as he reach them,it was best to distract the boys and Miss Granger before they really Became focused on an argument. The Frenchman looking he wouldn’t last another minute against them. Mycroft grinned with pride at his children not even teenagers yet and already terrifying and Influencing International Politicians.

Mycroft distracted the children enough to allow the The French Magical Minister to Make his excuses and flee back to the Relative safety of his Lovely wife and daughters who all still seemed rather miffed that not a single son of the Holmes line had declared their undying love for them yet. Only the red haired Weasley boy had seemed enchanted by them but Hermione had dragged him away from the Delacour encampment by the Refreshments before Ron could Embarrass himself. Gabriella and Fleur had been rather put out when the young Miss Granger had intervened but that had changed to shock rather quickly when the young lady had returned with the Holmes Matriarch at her Heels accusing them of cheating. An angry Hermione shouting about Quidditch rules and Veela allure usage regulations had caused quite the commotion before Violet finally decided to Intervene. With a simple question Directed at the girls mother, Surely the illustrious Madame Delacour would never condone her daughter Cheating , with the girls being so young they must not have complete control of their abilities. The unspoken Accusation with a mild threat attached causes Just the right amount of intended humiliation. With all the other magical parents around. A part Veela witch passed the age of three that didn’t have basic Control of her abilities should never have even been let out of the house let alone brought to an international event with her peers. If a child had not been taught proper control it was at the fault of the parents, Madame Delacour Stammered something about having a cold and then quietly Reprimanded her daughters all while Turning an ever more impressive shade of red in embarrassment. Violet simply smiled before saying just loud enough for everyone to hear, “ that is quite alright my dear . Everyone loses there head from time to time Especially under magical Circumstances.” 

Hermione just glared Triumphantly and went back to her friends. Leaving Grandmummy Holmes To contend with the French. Violet Holmes had a low tolerance for cheaters or those who competed using anything but their own merits. Creativity within the rules was one thing Blatant cheating was another. Violet Holmes was not a women to be Trifled with,

.Hermione returned to the Holmes brothers to talk Strategy safe in the Knowledge that the most powerful woman in England had everything well in hand. Allowing the younger generation to go kick some ass. Dudley and Harry were still a bit put out that they had divided the tournament by year group, 10 to14 and 15 to 18 to allow so many teams to compete safely. Hermione had had to point out more then once, Dudley and Neville would have been made to play as Alternates instead of first line beaters if they hadn’t divided the age groups, but Harry and Dudley were just put out that they wouldn’t get to play against Charlie or Percy again before school started. They were only competing against the twins because of this age based Segregation. The argument continued between Hermione and the Holmes until Ron Piped in with,” Isn’t the whole point of the tournament to let the Muggleborns blend in?” Harry , Dudley , and Hermione stopped in shock for a moment before they all grinned , Ron that just made a logical Contribution to their argument and won it. For the first time in their friendship. The three had to Agree Ron was right. Hermione silently thought it must be snowing in hell right now, as she Agreed with Ron. And she passed Harry a galleon,she had lost that bet Rather spectacularly. Ron was implementing logic before they were 17 ,Who would’ve thought it. Maybe Neville’s Arrival had something to do with it. Hermione would need to look into that, Longbottom seemed to make them all act more Thoughtfully.. Hermione shook herself to get her mind back on track. They had a tournament to win and a smug pureblood to cut down to size. Draco Malfoy had managed to insult her mother before they had even taken to the skies. 

Hermione and Harry’s heads snapped up as they heard a Whistle sound. The first match was set to begin Charlie and his friends vs. a few older Ravenclaws and a select number of Slytherins. They all grinned. Let the games begin.


	40. Chapter 40

Hagrid calmly ate another tiny sandwich while considering the Holmes’ offer, they would modifying his memory Either way, Which they could do legally because he had trespassed.The ghost of James Potter had been the one to Convey the offer of employment and basic training in spy craft after all 3 marauders had told him about Albus’ actions Pertaining to Harry . While Hagrid Still thought Albus Dumbledore did his best to protect the young Mister Potter, it appeared now that James and Harry’s new papa , The rather terrifying Mycroft Holmes Had a more Thorough and detailed plan to protect young Harry. Hagrid had to Concede James and Lily knew best when it can to their own flesh and blood. Hagrid had no desire to take Harry away From by all appearances A very devoted, powerful and loving family. Every child deserved to grow up with a loving Da ,like Hagrid had. 

Merlin, he missed his own father. Hagrid Blew his nose into a handkerchief. He knew what it was like to lose a parent, Hagrid had no intention of making Harry Potter Experience that again Especially not at this age.

Hagrid Drank the last of his tea and turned to the rather pretty Brazilian witch that had been put in charge of him. She was almost as tall as him , with such a Wonderful accent. Hagrid told her he had made a Decision. That he would help protect Harry Potter, so long as it didn’t harm Albus’ position the tall pretty witch smiled at him. Before saying she would inform Mr. Holmes immediately and pouring him another cup of tea.

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As the first match of tournament Was taking place, parents and International delegates cheered as Oliver Wood blocked the Quaffle once again. Violet Holmes cornered Augusta Longbottom, With no preamble or polite greeting the Holmes matriarch Made a rather blunt inquiry. “Why aren’t Alice or Frank Longbottom here? Their Absence has an upset Lily.” 

Over the furious Matriarchs left shoulder, Augusta could see a visibly distraught mostly solid Looking Lily Potter with her husband James in A similar state seated beside her. The couple locked in furious whispers with Sirius and Remus. All four Glancing toward her, With accusatory eyes. As if Condemning and blaming her for the friends Absence. Augusta actually heard Lily say, “ Alice is Harry’s Godmother she should be here. And Frank would never miss his son’s first Quidditch match. There is something wrong James. I don’t know why I Augusta is the only one here? I thought Alice and Frank Couldn’t stand to see the sight of us since we are Technically dead not Augusta and Neville’s actions just don’t make sense!” Lily’s voice And the rest of her statement or drowned out by G cacophony of cheers as Charlie Weasley Made a five for the golden snitch Missing it by an inch.

Augusta Looked back at Violet Barely suppressing her tears. The Longbottom Matriarch finally after so many year let herself sob out an Explanation for Frank’s absence. Violet Holmes went from furious to understanding as the word torture left the other woman’s lips. 

It was with a Surrounding crowd applauding a Quidditch match and odd looks from a few German Diplomats . Augusta Longbottom to Violet Holmes Everything. And Violet and Lily began to plan. 

During this whole Arduous event, Neville was thankfully Occupied by his friends And blissfully unaware of this sobbing gran. Because if he had been even at 11 , there was nothing more likely To wake up a dormant Longbottom dragon then the woman that raised him sobbing Hysterically. It would have mad the Holmes Neville’s life long enemies rather than life long friends. No matter the reason no one made Augusta Longbottom cry if Neville had anything to say about it.

But Neville didn’t notice he was too far away, So Augusta cried and For the first time since Frank was Admitted to Saint Mungo’s she had someone to lean on besides her idiot brother Algie or her grandson , Which was simply out of the question.

Augusta Sobbed until she could summon no more tears and then she began to listen. Violet started taking about Torture and PTSD, And the Muggle mental health system, By the time she was done Augusta could help but agree. They had exhausted every other option , Why not let Violet’s Son-in-law and Lily take a look at them. Augusta had simply nodding. The match was still on going Charlie Weasley haven’t yet called a snitch, They had at least 20 minutes before the Neville’s first match. Violet pulled Augusta to her feet, And guided her through the stands, with Healer Montgomery accompanying them to Guide them to the fire. Augusta had medical transport to arrange, with Saint Mungo’s. It was time Frank and Alice Got a second opinion even if it was from beyond the grave. Lily was forever in Augusta’s opinion a brilliant healer, And one never knew what Muggle medicine could do.


	41. Chapter 41

The crowd was boisterous and jovial as they made their way Up the stairs into the stands. The children jokingly Pretending to fall off knowing full well every staircase was warded to Prevent such an activity, because dad was just that paranoid. And Livingston the Holmes family solicitor Would have Hounded him To no end to ward them. Even if he wasn’t anything to prevent a lawsuit Especially a magical one. The Hermione’s guard Gnomes took climbs ropes straight to the family box, Avoiding any risk of getting stepped on or Kidnapped by small curious children( Put the Gnome down Regina! You too Sherringford! Gnomes are not for eating! I don’t care if they look like gummy bears!) Mycroft was definitely Feeling the absence of Petunia When it came to corralling the children. 

The Holmes collective, The Weasleys, a few German friends of Mycroft, the French chessmaster Charles McNamara and Albert Fleming the announcer Mycroft had Hired for the tournament Made their way to the Holmes family box The one at the very top closest to the action. The British Minister of Magic attempted to sit there as well a Lucius Malfoy and his son but all three were Redirected by usher before they could set foot in the box. The reserved seats Were far from the Holmes family box or the press box as one could get as a not so Subtle reminder the were on Mycroft’s shit list.

Lucius for this political Miscalculations and Fudge for his Blatant stupidity. For that they would be well out of Limelight and not receive an ounce of good press from the Holmes family tournament, They were seated so far away from anyone of political influence That most assumed Mycroft hadn’t even bother to invite them. As the tournament progress their Absence was noted by plenty of the cabinet and rumors Started to circulate. By the conclusion of the event Cornelius fudge was well on his way To a vote of no confidence Many of the Holmes the Wizengamot Looking towards Amelia Bones as a Favorable neutral successor, And opinion that Mycroft Holmes seemed to share. Lucius Malfoy Had been stricken from many a Mental Samhain invitation list Due to his Absence. Many old family noted Holmes seem the new king of the castle, supported by the House of Black and the Current ghostly head of the house of Potter. Many political players noted the man was neutral not favoring Dumbledore or the former death eaters. Mycroft Holmes seemed Only in favor I the good of the magical nation. Not a negative word said about the old celebrations, or A judgmental eye turned towards the Muggles Present not that they were easily identified. 

Every parent, Guardian or child present seemed to know the intricacies of magical Society even if it was just a handshake and a pat on the back. It made introductions and socializing go that much smoothly. The presence of the Holmes clan Seemed to render barriers between the two worlds nearly indistinguishable, As every parent magical or Muggle leap to their feet to cheer on the children or Booh the Referees. John Watson and Sherlock Holmes, The politically minded members of the crowd kept he Booh and Complaints to a minimum as Mycroft Holmes protective streak When it came to his brother or his children has become quite Common knowledge among the magical bureaucracy. With every call and judgment not a word was Muttered about Stupid Muggles , Because as all magical folk knew , Only wizards and witches could fly on a broom. The Selective ignorance Of the Magical Community would be the subject of more the one conversation or Bout of laughter Over the Holmes breakfast table In the coming weeks, Because that simple assumption made Executing Mycroft’s plan that much more easy. Pureblood prejudice Wasn’t an obstacle if they assumed you were their magical equal and not a very clever Muggle plotting to turn their whole world on its ear. 

As Charlie Weasley, Declared victory holding the golden snitch a loft, The first match came to an end, With not a magical member of the Ministry Questioning The magical Ability their host, or his family. As every goal the Weasley boy’s team had scored had been greeted with cheers from  
The Holmes box and A charming musical number and dance Performed By Gnomes Dressed in Hula skirts Under the instruction and supervision and of Mycroft Eldest son Harry Potter Holmes. A truly gifted Young wizard if he could manage that at 11, He was truly a testament to his father If you ask any politically minded member of the British Wizarding community. Each ever mindful that gifted young wizards tend to Follow in the footsteps of their terrifying fathers. Not a single pureblood Family ignored the fact that young Ron Weasley was Among The Holmes cohort, Several wizards and witches sent their tongues wagging theorizing how Arthur Weasley had Managed That kind of a political maneuver. 

Mycroft Holmes Guarded his children so religiously that introductions before Hogwarts were a near impossibility. As the (future) Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office Slowly advanced politically without his knowledge, or Understanding. This Rise in Social standing would manifest in a number of ways including An increase in office size and a Notable improvement in the Artificial weather in Arthur’s office window Come Monday morning. Mycroft was brought of his Political musing And maneuvering when the victory was Declared Charlie’s team “ The Caucasian one Asian invasion “ Had won the match over Their opponents “ The dastardly bookworms”. The teaming had made John and Sherlock Snicker like Children upon there registration. Mycroft Smiled slightly such ridiculous names gave the parents and spectators A not so subtle reminder that the competitors were young children. That cheering and boohing The referees Was encouraged and expected, But this was not a professional match. Any unsavory shenanigans would not be tolerated. Despite Hermione’s Legion of Gnomes Under Harry’s Instruction breaking out into a rather good Rendition of “ Macho Man by The Village People”. It made quite the impression on the magical fans, Well scandalizing a few of the older Muggle grandparents. 

Lightening the mood Considerably after a Rogue bludger Nearly knocked Marcus Flint out of air As Sherlock and John raced to collect the rather violent sporting Equipment. Medical personnel Were of course On Hand To examine the young Mr. Flint As soon as he landed. Everyone of the player left the field in better Physical condition then when they left according to all the parents after the tournament. Mrs. Finnegan , Seamus Finnegan’s mother Would later recount the tournament healers detecting and treating Seamus’ Developing case of dragon pox Before he left the field. Such an illness would have made him miss the beginning of his Hogwarts first year. Such diligent and free medical care Put Mycroft Holmes. And by extension his sons in the Finnegan family matriarch’s good books . Something that would make all the difference in a few years during a certain tournaments, that nearly had Mycroft Throttling Albus Dumbledore.

But that was a matter for a different time. As Mycroft Watched the next team Take the field , It was time for Harry and Dudley’s first match.


	42. Chapter 42

Away from the parents and the excitement of the stands were the locker rooms where the students and competitors could socialize and change into their Quidditch gear. Charlie’s team swept through after their medical checks . Marcus Flint was behind Charlie with The rest of his team close behind him. Flint was the current captain of the Slytherin team , A remarkable achievement for only a fourth year, Marcus Went Barreling towards Charlie with a Bellow of “Weasley !” . Making the Eldest present Weasley Turn just time To be pulled into a bear hug by a grinning Slytherin chaser Startling most of the younger competitors. Charlie returned the enthusiastic bear hug Before trapping Marcus in a headlock. 

Both young men grinning, Charlie only releasing the young Flint heir When he begged for mercy theatrically. The interaction between the two Lightened the Atmosphere of the locker room considerably. Most of the younger students present had spent the last 20 minutes stressing or strategizing about playing their first match. Charlie called Ron and his team over( Harry, Dudley ,Hermione, and the rest) , The older Weasley made quick introductions, Before Finishing with , “ Marcus of course you know Oliver , Percy and the twins , And their teammates Angelina , Katie, and Lucrezia.” Charlie laughed Again at confused face of his youngest brother. Charlie briefly explain to Ron while Marcus and Oliver Glared daggers at each other,” Marcus is a good friend of mine from Hogwarts. One of the most vicious chasers I’ve ever met. Or had the pleasure To play against. He might be a Slytherin but he’s a worthy opponent and a dear friend. So get that look off your face Ronald, You shouldn’t pick your friends Based on house the colors you don’t even wear yet.” With that Charlie turned back to his friend And the other older teenagers.

Ron having been suitable chastised, Looked at his friends while his ears turned beet red. And Harry quietly comforted the ginger haired boy. No one liked being told off by their older brother in public, No matter if their older sibling was right or not. It was still embarrassing. Harry Slapped Ron the back and Said encouragingly,” At least now we know that those rumors about Slytherins aren’t true. If one is friends with your brother. But that doesn’t matter now , We need to focus, its time to kick the Dancing Woodchucks Ass! You’re with me?” Ron grinned at Harry, Silently thankful for having him as a friend before vehemently and loudly agreeing with a. “ Hell Yeah!” That was quickly picked up by the others. Susan bones the apparent De facto captain of the dancing woodchucks shouted her opposition to that statement with her teammates including Draco Malfoy, Dean Thomas, And Hannah Abbot As well as the Weasley twins. Fred And George While not happy about being on a team with the arrogant Malfoy prick, were more concerned With beating Ron then anything else.

The only hiccup with the friendly rivalry was Draco’s misreading of the Friendly smack talk , and the Blonde haired boy declaring,” We are going to beat you lot so bad Granger’s mudblood mother is going to feel it !” Draco having misinterpreted the your mama Jokes Harry, Dudley ,and Hannah had been exchanging, Had his attempt at a joke met not with laughter but with Stone cold Silence before Marcus Flint was in front of him in an instant. 

Hauling him out of the locker room by the arm While loudly saying So everyone would hear, “ It’s stupidity like that , that takes the fun out of the game Malfoy. Somewhere out there, There’s a tree who’s sole purpose in life is to replace the oxygen you just wasted . Go find it and apologize. Quickly. Idiocy like that won’t be tolerated here. Nor On any Quidditch pitch or Team I Captain, If you intend to play Quidditch for Slytherin At any point during your Hogwarts career I suggest you go kiss that oak tree and think about what you just did. I’ll be standing here watching Malfoy , You’d best make a decision , If you want to play on that pitch.” Malfoy looking alarmed and a bit confused as to why a Slytherin Quidditch Captain was defending a mudblood , Throwing his entire believe system into question in just a few seconds. Scurried towards the oak tree Just outside the door, Charlie Weasley quickly shut the locker room door Obscuring the view of anyone inside. Charlie and Oliver planted themselves in front of the door telling the others to go back to their business. Charlie Understood what was motivating Marcus’ Swift and Rather public actions , outside of the normal Taboo of the word Mudblood , Just thinking it made his skin crawl. Marcus Flint’s little cousin Millicent was a half blood, with a Muggle born for a Mum. Marcus was basically her older brother. He had been defending Millie from comments like this since she was born. Marcus knew the only way to get through to an already clearly bigoted young Malfoy who was sure to be a Slytherin if he follow His centuries old family tradition. Was to have an older, bigher, and scarier young man Who was already in a position of power within Slytherin Publicly reprimand him for it. Having Malfoy kiss a tree and Apologize to it for Wasting oxygen spewing that bigoted stupidity Was certainly an effective way to do it. But if everyone witnessed it ,it would most likely backfire spectacularly. The fact that everyone in the locker room heard about it was enough , anyone seeing it would most likely Scarred the Young Malfoy Unnecessarily. He needed to learn a lesson not Suffer an embarrassment. That would most likely follow him for the rest of his Hogwarts career. With the door shut and Charlie standing guard, Malfoy kissing a tree because he’s an idiot would be a funny story from the tournament, Not a humiliating event That would follow Draco Malfoy well into his first year. Charlie looked directly at the twins sending a silent message that was quite clear. Fred and George started to Laugh hysterically and Instead of mocking Draco and Marcus They made fun of Charlie and his Molly Weasley like glare. The twins might be pranksters but they knew where the line was. They might cross it occasionally with Ron but they would never intentionally cause someone irreversible damage to their psyche. Especially not under Charlie Weasley Penetrating glare. 

With a great deal more laughter and a bit of prompting from Oliver the twins got everyone to start changing into their gear, And distracted the lot of them from Draco Malfoy’s poorly thought out joke and Public humiliation at the hands of an angry Slytherin Quidditch Captain. 

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A few moments later Marcus Flint reentered The communal locker room with a Sufficiently Chastised Draco Malfoy in his wake. The older Slytherin told him to get ready for his match and to not forget what he said. With those last words Draco went to put on his kit, and Marcus went to Have a drink with Charlie From the Weasley’s Contraband flask. Marcus was pleasantly surprised Charlie actually had high-quality Ogden’s firewhiskey with a decent vintage. Charlie had chuckled at Marcus’ look of surprise before explaining it was a Graduation gift from Mycroft Holmes. Marcus Flint Raised an eyebrow at that before taking another sip. It was good whiskey No matter how Weasley got it.

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With laughter and a few more discreetly taken drinks from the contraband flask. The older Competitors Shouted last minute advice , to the First and second years. With Charlie’s Words being the loudest and the most ridiculous, “ Just ignore the crowd! Focus on the snitch!” His advice of course being directed to Harry and Susan As Draco Malfoy had been relegated inexplicably To playing keeper. As none of the other chasers wanted to talk to him at the moment. 

As the doors from the locker room were thrown open, And the younger competitors entered the stadium to the roar of the crowd , The older players Toasted them and Said one last good luck.

The Young men and women still mostly children silently Wondered what they had just gotten themselves into. As the doors closed behind them and they heard the Referees call , “ Mount your brooms!” The children Collectively smiled , they were really doing this! They were playing Quidditch in front of an International Audience! The children took one last look at one another before the announcer bellowed The first team’s name Summoning them to the field. Harry , Hermione and Dudley Took off like a shot one after another. As the announcer called “ The council of doom” to take the pitch. There team name was greeted by Laughter from the parents and a Proud Smile from Mycroft and the Marauders. The five men quite happy and proud of the children’s choice in calling card. The council of doom had a nice Ominous but funny ring to it.

As the crowd died down , The children took their positions. The Tension on the field increased by the second, Until Sherlock Holmes released the snitch and John Watson tosses the Quaffle. 

In everyone’s mind the same sentence pasted . Let the Games begin at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this story, Marcus Flint and Charlie Weasley are Quidditch rivals and friends. Millicent Bulstroud is a halfblood and Marcus is her cousin/protective older brother. He and Charlie have no tolerance for bullshit in this chapter. 
> 
> And yes some Slytherins gave a basic understanding of Photosynthesis, they all have to take Herbology is Professor Sprout after all!


	43. Chapter 43

The crowd cheered With such enthusiasm that their Collective voice Seemed to shake the Quidditch stadium. Which unknowingly to most of the parents , Unless their last name was Holmes added a Slight Cross-breeze from the west making the flight conditions Slightly less than ideal. But with no cause for concern at the moment, the Gnomes in the Holmes box Spontaneously dawned Black hooded cloaks from out of thin air , The gnomes seemed be pulling a costume change but as Hermione scored the first goal And the parents cheered the Gnomes Call pulled back their hoods And raise their laser pointers Spelling out the words , hail to the overlord ! Hermione Granger, the destroyer and Purveyor of Tupperware. “

The concerned Bellows of the announcer were drowned out by the Star Wars theme song Being produced from God knows where growing progressively louder, as the Council of doom continue to play Valiantly against the woodchuck dancing woodchucks with a score of 50 to 30 Which was now being Projected into the heavens via gnome guided laser pointers. As Hermione dodged a bludger that was almost unmediated Hit by Dudley be towards Susan , the Gnome began to screech , “ Flying gum balls with no stop  
Our fearless leader!” The Gnome began to do The Macarena Under the supervision of Darius and Kingston , while Mycroft Pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to Physically will his coming headache away , while the Laughter of Sherlock Holmes could be heard over the ridiculous cacophony, and The Mauraders Near hysterical cackling. Over the laughter and Hilarity John Watson could be heard calling a Penalty on Dudley for aggressive hugging.

While the insanity broke out Neville hit a bludger right towards Malfoy knocking him off him broom. While the healers collected Draco and Hannah took the Penalty shot , which Ron failed to block , bringing to score to 60 to 50 In the Council of Doom’s favor. As the game got back on track, with another Quaffle toss and Hermione gaining possession of the ball, the Gnome could be heard In a rousing rendition of Back in Black , the Gnome Legion had somehow managed Another costume change this time into get ups that looked Suspiciously like Power Rangers costumers Completely With phasers and Nunchucks ( which were Promptly confiscated by Anthea and Helen). As the gnomes Declared they had been let loose from the noose, Hermione tossed the Quaffle through the center hoop, Bringing in the score to 70 to 50 Still in Dooms favor. The game continued in much the same manner with Dudley and Neville Holding their own against the Twin Tycoons matching them Bludger for Bludger until on got through Nearly nothing Ron into the hoops. Susan managed to score once again Just before Harry Went into a dive Having found the snitch, with Dean Thomas just behind him . Harry managed to Capture the snitch nearly running into the side of the stadium. As Harry shouted declaring their victory the Gnome started Dancing again , And shout were heard through the crowd, as Parents shouted , “ He’s on fire!” For a moment Harry thought They meant figuratively, until he started to smell smoke.

In a panic Harry dropped to the grown about 4 feet below him and started to roll around. It seemed that Combined focus of all the mirrored shades The gnome legion Had been wearing at the end of the game and hyper focused on him for a moment lighting his robes on fire. As Harry attempted To smother the fire, Hermione could be heard screaming for the fire brigade, while Mycroft hit the button for the lawn Sprinklers to engage. 

As the sprinklers turned on out of The ground gnomes In firefighting gear popped out connecting their hoses to the base of the sprinklers in less than a moment They were drenching Harry and The closest spectators in water and Confetti for some reason.

Hermione and Dudley With Ron a second behind them Landed as close to Harry as possible. One of the Gnomes in Fire gear Handed a scroll to Hermione. As the girl looked at After confirming that Harry was fine and no longer ablaze, Hermione examined the unfamiliar Piece of parchment, she looked back at the Gnome King in fire fighting gear and Said rather exasperatedly, “ How many times do I have to tell you I don’t speak Yiddish, All I can understand is the first two words fire protocols. I appreciate your quick work but we really must get these translated.” Hermione pulled out a pen and sign the paperwork before handing it back to the gnome Monarch.

What was it With Gnomes and Anthea Holmes Every time there was a fire you had to fill out paperwork, Hermione mused as She made her way over to Harry, where Dudley Was hugging his brother And Quietly muttering that they couldn’t take him anywhere. Harry just responded by chuckling That he had inherited both the Holmes and potter luck, While Dudley only had to deal with one of them. Hermione called them both idiots as Dudley and Harry dragged her into the hug. 

When the children finally broke apart it was to face the entirety of the Holmes family sprinting onto the field, lead by Mycroft. The Holmes Patriarch met Healer Montgomery and Uncle John Check Harry Three separate times before finally excepting that his son had managed to be set on fire and play a chaotic Quidditch match and come out completely unscathed. Mycroft Could be heard muttering, “ Good lord sometimes Harry is worse then Sherlock.” While hugging his eldest son tightly.

After that rather eventful match, The first in your Holmes tournament. Continued rather uneventfulmy. Charlie’s team won the older student division after soundly defeating a Combined team from Italy and France. While the council of doom Finished second in their division Only being defeated by the champions a team from Japan That had been flying together since they were three. A part From a few bludger induced injuries and Harry catching fire The need for the medical tent was relatively minor, Unless you counted the healers finding A few cases of Dragon Pox and acute for the common cold While the children were competing. A bored healer Fluent in Yiddish had been taking shop with on of the Gnomes Assigned to the nursing staff, Apparently the gnomes had had a cure for years And were just waiting for the Wizards to ask. Hermione was a key figure in the following negotiations for the manufacture and sale of the common cold elixir Being produced and made available at Saint Mungo’s. The millions that rolled in Kept the Gnome Empire flush with broken Pottery and Tupperware for Generations. But no matter what Harry kept sneezing. 

The Tournament Came to a close just as Dramatically as it began, With trophies presented and Mycroft Politely telling the diplomats and British bureaucrats to get the hell out him house After the ceremony. The children were all laughing and familiar with each other, Having forged new friendships that would serve them well at Hogwarts. Malfoy had even managed to learn something, The boy actually apologized to Hermione and her mother Before leaving through the fire with his father. Lucius has visibly Shrunken back from the Holmes family when Hermione asked about Dobby Who had been trailing behind them for the entire event.

So that was how Hermione got an Apology from the Malfoy heir, and her mother was gifted a “ Dobby” Which she probably freed. The house elf Rather happily moved in to the tool shed in the backyard, Becoming a dealer for the casino the gnomes had set up back there, A quiet back room affair , As rather clandestine operation That of course gave Mycroft A healthy cut of the profits. Even if it was mostly just biscuits from Buckingham palace and 17th century weaponry. Being gambled to way there, By various magical creatures . Mycroft was still looking into how Narwhals Were able to get into his backyard to gamble, Considering how far they were from the Arctic. 

As the chaos came to an end and the family sat down for a peaceful dinner, Laughter flowed as did the whiskey. The children were counting their favorite parts of the tournament, With every adult says people proud they were of them , how happy they were they made new friends But Harry and Dudley persistently lamented that they had lost their last match. Mycroft had just laughed and said With pride that they had played their part in the family plan very well. With Harry and Dudley both going from Mournful to joyous After receiving such high praise from their father. 

As the family went their separate ways to sleep for the night a high pitched screech could be heard From Petunia’s bedchamber. Mycroft blanched , the enchanted window with the six hour delay , he Realized he was doomed as Petunia’s voice carried down the hallway, “ Mycroft Holmes! Why is my baby on Fire! “

Mycroft sighed and squared his shoulders Looking like a man ready to meet his maker. 

Petunia was angry, be fortunately for Mycroft and Harry. Labor is very Distracting. Sherlock Wouldn’t have to deliver his brother’s eulogy anytime soon. 

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At 8:26 Three days later, Elizabeth and Arabella Holmes joined the ranks of the Holmes family. With Petunia swearing these were the last. The universe just Laughted, six months later Another pregnancy announcement was in the papers Quadruplets this time.   
It would another year before the pirate ship was ready to sail,.


	44. Chapter 44

Hagrid’s training progressed rather slowly, the half giant Was hopeless at firearms training. Any piece of technology placed in his hands either burst into flame or was crushed accidentally. Gisele the pretty Brazilian Operative from Mycroft’s Organization that has been placed in charge of minding the kind hearted giant , Was at a loss of what to do next. Until one of the guard dog got loose.

The 200 Pound Caucasian Mastiff That had once killed a polar bear. Was found in Hagrid’s Possession, The massive deadly canine Was curled up In The giant’s lap Happily eating dog biscuits. While Hagrid scratches him behind the ears. The Giants Abilities as an animal whisperer were quite clear. Gisele, After careful consultation with Anthea Formulate a new plan. 

With Hagrid they would have to go old school, no magic or Technology, just lemon juice and a match sticks. Something that hasn’t been done since World War One. Now all they needed was a Pomeranian, and Hagrid’s mission could begin. Gisele thought happily.


	45. Chapter 45

Sebastian Wimbledon appletorte Churchhill the third, Has been the primary solicitor for the black family for nearly Three Quarters of a century. He had advised on marriages, negotiated contracts, And even walked Narcissa Malfoy nee black Down the aisle after that horrible unpleasantness with the ministry investigations making her own father unavailable to undertake such a great honor. Yes he had been a Trusted legal advisor the lords of the Black line His entire career. And this upstart this pompous child, Livingston had the gall to tell him that he would be handling The house affairs from now on. The gail of that man Was unbelievable, Even if he did have Paperwork signed by The Current Lord Black , The treacherous ungrateful welp Sirius Black. Sebastian had never seen A more ungrateful child Of an ancient and Noble house. The man behaved like an overgrown school boy, Being let around by his prick By his wife. Beautiful and terrifying tho she may be. Sebastian had only Been granted one audience with the current Lord and Lady of the house. Anthea Black had. Dismissed him after only a glance, Sirius Had merely demanded The family keys to every vault and Property Sebastian head over seen For the last century. The Thankless welp Had dismissed him After informing him he would be paying his usual fee.

Of as the Insults ! They hadn’t even offered him a cup of tea! And now this upstart this Half blooded, Inexperienced counselor, Was Attempting to usurp his position . This bastard Livingston, Didn’t even belong to White’s Wizarding gentleman’s club, The Pompous Bastard was a known member of That’s ridiculous  
Diogenes Club, The Scandalous place was notorious for having both Magical and Muggle members. This Rabble rousing Muggle lover was Smugly informing him that he was doing him a professional courtesy informing him you would be taking over Sebastian’s Oldest client. The Pompous little prick Had actually had the nerve to request his files in person! As if the bastard had a legal Expertise to understand them. Sebastian shook With suppressed fury before he growled The Solicitor equivalent of over my dead body. Sebastian and his most condescending voice informed That pompous prick Livingston, That he would need to verify this paperwork with the courts, Before forwarding any paperwork.

Livingston in the age old legal tradition of the silent “ Fuck You” , Smugly Before leaving through the fire. A resounding crash echoed a split second after his departure, Sebastian Wimbledon appletorte Churchhill the third, Had huld his Antique Ming Dynasty vase( A gift from Previous Lord black) At the pompous prick’s Head the moment he turned his back. 

Sebastian was furious, If he turned over any of his files or paperwork it would cut off the dark Lord’s Financial Support! The black family coffers were to be at Voldemort’s disposal in perpetum, It was the major clause of Arcturus’ last will and testament. Sebastian need to write Narcissa , Perhaps she could convince her cousin of the foolishness Of this Preposterous Legal maneuver. To find a new family firm ,It was simply unheard of.

Sebastian muttered to himself As he retrieved a pen and parchment, Sirius Black Was a foolish child, This had to be doing of that wife of his, Sebastian simply had to have Narcissa sort it out . It was such a simple matter one letter And he would keep the black account. 

What the Distinguish solicitor failed to Realize, was that Sirius Black and Mycroft Holmes. Were monitoring any correspondence pertaining to the black estates With eagle eyes. The worst way to go about keeping a client Is insulting their wife, At Livingston the new black family attorney as well as the Holmes family solicitor Would happily inform you.

But not to worry about Sebastian, It was the popular opinion among the magical legal community that the man should’ve retired Nearly a quarter of a century ago. No one was sad To see the distinguished ,backstabbing, Narcissistic chambers member go . It was about time Sebastian went out to pasture, The man kept muttering about dark wizards And alpacas. I really just need to spend some time with his grandchildren, And perhaps get examined at Saint Mungo’s . A century of service So the Ancient and Noble house of black, Could not have been doing his health any favors , Especially since Bellatrix Used to publicly curse the man Every time he argued Her case before them. 

Yes it was by far better in the opinion of the courts And most of magical Britain, That the management of the black family legal affairs be turned over to a much younger man. Livingston was a perfectly respectable option, The magical courts would agree , It was much better to have the black family coffers Protected by a much younger and saber solicitor. Someone worthy of protecting the financial interests Of the godfather of young Harry Potter.

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Sirius Black chuckled As he cut open a letter from his cousin. Sirius was in a brilliant mood, the man was laying On the sofa before the fire with his head in his wife’s lap. This evening being one of the few Anthea was home before The sunset. There children were quietly playing on the carpet Building some sort of Lego fortress, The Death Star” If Sirius recalled correctly. 

The Black Lord suppressed a groan as his wife pressed a pressure Points in his neck final Relieving the last remnants of stress from his day. As Sirius chuckled, And read the letter from his cousin Narcissa. The Maurader Snorted I can come to the end, And said,” It looks like Mycroft was right. We found the source of the Dark Lord’s  
Endless coffers , my own bloody vaults. It looks like old Wimbledon it trying To stop the transition. It appears he has roped. Narcissa Into helping him. She always was his favorite, The crusty old bastard even went so far as to poison old Pollux So he could walk her down the aisle. The mad old Codger, must be in denial, if he thinks he will be Maintaining our Patronage, Especially after what happened in the Nile. Anthea looked at the letter Her husband offered and smiled before Pitching it into the fire.

After all one really shouldn’t piss off the Lady of the Manor. She is liable to set your whole world on fire, It’s a good thing the Holmes Clan had a Gnome Fire brigade at their disposal.


	46. Chapter 46

Harry grimaced as he descended into the subterranean labyrinth once again, Dudley who is about 2 feet above him had farted again. His brother had eaten beans despite Harry’s warning That tonight was the last family outing before they left for Hogwarts. But Dudley had ignored him As he occasionally did. So the two eldest scions of the Holmes Clan descended it into the darkness Together, One mildly irritated And the other overly flatulent. They unclipped their harnesses As they Finished their Dissent, Mycroft Holmes and Sherlock Were there waiting for them. 

The older Generation of Holmes brothers grinned at them, The pride obvious behind their eyes. But the family moment was interrupted by. The last two members of the party, that Sensible members of their expedition, Hermione Granger and John Watson Arriving via elevator, The contraption stopping with a resounding ding , Before allowing the two occupants to depart. Hermione and John Watson simultaneously rolled their eyes as they joined the Holmes men. The almost audible exasperated sigh of “ Holmes Boys” Passed between the two As they pulled out the maps. Which were really just large scale printouts of the Icelandic caverns John Watson had found on the Internet. The caverns were a tourist attraction After all, Everyone knew about them . Even If the Holmes brothers Didn’t want to admit it. Unnecessary covert maneuvers Allowed for family bonding if you listened to Mycroft, Even if it was illogical, No Holmes present Would ever admit to being anything but rational. Unless it was Dudley coming out of a cookie induced Coma, Dudley would Admit to anything in that state even being a linebacker for Detroit. A place he couldn’t even find On a map without Harry’s Oh so subtle help.

John and Hermione Reviewed the plan with everyone once again. They were there on a retrieval mission not a Night out at a fun fair. No explosion, Sherlock. No wet willies , Sherlock. And no turning the enemy into Dobermans , Harry Surprisingly. 

Once the Holmes collective Acquiesced to the plan. The group Sprang into action, Harry , Hermione , and Dudley removing the Dung bomb and Fidget spinners from their bags and went down the tunnel marked with Plaques featuring the energizer bunny. As the children disappeared into the Darkness of the tunnel. The adults begin to prepare, as John begin to assemble a rifle , he muttered to his Brother-in-law, “ Normal people go on picnics or to the movies with their children. We might be seating a bad example. Hermione isn’t even Technically your kid . Did Helen Okay this?”

Mycroft Sent John the same Holmes look of mild contempt He has been receiving since he met Sherlock. Before Mycroft Deigned to answer him In a voice That dripped with condescension And a hint of sarcasm, “ Of Course Dr. Watson, Helen and John Even signed a waiver.” Mycroft opened his mouth to continue His sarcastic response but Sherlock cut off With a rather pointed jab from the Blunt end Of their grandfather’s antique harpoon. A nice physical reminder , that Sherlock didn’t tolerate anyone tapping his goldfish’s glass anymore then Mycroft did. So instead of irritating his brother-in-law a bit more Mycroft Asked how John liked the new night vision scope set up. An Experimental birthday girl from Mycroft and Petunia last month. John gave a slight grin before Saying It would get the job done. Making Sherlock Laugh under his breath. And Mycroft roll his eyes, Before setting off down the main tunnel with his partner his trusty umbrella Snickerdoodle tucked under one arm. John chuckled Before looking at Sherlock. His brilliant husband nodded and they made there way to edge of the cliff That was in the cavern They currently inhabited. With John finding the optimal Position to observe the trade off . Sherlock tested the wind and examined the icy ceiling overhead Before deciding on a particularly Rocky outcrop In the canopy of the icy Cavern. The Consulting detective swung The harpoon up and fired. The antique whaling device Embedded itself beautifully into the icy rock Above them ,Taking high tensile strength rope attached to it Along with it. Sherlock grinned wicked at his Husband Before he seized the rope And jumped off the edge of the cliff. 

Using his momentum to swing himself Onto a Rocky outcrop 10 feet below his previous position. Sherlock signaled to John he was safely in position and John flashed the light on the top of his sniper scope Twice to let the children know to start setting up their device, And that from here on out everyone was to go radio silent. John received A quick flash of a green light as an affirmative. With that the Holmes collective fell silent.

John watched through his scope as Mycroft Entered the main cabin below, Casually swinging his umbrella in a circular motion. John could almost hear snickerdoodle’s enthusiastic barks That bloody dog loved being swung through there no matter his current form. John chuckled a bit As he followed Mycroft with the site the retire Soldier contemplated the oddness of the situation. His brother in law the British government trusted him enough to point a gun at him with no barrier of protection between them. Mycroft trusted John enough To antagonize him moments before he would be pointing a loaded weapon at him for a prolonged period, with Mycroft’s children hidden 20 feet behind his position. Mycroft Holmes was a man that trusted no one but family. To be counted among his trusted kin was almost a Terrifying a prospect as marrying Sherlock. John Nearly gave away his position by his suppressed chuckles, the Holmes brothers trusted him , the damn crazy fools. If you had told John two decades ago he would be married to a madman and the favorite Supervising Uncle of The Iceman’s brood John would have shot you for Spouting such absurdity. But here he was playing look out while Mycroft Holmes Negotiated a prisoner transfer with space aliens that looked like Giant Bunnies ( Except you know they were green, And had elephant like tusks) , The intergalactic visitors spoke remarkably good English for having such extreme dental Features. John didn’t even Want to ask how English became The default language for trade and commerce in this section of the Milky Way. He had a sinking Suspicion Mycroft had something to do with it. Despite being married to the man brother, John was still remarkably happy Some of the weirder aspects of the Holmes Patriarch’s activities were still considered above his pay grade. John could only deal with some many oddities outside of Sherlock’s Eccentricities before he need a cup of tea and three shot of whiskey.

The green Space bunnies Begin to shout, It appeared they didn’t like Mycroft telling them They wouldn’t be getting custody of the landmass known as Australia In exchange for the prisoner. As one of the large beings Took a step towards Mycroft The children Released their dung bombs,And flying fidget spinners ( That actually flew and produced strobe lights Thanks to some magical modifications) . The cacophony the children’s division caused With enough for John to get two shots off( His bullets packed with rock salt, The only substance on earth that could do any damage to these Strange human traffickers) , Mycroft with him Opponents distracted seized their prisoner, The man they were here to collect , Knocking the boat over the edge propelling them both to plummet into the abyss . Shout of fury could be heard as the Space Bunnies screeched in Fury In a strange language and broken English, As they saw Mycroft and their prisoner Plummets over the cliffs edge. A blinding light soon followed from the children’s position, Clearly Harry had hit his panic button/ Portkey That would take the children safely back To the rendezvous location. John fired another two warning shots before the Giant Green Space Bunnies with Tusks scattered back into their transport, while the Holmes brothers Along with the prisoner hoisted themselves back up to John’s position, John silently signaled to them To go ahead without him. Mycroft and Sherlock Were out of breath , and silently Mocking each other For their climbing Performance as only brothers can, the Holmes brothers Missed the old soldier’s signal. Making John bark at them, “ To get a Move on.”

The unexpected reprimand from The former military surgeon Brought Mycroft and Sherlock Back into the moment. John went back to Watching their six, Well Sherlock grumbling reeled in his harpoon after pulling it loose from the ceiling. Mycroft Falling back into his training from MI6 Assumed his normally blank face mask And yanked the prisoner to his feet. The brothers make quick work of Their Respective responsibilities, And started dragging the new addition to their party with them down the passage back towards their exit. While John remained behind Guarding their rear. Before hitting his own emergency Portkey, When he confirmed the all clear. Sherlock and Mycroft Dragged the prisoner back To their climbing gear before knocking the man out with the Harpoon. And strapping him into a harness so they could pull him back out behind them. Begrudgingly Sherlock and Mycroft Began to climb With Mycroft Huffing and puffing halfway up the icy Edifice, Prompting Sherlock to mock his brother’s Physique yet again. Mycroft just scowledand said, “ You wouldn’t be Mentioning that if Petunia was here.” Making Sherlock laugh, And respond with a sarcastic drawl,” How fortunate for me then , mother mine, That your wife is currently occupied With your latest additions. What does that make now 25? You really are doing your duty to preserve the Holmes line. Such dedication to England Mycroft. One would never suspect such utter devotion to the future of the nation. Did all you have to do was Lay back or was it a more complicated operation?”

Mycroft huffed again still a bit out of breathe and glared at his Menace of a younger brother. His only respond a grunted , “ Oh Shut Up Sherlock!”

The only answer with his younger brother’s maniacal laughter.

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The family outgoing came to a close, With Mycroft Handing off the political prisoner back to the French. With his boys looking on, and Hermione taking Furious notes, while Sherlock Maniacally with an ice pack over The right side of his face. And John Watson shook his head Despairingly. He could never take those two anywhere and leave them unsupervised. Someone always ended up bleeding Or being sold into slavery. Usually not voluntarily. That time in Sri Lanka still didn’t count if you listen to Mycroft. 

The French Intelligence operations thanked Mycroft profusely and handed him a flash drive , in exchange for the hooded prisoner. Who kept muttering about the philosopher’s stone, Demanding to see his wife Perenelle. The French did not remove the hood from the man’s head but they did quietly assure him she was waiting for him. John didn’t ask What the French government wanted with an old man who was clearly mad, After being abducted by aliens, And was worried about a mythical stone that produced immortality. Somethings he just didn’t need to know, he Quietly laughed to himself, As he handed Sherlock another ice pack and began to eat his ham sandwich. It has been a long night and he was bloody starving.

Mycroft Tucked the flash drive into his breast pocket And turned towards the children. Asking if they wanted Korean barbecue or Chinese. The Holmes clan Left the abandoned Brick making plant With one goal in mind. Finding a decent restaurant that was open after 10. Intergalactic prisoner exchanges Certainly made one rather peckish. And Harry was demanding ice cream, In addition To a well-deserved family meal. Mycroft was more than happy to oblige, Even if they were in Cornwall. With all of its pantomime horse costumes


	47. Chapter 47

Mycroft Spun the flash drive in his hands As he contemplated his plans. This information changed the political landscape astronomically, his chess pieces Would need to moved quickly, To prevent Dumbledore From damaging magical Britain irreversibly. The old man was mad enough To hang the prospect of eternal life before a fragment of the Most evil man magical Britain had produced in generations. Mycroft couldn’t decide if Albus’ Actions were a stroke of genius or If the old Wizard was finally off his rocker. 

Whichever the case, The indisputable fact was, Dumbledore’s plan put Mycroft’s Children directly in the line of fire. And that could not stand. Mycroft would have to move up his plans . Quickly. Ask the children we’re leaving on the train in the morning. Mycroft needed to act without Alerting Dumbledore to his plans. Mycroft cast his eyes towards The umbrella stand/dog bed By the fire were snickerdoodle dozed Contently Surrounded by a squadron of gnomes all Lounging comfortably in the Newfoundland’s fur. The Holmes patriarch grinned Wickedly.That would do quite nicely. He could think of no better guard to watch over his children while they slept. 

Snickerdoodle was going to Hogwarts. Hopefully he would bite Dumbledore in the ass.

Mycroft Hit the buzzer under his desk To summon one of his staff, They needed a meeting with the owl Parliament. Tonight. Mycroft Grimaced slightly, Petunia and Helen were going to have his head but they were going to need the children for the meeting, Hermione and the boys spoke with the authority of the British Gnome Super Colony at their back. These kind of negotiations had become Their specialty.


	48. Chapter 48

Hermione, Harry, and Dudley In a clearing in Hyde Park just off the central line, Accompanied by an Unapologetic Mycroft Holmes, And an irritated and coffee deprived Helen Granger. Hermione’s mother was still Sleepily muttering Promises of gruesome murder in disembowelment as she drank her first cup of joe at 3:30 in the morning of September the 1st . Helen was glared Honestly at Mycroft over her Travel thermos of coffee. If the Holmes patriarch Hadn’t insisted This meeting was vital to the children’s safety at Hogwarts come the start of term, Helen would have let John ( Granger) bludgeon the irritating Holmes to death with My favorite pink bunny slippers. But Mycroft was the mastermind behind Security protocols that kept them all( relatively) safe and yeti free. And since it was Helen’s turn to Supervise the Holmes Shenanigans. She put on a pair of Relatively warm travel pajamas and Demanded coffee from the Holmes Patriarch Now known as Insomnius Causeski or Sleepius Interruptus if you asked John Watson. 

Helen’s continuous threats of bodily harm Seemed to not phase the Elder Holmes in the slightest. As they wake the children, With Hermione demanding five more minutes or she would set them on fire. And with that second data points Proving the Holmes hypothesis the Granger women were Homicidal when woken Preemptively, If not bribed immediately With a gallon of good coffee, or In Hermione’s case A stack of chocolate chip waffles. Mycroft was forever grateful His sons were much easier, they just sleepily Called you an asshole in Hungarian, Before rising to help with whatever Situation you interrupted their REM cycle for, they would set you on fire after The emergency was handled not before. Fortunately there is a fountain In the garden For just this reason. And magic Relatively most burns relatively easily. Mycroft Quietly chuckling to himself while the children planned, This negotiation was where they ran the show ,The cute fuzzy creatures That inhabited magical Great Britain Had a surprisingly Intricate political system. In this democratic forum, The children were the political juggernauts and Mycroft was the silent observer, One word from him and the owl parliament would happily peck him into silence.

Harry and Dudley’s owls Hedwig and Shadow Were also present. Hedwig was apparently, The owl MP For London Covering everything from Mayfair to Baker Street. Shadow was functioning as their legal adviser, Apparently his son’s owl Had gotten an Oxford Law Degree at some point in the law two year since he had hatched. Mycroft Made a mental note to inquire about keeping shadow on permit legal retainer after this was over. Though he shuddered to think how much bacon that would require. 

Mycroft brought himself out of his musings As the children got into a huddle to plan. The Fascinated Iceman Listened intently, And this was the first interspecies negotiation he had Ever been party to where he was not the primary negotiating. In this case it was his sons and there Brilliant friend. 

Hermione was Suggesting as trade Rather than flat out bribery. A year of Hyde park not spraying Insecticides allowing a small explosion in population of the vermin in the area, Allowing the owl To have a larger food supply, All be it temporarily. Dudley proposed they simply give them all the bacon they could ask for, While Harry suggested, They just say please with big sad soulful puppy eyes, Hermione looked at him as if he were an idiot before realizing, Harry was still mostly asleep, the granger Then in repetitively Reached over and pinched her friend on the cheek. Making the boy yelp in pain and rub the area Effectively pulling him out of his sleep induced brain fog. Hermione muttered a “Sorry Harry but we need you thinking not asleep on your feet.”

The eldest Holmes brother just glared at her and rubbed his check before Suggesting the trade the Owl Parliament The first round draft pick for the magical ceature World Cup that year, since the Gnomes had no real interest in Competing, plus a truck load of bacon That would be Conveniently overturned On the A21 The next morning, Allowing them to eat their fill, And share it with the rest of the English Owl population, Without the Muggles asking too many questions. Hermione looked thoughtful while Dudley just laughed. Hermione said,” That might just work.”  
Hermione’s eyes shifted From Harry to Mycroft. “Could you pull that off on such short notice Uncle Mycroft?” The Holmes Patriarch Chuckled And he could manage . Not even bothering to Reprimand her For addressing him by his first name. Mycroft internally suppress a grin, the young Miss Granger really did Consider herself part of the family already, that made his later plans all the more Easy to Execute. The girl Would make a wonderful Prime Minister in a couple of years with a little bit more political experience . Mycroft mused, But then again he supposed isn’t that want the children were doing right now , Negotiating with a foreign government. Ever if is was owl a Parliament made up of owls.

As Hermione Nodded at the boys and declared they were ready. The Owl Parliament Was brought into session, Hedwig took her place Among her fellow Representatives, Which one speaking for the owl population Of their respective sector. A great horned owl hooted To bring the body to order. Calling on Hedwig to explain the need for an emergency session, the Snow Owl , hooted and Squawked Explaining her Chick’s Predicament. Every owl in the Parliament ruffled their feathers as the idea of a magical chick under One of their own’s Protection being under threat.

The great horned owl Called the body back to order bringing an end To the cacophony and outraged hoots. The great horned owl own demanded of Hedwig , “ Why was it their problem  
? Shouldn’t a human chick’s human guardians handle A predatory threat, Rather than them.”

Hedwig hooted in Further explanation. That she had called the meeting as her chick’s Fully grown parents wanted To request a trade for the aid of the owl Parliament. The Gnome Overlord Hermione Granger wished to trade with the owl parliament, In order to facilitate easy transport of her elite Gnome Commando Legions from London to the Grounds of Hogwarts Undetected by the Headmaster Albus Dumbledore. 

This Proclamation was met with hoots of shock and Inquiry but the Background noise died down and the Great horned owl had this Inquiry, “ What are they willing to offer for such an Immense undertaking.”

Hermione with Hedwig as her translator, Begin the negotiation. With two hours of questions and Outraged hoots. Watched in fascination by Mycroft Holmes. Hermione Granger and the Owl Parliament Finally reached an agreement, That was more Holmes Had initially offered, But was within the Realm of reasonable request, For such a massive transport of Gnomes. The owls would get To trucks full of bacon ( pig not turkey) already cooked , Knocked over on A21 on September the Second, the owl would fly the Gnome Commandos into the Hogwarts ground Where the commandos with parachute down. No Owls would land So the Hogwarts wards would never be triggered, as Albus Dumbledore did not ward against the movements of Common Garden Gnomes as most of the wizarding world Still believe them to be a lower intelligence nonthreatening Species of magical creature. The Holmes were just taking advantage of the Underestimation.

The owls signed the contract with Feathers and a sharp nip of Mycroft’s nose. The deal was struck and the Session called to a close.

The Holmes collection members , slowly Made their way back home, Hopeful for a few more hours sleep before they began the long journey to Hogwarts. Helen not so Discreetly slapped Mycroft in the back of the head as she headed to bed growling that he had better not Disturb them again Before 9 am. 

Mycroft Muttered his agreement to Helen’s slammed door before going to rejoin him wife in bed. Looking forward to a few more hours of rest before his real work again. Just a few more hours before he had to Truly come to terms with the fact that the was sending his sons to Hogwarts. That for the first time in years his children would not be Safely sleeping under the family wards , but instead 300 hundred Miles north Without their parents to shelter them. 

Mycroft slept a bit easier knowing his boys were brilliant young men with Miss Granger to watch their back. Well Hermione and 1000 of her favorite security detail. If Snickerdoodle didn’t eat them first.


	49. Chapter 49

Sigmund Holmes was a man known by the global intelligence Community not as operative or International man of mystery. No he was a different kind of legend. Sigmund was a relatively ordinary man, a gifted retired RAF pilot and noted Archaeologists certainly but he was not a man that could alter The Global political landscape on a whim ( unlike his wife and eldest son) . Sigmund Holmes was a legend For what he had done, Despite that. Quite Frankly Sigmund was a legend for being a happily married man at the ripe old age of 61. He was the notoriously understanding husband of the Formidable Violet Holmes. But Sigmund Himself was not a pushover, a decorated veteran , A recipient of the Victoria Cross( for reason no one would Discuss how Sigmund met his wife was still Technically Classified. Even if the story had been recounted In every nunnery from Düsseldorf to Lichtenstein , As far as her Majesty’s government (Mycroft) Was concerned the matter was still classified). Sigmund was a man John Watson Would have no trouble identifying with, More often than not the two men were of the same mind. But Sigmund’s adventurous days Of his youthful military exploits were well behind him , or so he thought. For once again his grandchildren had proved were his assumptions false. As Sigmund stood On the portico of the Holmes Manor Gardens Commanding another military style operation.

The Eldest Holmes male was waving in owl after owl For landing Among the flower beds and supervising The loading of supplies and Gnome commandos on to them . With the right enchantment, Each Owl transport Could carry a squadron of 10 Along with their supplies. Sigmund had found strapping parachutes to 1000 tiny men in Fatigues A surreal experience. The Grandfather of the Ever-growing Holmes Hoard Had demonstrated the proper technique For applying war paint With the assistance of his grandson Sherrinford. 

All this was done while Miss Granger Translated for him, With her own occasional addition of information. Sigmund I listened in wrapped fascination as Hermione regaled him with the intricacies of the Gnome Super Colonies Political systems. Sigmund could help but beam with pride at the girl who He had come to think of as a granddaughter ( if Violet had her way she would be in a decade or two.) All of their Grandchildren were just brilliant, Even if they did periodically set the sky on fire (They had only had to close down Heathrow four times in the last year because of it, So the children were making progress!) Sigmund shook himself out of his grandfatherly musing as an another owl based Gnome combat transport took to the skies. The large Barn owl hooting in irritation as one of the Gnomes climbed on to his head And pulled out a set of binoculars to keep watch, while the Gnome rear gunners Took up their positions. Their actions reminding Sigmund fondly of his own military service during a number of NATO Peacekeeping missions. Sigmund smiled as he watched his Grandsons, Harry and Dudley Measuring wind speed and the Owl’s take off velocity with a radar speed gun. Harry Scribbling down the data furiously, Before the next owl took off. Sigmund chuckles , his grandsons were certainly committed to science, or at least committing to winning the bet they made with Kingston and Darius. But what was a little brotherly competition before the children Left to further their education. In 37 minutes

Sigmund Looked at his pocket watch , make that 35 minutes. Sigmund smiled Content to spend as much time with his grandchildren as possible before the necessity of their departure was in Turmoil. The Elder Holmes grinned wickedly as he heard their mother snapping at the staff for try to pack some of the good China into their school trucks. The butler Fitzgibbons and the rest of the staff were certainly not taking The impending departure of the young members of the family any better. As their elders it was their duty to see to it the children had everything they could possibly need Before departing on this brand new adventure. Sigmund’s Grandfatherly contribution just so happened to be, Supervising a military style transport operation, and making sure the children had enough pranking supplies to last until Christmas. Sigmund smiled and turned back to watch over his brilliant grandchildren, safe in the knowledge They were about to have the time of their lives.

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Petunia looked quite frazzled as she Supervised the staff. The children might have Bottomless trunks with additional compartments for a private library and a small armory( Nothing extraordinarily lethal, just a nice Assortment of useful blades and cursed objects assembled by their doting Aunt Anthea and Uncle Sirius), Mr. Fitzgibbons kept trying to slip antique pottery a full tea service into each of the Children’s trucks. Much to petunias exasperation, The old Butler was a wonderful man and a god send as a head of staff but He was behaving as if they were going off to Mars not the Highlands of Scotland. Not that the thought of her babies and honorary baby( Hermione lived with them family for goodness safe of course she counted as a member of the Hoard Even if she did have her own parents) going off to Hogwarts with nothing to protect them but each other and a Security detail of Gnomes sat any better with her then it did with Mr. Fitzgibbons the Butler or Mycroft who had been double checking every ward and security measure they had for the children with Anthea and Sherlock while John Watson Corralled Snickerdoodle, the Excitable umbrella dog had been Wreaking havoc chasing the gnomes and Owls all morning . The family pet only stopped when Hedwig had hooted at him Imperiously before Perching on the Newfoundland‘s back, much to John’s Amusement and Petunia’s relief. 

With snickerdoodle subdued temporarily, John went back to teaching the Gnome how to pack Parachute and properly use them. Sherlock was Fending off his usual boredom At such mundane family activities , by taking the Gnome John has just instructed On to the roof and tossing them off one bucket full after another. But to the delight of the youngest Holmes children as they watch from below as the gnomes Deployed there Parachutes . Unbeknownst to petunia, the children were actually laughing at the Rather impressive swear words and catch phases Painted on the inside of said Parachutes. The Phrasing and syntax of the entertaining parachutes was suspiciously reminiscent of their Uncle Sherlock’s favorite insults for Anderson. 

Petunia Blissfully ignorant of her young children’s ever Expanding vocabulary, Calmly Remove yet another silver candelabra from Dudley school trunk before asking Remus to seal it shut. Remus Obligingly did so, but not before slipping a bag of Disillusioned dung bombs and fizzing whizzbangs into to the trunk. He was a Marauder after all ,the younger generation Needed encouragement to keep up the family traditions. As he sealed the three trunks from any Further tampering, he Discreetly gave Sirius and James a thumbs up. As the other two Marauders conferred with Mycroft. 

The Chaotic mass now as the Holmes clan came to a stop as The grandfather clock in the Foyer sounded 10 o’clock. The adults All looked at each other and nodded, The hour of reckoning was upon them, There could be no further delay, it was time for the family to depart the safety of the Holmes London estate and see the children off. 

The packing was done, The security organized, and the owl parliament Sufficiently paid off, the children all 28 of them From various genetic lines ( Black , Potter, Holmes, Granger and Evans) were Corralled by their parents and Beloved aunts and Uncle to be loaded into the Armored cars that would take them to the train station. Mycroft and John Granger insisted on driving Their respective vehicles, no father would trust anyone else ( except the child’s mother) with such a task on this Momentous day. A motorcade of hitwizards, MI6 Agents and Holmes family members Drove out of the Manor at 10:25 . 

Mycroft Holmes checked his watch , Polyjuice potion should deactivate just in time , Making for the perfect distraction. Mycroft smiled at his children before nodding to Anthea, With a rapid series of snaps and pops the Holmes collective Disappeared trunks and all From the Manor garden , reappearing promptly a moment later In a discreet waiting room at KingsCross station. With not a reporter or security risk in sight( Those mosquito nets Helen and petunia designed worked wonders on keeping Unwanted pests like moths or Rita Skeeter in line) Much to Mycroft’s and Sirius’ delight. 

As the Station master clock chimed 10: 35.

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In another time and place a young boy with black hair , Broken glasses and second hand trainers met a chaotic clan of Gingers running late , that saw him safely onto Platform 9 3/4 . In that same time and place a much older man sat silently in the drawing room of a drafty old manor house that had seen better days, the lonely quiet interior mirrored The man’s attitude, for the lonely master of this house had never met the young widow from Surrey with two brilliant little boys. 

But this was not in that time or of that place for the Weasleys For the first time in cosmic history were actually on time, due to Mycroft Holmes sending a car round for them at 7:45. A much more relaxed Molly Weasley with her Boisterous family met the Holmes Clan at the Brick wall between platforms 9 and 10. This Harry Potter was Surrounded by loving extended family, With a cousin that was legally his brother, and a father that would burn the wizarding world to the ground ( with the help of his own brother) to protect them and a bag of his mother’s famous Chocolate chip cookies burning a hole in his pocket. 

This young man didn’t Need the Weasley matriarch To explain to him how to get onto the platform. For he had already been there The previous year with his uncle and brother To say goodbye to Charlie as he departed on his last year. No in this time and place Harry Potter was Harry Holmes the beloved Eldest son of The British government, and Mycroft Holmes was an emotional healthy human, He was a loving husband and proud father. He was also According to the Intergalactic Intelligence community, a million times more terrifying Then any other version of himself.( A charming man called the Doctor had taken a poll just that week, The results were available for anyone to Peruse just take a step into any blue police box in Hyde Park on 24th of August Between 9 and 10, But you had best not expect to step out in the same year you went in. )

No this Mycroft Holmes wasn’t lonely or cold, Despite his title of Iceman. He was the Formidable Patriarch of the Family Holmes. He also carried a pen Topped with a Cabbage Patch kid, His youngest daughter had given him that weekend. This Mycroft Holmes was a man of Contradictions, But no matter the universe, the time , or the date, The indisputable fact was Mycroft Holmes’ existence was the same. The man despised tuna fish. With a Helpful bite on the ass from Snickerdoodle( such a good dog) The cosmos was Brought out of its collective Terrifying musings about the Holmes situation, And back to the present. The very Important weekly situation. 

The Weasleys greeted the Holmes clan as the had everytime they had seen tensince Ron was 7. With laughter and hugs, Firm handshakes and pats on the back, As always John Watson and Arthur A particularly enthusiastic man hug, allow John to slip a rubber duck into Arthur’s coat pocket Without Molly’s knowledge. The Weasley Patriarch as always grinning and tapping his won against the Whiskey Flask in John backpocket Magically renewing the Bottomless decanter Charm, Effectively keeping the family bet going( Sherlock had been trying to deduce John’s magical whiskey Supplier For the last four years now. A betting pool has sprung up soon after. Arthur and John shared a few laughs at out witting the Holmes Seemingly infinite powers of observation, while the family betting pool over the Source grew ever larger. As the number stood the pool Should most likely be invested, It was starting to resemble a number reminiscent of the GDP of Ireland. But John and Arthur didn’t Particularly care, both receive far more Amusement from evade the eye of there spouses then any Monetary incentive could prove them. Though the fact Arthur’s salary have Mysteriously quadrupled a few years back didn’t hurt the situation Either. Violet Holmes Well aware of the exchange, as she had started the betting pool , Suppressed a laugh before greeting Molly With a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the back. The children mingle excitedly together chatting and Laughing about The previous week’s tournament.  
As the Responsible adult chatted, the Routers in Sherlock spring into action, Discreetly passing the pranksters among the Weasley clan Their own bags Of essentials ( Pranking materials Were passed To every Weasley boy, Even Percy Though his bag was more customized, as he was head boy, It wouldn’t do to give the man with the highest authority generic materials to work with as Percy had an epic prank in mind). Violet and Sigmund Exchange once As they observed the clandestine maneuver, Both the Holmes grandparents Rolled their eyes As if to silently Give an. Exasperated sigh of “ Boys”. While the Grangers took a ridiculous number of pictures, and Mycroft reminded Harry and Dudley they could come home at any time, their emergency Portkeys would work inside Hogwarts. 

Harry and Dudley did what only brother can when confronted with a loving and concerned father they laughed and said, “ Okay Dad” before Running full speed into the void That would transport them onto Hogwarts.

Mycroft just sighed And looked at his brother. Sherlock just smiled at him before bolting dyer the boys, with Mycroft Following sedately after, Smiling to himself . Hoping his sons caused as much chaos in the magical world as they liked.

Mycroft Walked through the portal as the station grandfather clock chimed 10:47. The rest of the Holmes Clan Followed after him, Each discreetly carrying some combination of wand, knife and a Concealed melee weapon. Sherlock had had Remus charm their grandfather’s harpoon to look like a Dalmatian Pin while Sigmund and Mycroft each Carried their personal favorite, a Garrote Simple, subtle,effective And something that needed no magical intervention. 

Everyone else had their rather obvious favorite weapon, a gun , a knife , a wand, John Granger I borrowed a fire fighting axe From his daughter’s gnomes, while Violet and Petunia both wielded the universal symbol of British motherhood and their membership in the WI, Violet and petunia both carried in addition to a few generic weapons , Their favorite goblin forged steel rolling pins Christmas presents From Mycroft After that rather irritating incident with the ninjas.

The Holmes and Weasley clans made their way on to the Hogwarts Express Platform armed and extremely dangerous. Until they heard Harry sneeze, Then they proceeded to take down A rather confused Extremely large Squid, That would be shrunken down and later released into the Black Lake By the children.

Harry and Dudley Were Quite adamant as both boys declared it was about time Sheila The giant squid, had a girlfriend. 

How the marauders knew, The sexual orientation of a giant cephalopod was part of A much longer story. One that explained how James finally convince Lily to go out with him. It was a tale fit for a different occasion, One with popcorn And dramatic music. Plenty of commentary from Sirius . Not the platform for the Hogwarts express, while Molly Weasley attempted to help Narcissa Malfoy clean squid ink off of her favorite dress, and Draco Malfoy pledged a life debt to John Watson.


	50. Chapter 50

The students of Hogwarts and their family Mingled excited on a platform after witnessing, The rather remarkable actions of the Holmes family , Watching an irate Petunia and Violet Holmes fend off a confused Giant Squid with rolling pins while Mycroft held open its beak so it couldn’t Swallow snickerdoodle the family pet , Was a sight to see. Such bravery the Crowd had Gasped and clapped as the Holmes Handled the beast, Not a single wizard or witch Lending a wand to Enter the fray. Sirius and Anthea, the Lord and Lady Black, Several onlookers whispered,” Oh did you see ! They much be friendly with the Holmes family! Look there is the Ghost of James Potter and there is Arthur Weasley! Aren’t they high flyers now. How Scandalous, Has anyone seen the Malfoys yet I want to see their reactions.” Sirius and Anthea Manage to shrink the ridiculously large cephalopod down to Manageable size, Sealing it inside A lunch box filled with conjured Sea water, At the insistence of Harry and Dudley Holmes. Such a wonderful boys! The crowd Murmured! So considerate of others! When the lads Suggested their plan to Provide the giant squid with a companion.

With the rather confused Cephalopod handled and no imminent danger detected the Wizards is in the crowd, Miraculously and conveniently remembered They had magic. The adults began to Vanish various traces of squid ink, Unfortunately the ink that landed on clothing seemed Particularly persistent. If the outraged shriek from Narcissa Malfoy Gave any indication, Molly Weasley’s halfhearted offer of tissues Seemed to offer no help in the matter.

With the danger gotten the children went back to doing what they do best, Being amazed by things they don’t understand. Boisterous laughter and Thunderous chatter filled the Platform Once again. As not a single child Stood alone, There were no apprehensive smiles or nervous glances Directed at their parents from the Muggle born students, The Holmes Quidditch tournament Had seem to that. Every First year on the platform have at least a few acquaintances in the crowd. Not even the most ardent of Pureblood could pick out the new comers to their world, And that was simply because there were none. The children Had been introduced weeks before to magical cultures and customs. A crash course in Sorcery à la Holmes if you will. The children were not fearful of their new surroundings, Because they now know what to expect, and their parents Were friendly with each other Already under the careful guidance of the Holmes family. As the clock on the platform chimed 10:55 . Rapid farewells were giving by all still standing by , the Holmes Family laughing and So what still flying high on adrenaline, Exchange their final Farewells . With Mycroft and Petunia Fiercely hugging the boys , Before James and Lily following suit Along with the rest of the family. Sirius , Remus , Sherlock and John Made quick work of stowing the trunks on the train Before jumping off. With John dragging Sherlock Off muttering quietly,” No Sherlock you can’t go with them, No matter how many experiments you want to run it!”

As Dudley , Harry, Hermione and Ron Began to climb onto the train, They caught sight Of one last straggler rushing towards the platform, With A Joyous cry Dudley bellowed , “ Neville! Mate! About time you got here!” Dudley Bolted towards the Longbottom heir And threw his arms around him, embraced his friend. Neville Still surprised to have such an Exuberant friend , Mumbled a “ Goodbye Gran!” As Dudley Began to drag him back towards the groups . Harry and the other Finally getting with the program and yelling , “ Hey Neville! Come on We need to find a compartment before the train leaves! “ or in Ron’s case,” Move you Arse Longbottom! You’re sitting with us Mate!”

Such shout were met with laughter from the Holmes clan and shock from the Weasley matriarch. Before Violet Holmes cut Molly off Preemptively from her angry tirade. By calling out to Augusta Longbottom, the two Grandmothers having formed a Acquaintanceship at the tournament.

As the adult stood together waving goodbye as the train Pulled out at of the station. The children Holmes , Weasley, Potter, Granger, and the rest half blood, Muggle born or pure blood, No matter their background moved onto the Hogwarts express confidence in their steps. As unlike in previous years every first year knew exactly where they wanted to sit, Each child had friendships already starting to form before the express left the station. As for the Council of doom they did what any Group of scheming 11-year-olds do, They sat in the back of the train in a private compartment surrounded by as many friends as they could find. Hermione was Bouncing up and down excitedly in her seat between Neville and Harry, While Dudley and Ron pulled out their set of wizard’s chess intent on starting a new game Before they had even really settled into the express. In the compartment To their right Draco Malfoy Sat not with Parkinson and Goyle but with Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones . The children mixed much more freely among the compartments As the journey wore on , Harry and Dudley Bought half The snack Trolley when the lady came around to share among Most of the first years. The topic of conversation was of course dominated by Quidditch and the tournament on the Holmes Manor Grounds. Draco Malfoy had been one of the few from a Death Eater family To attend the event. The other purebloods Seemed at a loss when they attempted to join the group, Having missed out on the bonding experience. Many a young pureblood That grew with bias , Expecting to be able to tell the Muggleborn from the rest seem at a loss As they road the express. As such Friendships that were inconceivable before formed with relative ease, because all of the children had a common Background To build from. They all understood. The basics of Quidditch and had an appreciation for Zonko’s fireworks Thanks to Dean Thomas and Seamud Finnegan.

As the train ride Progressed, Music began to play from Dean’s Enchanted Muggle radio. Making More than one Muggle born laugh when they explain the science behind it. Harry , Dudley and Hermione Began to plan as Bee Gees staying alive, began to filter in From the next compartment. They had a part to play in the Holmes plan and a squid romance To orchestrate before the welcome feast. The council of Doom Grinned at their newest member, There was no better initiation then trial by fire.

Neville Smiled back a little nervously but secretly a bit excited as Harry and Dudley explain their plan while Hermione attempted to Detach the shrunken squid from Ron’s head, As the Weasley had got a little too close to the squid containment lunchbox.

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As the Hogwarts express cross the Scottish border, Hogwarts the castle itself seem to shudder. The ancient stone building Almost vibrating with excitement, As it in anticipation for the arrival of a very interesting group of first years. Hogwarts Did take pride in educating the best pranksters of every generation. 

Hogwarts couldn’t wait to see what they did with Albus current Machinations. Hopefully their would be fire and maybe some singing Crustacean. Hogwarts did enjoy a good Live action rendition of the little mermaid.


	51. Chapter 51

Violet Holmes was many things to many people ,If you asked her children she was an all knowing being that may or may not have facilitated the signing Of the Magna Carta( the Holmes family had a long standing tradition of gallivanting across the cosmos in their youth With a Peculiar doctor who loves to spin tall tales or at least that was the Story Violet was sticking to) , If you ask her friends she was brilliant, loyal, and devious, if you asked her husband Her darling Sigmund she was perfection with a nice dash of chaos To keep things interesting, And if you asked her life long rival and current monarch She was the greatest defender the realm had ever seen and A sore loser because No matter how many grandchildren her eldest son produced Violet had failed to achieve the title of great grandmother before her( This was often said in the throne room of Kensington Palace with every member of their Debutante class/former Ambulance corps Comrades in attendance. While Violet Passee around pictures of her newest grandchildren and Lizzie subtly tapped Her coronation running against her tea cup .Just loudly enough for Violet to hear and Subtly cough the word “ Devon” making Lizzie silently Swear. Before remarking how adorable Violet’s newest grandson/granddaughter was, while Margaret Failed horribly to suppress her laughter. Making Emily Offer everyone more tea to distract her. 

Yes Violet Holmes was many things but right now she was a proud grandmother Sending the first of her grandchildren to Hogwarts( She was just happy it wasn’t Uganda, The highlands were far enough, But thankfully still within the bounds of the Empire and more importantly Within the bounds of the family influence). Not that her grandchildren weren’t protected, When Mycroft had told her About the negotiations with the owl parliament Violet had been skeptical, Until she watched Sigmund Command aninvasion force on a scale that hadn’t been seen since the war. Violet had had flash back to 1944, Not all of them pleasant, Thank goodness her father hadn’t drowned that Pheasant. Her husband Sigmund wrapping his arm around her bringing her out of her musings and back to the present.

Mycroft and Petunia were crying ,In Public! That was the first for her baby, those boys really had changed him. Helen and John ( Granger they really needed a nickname for one of them) were holding back tears not For the sake of propriety but because they could sense at least one Holmes plotting. John was busy trying to distract Sherlock So he didn’t try to jump on the train( That boy always with his experiments Even if it was bad timing), James and Lily were beginning the float Hugging each other and balling ( Which was to be expected, They never thought they would see their little boy get on the train what with that minor Inconvenience of death getting in the way, Fortunately Lily’s sister had done the smart thing and married a Holmes making it much easier For them to manifest.), Sirius , Remus, and Anthea ever reliable were eye their surroundings and minding the remaining children . However Sirius Appeared to be smiling savagely at a blonde haired man who was Attempting to slip away into the crowd unnoticed and failing miserably. Violet chuckled , that must be Lucius Mycroft’s newest rube or perhaps as she eyed Sirius again Padfoot’s newest chew toy. 

Violet smiled wickedly before hugging her husband and calling out to her boys and girls( all 10 of them they might be adults and not biologically hers but those the few of them that hadn’t Married into the family yet would be Holmes either by adoption or by the actions of future generations if she had anything to say about it.) She calmly suggested they get some lunch , Her darling brilliant Sigmund understood her Almost undetectable message, and said to the children” Nandos?” . Making her grandchildren Rush towards the platform exit As the train disappeared from their sight. Violet tossed a dagger Justice the last child ran out of sight with the blade hitting its mark a moment later. A gentle thud was hear Barely 10 feet away as Professor MerryWeather, The current Hogwarts care of magical creatures professor dropped to the floor crunching her shoulder and a copy of The Magical zoology publication “ Nature”. The injured witch Growned Still holding out a pen, Muttering about wanting Dr. H. Granger the Gnome specialists Autograph. Violet glance at a confused Helen while while the two Johns and Sherlock began to laugh. 

Her Darling Sigmund’s rich Baritone broke through theAir hysteria with a simple request,” Anthea would you be a dear?” As he Gestured between the fallen professor and the Lady Black. 

Anthea ever efficient Pocketed her BlackBerry and got to work healing the situation. While Helen and the rest stood around Surveying the area for more unwanted guests Silently craving Nandos chicken.

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The giant squid release ended up being rather anti-climactic, The Counsel of Doom Found it rather easy to recruit a few co-conspirators, Justin was ever willing to Tribute to a Holmes Endeavor so long as he received aid later in return( like the last time they had Liberated the Crown Jewels in order to decorate a bust of Winston Churchill during One rather boring garden party. Great Aunt Lizzie had nearly caught them pulling that one if it hadn’t been for Dudley quick thinking , and no one ever seem to miss the crystal ash trays at the Palace Even when one turned into a cactus and Put the Princess Royale in the bum Creating a rather loud distraction.) Neville was rather nervous about his initiation, but Cheerfully agreed to take over Ron’s job. As the Weasley refused to go anywhere near the Temporarily shrunken squid That had taken a particular liking his head Leaving a rather noticeable bald spot That Hermione was still attempting to fix With little success. Harry has finally clapped his friend on the back Assuring him he look good even with early onset male pattern baldness. Making the twin crack up across the compartment, and Dudley elbow them to stop or he’d make them look just like him , turning them into the Weasley Triplets Down to the matching bald spot. Making Ron laugh For the first time since he was attacked by suction cups. 

With the Humor abating, the Counsel finalized their plan As the train came to a stop. Every child grinned they Had finally arrived at Hogwarts. Wanda were stashed, Squids were shoved Back into their lunch box based prison, and Dean Thomas Temporarily loaned Ron a hat, a beanie Proudly proclaiming,” West Ham United Victorious!” Along the brim. Ron was happy it was a hat and not Dudley’s idea Of trying to summon a toupee that woman the day.

The students Freshly changed into their robes and Supplies in hand Ventured out on unfamiliar land. The site before them was a normal one a small English Village with a giant bellowing before them. Harry and Dudley exchange to look Before stepping out onto the platform The brothers simultaneously exclaiming , “ Wicked!”

The rest of the first years including Hermione Just laughed and follow behind them. Hagrid’s was call for the first years to join him. So the twins and their friendly Jordan waved and walked away, Well aware of their role in the plan The next day. The Counsel of Doom Shuffled toward the Friendly giant. With Harry calling a greeting to get his attention. Hagrid’s answering grin at the sight of them Could’ve powered a city. Hagrid’s smiles at them and winked Conspiratorially before telling them to follow him. The Counsel of Doom May have Liberated Mycroft’s Biometrics using a stuffed animal and some magic To get access to the family dungeons and Smuggled down some tea and crumpets After they had met the friendly giant and confirmed he wasn’t a creepy Megalomania like the last one. They may or may not Have befriended him and Made him an honorary member of The council and Enlightened him on the Intricacies of the Gnome super colony , With formal introductions to the king of the gnomes and a few gifts of Broken pottery. The children had of course sworn Hagrid to secrecy, the first secret entrusted to him in his new role as a double agent. With this incident and oath Hagrid became the first triple agent To go undetected by Mycroft Holmes thanks to the Iceman’s own children. 

The half giant led the first year to a line of boats, called “ Four to a boat!” As he showed them how to board them . Harry Annoyed At least like disruption to their plan glanced at Hermione Before muttering,” You’re better at this kind of thing than I am. So I guess you’re up ‘Mione.”

Hermione roller her eyes at the nickname before concentrating Making the boat in front of her expand, Allowing for six To make it conducive to their plan. Hagrid noticing Her actions started to make his way over before stopping and looking at her handiwork and shrugging as if to say,” Well all right then.” And wandering off to go help the other students. The council of doom and it’s newest initiate Clambered into the boat. With Harry and Dudley helping Neville Climbing him to the rocking vessel Since his hands were full of giant squid. 

Once all the students had Set sail from the dock. Hermione and Justin Began to sing ,” Rock the boat” Each alternating lyrics Becoming progressively louder As other Muggle born and a few halfbloods Joined in the impromptu concert.  
Harry and Dudley Not singing but taking advantage of the distraction begin dumping rose petals Into the water. The petals making small ripples along the surface. The boys continue their activity until they finally got the results they wanted. The giant squid’s attention Harry begin to hiss Quietly to the cephalopod. As everyone knew, Snakes and cephalopods shared a mostly common language like speaking Spanish and Portuguese you understood about 60% of what the other was person is saying. Harry was able to convey the gist of their plan To the current Resident giant squid of the black lake. The Squid Hummed her excitement and Agreed to the blind date. Harry grinned And called to nibble to free the squid. Neville Longbottom with shaking hand open the lunchbox and attempted to shake the squid out. The shrunken cephalopod refused to budge Before Neville finally gave up and Whispered a , “ Sorry Ron!” Yanking the Weasley’s hat off. 

The shrunken squid Launched itself Out of Its lunchpail prison And towards the redhead’s hair. Ron thankfully with a few years of finally honed keeper reflexes Managed to duck. The shrunken squid Failing to hit it’s moving target Landed into the black lake where it made quite the splash. Nearly capsizing the council’s Current method of transportation. And causing Draco Malfoy to let out a high-pitched squeal as a wave of water Collided with his boat Soaking all the occupants.

As the shrunken squid hit the water the magic it was under began to fade Making it grow an exponential rate. The shrunken squid having been restored to its previous colossal size turned to seek vengeance on its former captors but As stopped By The Black Lake squid That Is normally referred to as Gladys in polite undersea circles. Gladys proceeded to wrap her self around the other squid and drag it kicking in screaming into the depths of her domain. After all it was a blind date, Capsizing vessels was more of a third date Activity. Past partners were usually discussed before one committed to that. 

As the children watched the squids depart Ron Weasley could be heard muttering,” why do they Look like my parents wrestling.” Making every other member of the council of doom including their newest initiate turn bright red. Harry glanced at Dudley who shook his head. Both brothers then turned to Hermione With matching looks of dread they said,” You want to take this one Hermione?”

The Granger girl then still blushing just told the confused redhead to ask Percy.

The head boy was more than happy to explain it to him, The older wizard even had laminated diagrams, That according to him, he got from Charlie. After a very awkward conversation with Bill And a unicorn named Eugénie Who owned a print shop in Diagon alley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then the gnomes began to dance!


	52. Chapter 52

With the Giant Squid dating service Well-established the journey across the lake continued quite peacefully . Draco and Susan boat Came rather close to the Holmes vessel At one point allowing Hermione and Harry to charm the other first year’s robes dry Receiving a muttered thank from the proud malfoy Before the . boat drifted to far away to allow for Conversation, the first year as a group Marveled at the Majestic Castle but it did not Invoke the same kind of awe It inspired in previous year groups. These first years had seen the Magnificent Holmes Estate just a few day Prior to formally entering their new illustrious institution. Hogwarts was a brilliant building but it wasn’t they first they laid eyes on. The Muggle born students reaction was much in line with their pure blood counterparts. Fascinated but not awestruck. The group Demeanor seemed to baffle even Professor McGonagall as the boats docked And the deputy headmistress Collected the first years from their Half Giant guardian. 

Minerva Seemed almost unsettled by the lack of nervous first years. This years group were smiling and Enthusiastic not a single. Anxious look among them. The children all seemed to know each other as well. Was that a Malfoy joking with a Bones? It seemed this group of young people broke the mold when it came to Boisterous 11-year-olds. As Minerva call them to order she caught two young boys Exchanging a glance that made her blood run cold. She had seen the Exchange before from the Elder brothers Holmes. Minerva shivered, She already knew those two would be trouble. As she cast her eyes toward them again she notice a girl right next to them, if the Rumors about the Holmes clan were true the girl was most likely the young Miss Granger , the Already published Gnome specialist. Minerva Pulled herself away from her long forgotten flashbacks of pranks orchestrated By a previous generation , as the dread of what This new bunch might manage as she remembered her duty to get this lot sorted. With the young Holmes boys she foresaw At least one hat stall. Those always Disrupted the schedule, Minerva lost in her musing about timetables and cold roast meats missed the tell tale click of a pixie being released. The young Mr. Weasley Slipped the mischievous fae into the suit of Armor next to the entryway. It would take hour for the pixie’s magic to have the desired effect. Unfortunately it wouldn’t be disrupting the sorting ceremony just yet. Much to the Cousel’s disappointment Their magnum opus Wouldn’t be ready until the next morning. Their first year Would have to begin the stereotypical way, which According to Professor McGonagall Involved a musty old hat , That spoke with a welsh accent. Justin Was the only disgruntled member of their band, as Even an 11-year-old the boy was Much too concerned about his hair. Especially considering he was an old friend of the Holmes.

Dudley and Hermione flanked Neville on both side to keep the Longbottom from bolting like a nervous colt as the door to the great hall began to open , The group of first years finally gasped in Unison at the site before them. The ceiling depicting a magnificently stormy night Flickered above them Astounding all at the sight, Before they made note of the Ominous “ Scritch scritch” Coming from the floor below them. The Weasley twins had played their part well. The cold stone Floor of the great Hall had Become an Iridescent mirror reflecting The shadows throughout the realm. The magic Doing a brilliant imitation of the Salar de Uyuni salt flats. With the ceiling portraying a magnificent storm and the floor shining With a welcoming horizon. The parallel surfaces In mirror opposition, Creating a glorious affect. To the point even Professor McGonagall Was hesitant to step on the majestic image in fear of spoiling the affect.

But one could only gaze in awe for so long before they looked Ridiculous. So the Deputy headmistress marched into the hall With the first years following behind her in a lockstep reminiscent of a squadron of Prussian Lancers on parade. Each 11-year-old miraculously Managing to keep a straight face. Minerva had to suppress a. Genuine laugh as she watched them March stoically into the Great Hall. The Whispers about Harry Potter coming to Hogwarts were barely audible as the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables began to hum The British Grenadiers with James Finnegan Seamus’ cousin Producing a fife from Merlin knows where and joining them. The humming of the fight song continuing for a few minutes After the students reached the end of the great Hall. The first years Waiting in parade rest until the fife Echoed it’s last call. Then As one the first years Turn and faced the upper years bellowing as one, “ We who are about to die Salute you!” Every first year from Ron Weasley to Crabbe and Goyle raises their wands in a classic dueling bow, Each young witch and Wizard Looking ready to battle a troll. Making the entire hall dissolve into Raucous laughter. Only then did the first years finally break character, To collapse into their own fit of giggles. 

The Weasley twins Between gasping breaths could be heard saying to Percy Above the Cacophony ,” We might have told Ron he had to wrestle a troll for the sorting ceremony.” With not an ounce of guilt between them. Making Percy Snort And say almost ruefully,” I’m going to have to give you both detention. You can help me with my part of the plan.” Percy added with and uncharacteristic Weasley grin . Making the twins sweat, unused to their older brother not being a spoil sport. Before smiling tentatively back at him. As McGonagall called the hall back to order and the sorting hat began his Traditional serenade of the year. Before adding almost cheerfully, “ I won’t have to preach about school unity to this lot here. It’s about bloody time a generation got their act together. You first years Don’t let this school divide you.” 

Albus Dumbledore could be seen visibly Paling at each word was spoke . The headmaster looked ready to Collapse as Minerva called the first student a Miss Hannah Abbot forward to be sorted. With a cry of “ Hufflepuff!” The Division of the first year legion began.

The new Hogwarts students Eagerly awaiting their placement , The council of doom clustered together near the front quietly dropping time release dung bombs while the schools collective attention was focused elsewhere. The Mastermind of the grand plan grinned wickedly at one another , as Susan bones with called to the hat stand. The red head Happily going to sit next to her friend with the other Badgers. 

The sorting continued As was expected until they hit the G’s, Hermione’s name was called with at bit of Hesitation as if Minerva Was anxious about The possibility of separating so the Holmes Cohort, From what she remembered about the older Holmes members the family was very “ Attached” . The Deputy headmistress had Sense of doom settle over her at the realization, the Holmes might not take to kindly to their Children being separated Even if it was just in separate wing of the building. Minerva began to sweat as the minute dragged on. Miss Granger Had just reached Mark Were she became a hat stall, Win the sorting hat bellowed,” Gryffindor!” . The cat Animangus’ heart sank She would be responsible for At least one member of the Scheming little band. She could already send the migraine forming In anticipation of the next seven years. Minerva had a feeling that wouldn’t be the last number of the Holmes clan to join her pride of Lions that evening. 

As she called the next name on the list, “ Dudley Holmes”

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The Holmes brothers Released one more dung bomb each before Harry pushed Dudley forward, Quietly whispering,” You got this!” As he made this way towards the Severe deputy headmistress. Dudley sat on the stool Closing his eyes until the hat touched his head. The only thing he heard Before the Enchanted headwear bellowed was, “ Aren’t you an interesting fellow.” The boy that in another life would have been christened “ Big D “ at some point Didn’t even get a chance to respond. Before he heard, “Gryffindor!” Dudley just bolted from his seat Towards the safety of Hermione and The vast majority of the Weasleys. Dudley glanced at his brother with a grin. Eyes asking ,” So I guess it’s Slytherin for you then?” This Brother Just shrugged before marching towards his destiny.

Dudley just smiled and asked Hermione to pass the pudding. He would need snacks for this. Harry was always a little dramatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sorting ceremony is not over!
> 
> Continue onto the next chapter!


	53. Chapter 53

Harry ascended the steps leading towards the sorting hat and the next step on his journey. With Confidence in his stride and determination on his mind. The Holmes scion was determined to fulfill his master plan. Every step Reinforced his intention demanding to dawn the green and silver of Salazar’s house. He paused for a moment before taking his seat To correct Professor McGonagalls’ Declaration of his legal name. With a clear voice drummed into him by his parents from a young age he stated. His full name with Harry James Potter Holmes , His last name was not hyphenated. Professor McGonagall simply smiled and nodded Not bothering to argue with someone about their own name. Despite Dumbledore’s insistence ,she produced a quill from her pocket And made a note of it on her scroll. Before gesturing for the Young Mr. Holmes to take a seat. Minerva silently prayed to Merlin, Morgana, Hecate of the old ways that at least one a Holmes brother became Someone else’s problem. She had a feeling if she got all three of them her life would never be the same. And Gryffindor tower might not be standing By the time of their graduation. Harry Holmes Smiled angelically at her before the Sentient hat with placed on his head. 

At the Gryffindor table, Percy Weasley The most neutral of all the gingers Started the stopwatch.   
There was money riding on this hat stall.

As Harry’s fight with the Enchanted headwear begin, so did the invasion of Hogwarts. All was part of a Holmes master plan, Just perhaps not Mycroft’s.Thousands of owls weighed down with strike teams and Equipment swore through Stormy Scottish skies, Each destined for the same target. As the Owl transports Breach the wards around Hogwarts Gnomes began to bail. With expeditionary and scout units jumping first, each Gnome Departing their owl transport with a squeak of Gratitude for their feather captains and transport. A few of the scouts grabbing auxiliary standard issue Laser pointers as they bail out. 

Intending to signal from their Designated position , or at the very least Cause whatever ate them Severe indigestion, As an incentive to not feast to their Gnome brethren. Each scout pull a ripcord at the Descended into the forest Canopy Each neon colored rigging Proudly proclaiming “ Eat Shit Moldyshorts! “ Courtesy of an Enthusiastic Remus. The Great Horned Owls Continued flying carrying the Primary security force deeper in Enemy territory. While the Larger barn owls Clutched Buckets full of laser pointers, speed guns and TI-83 Graphing calculators In their talents. 

Each payload of scientific equipment accompanied by strict instructions For each experiment hand written by the infamous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock was determined If he could not Conduct the research himself, The next best option would. The consulting detective Intended to take full advantage of his nephews presence at Hogwarts. Sherlock had no doubt his nephews and their little friends we have no problem dropping a few calculators and bowling balls Off the Hogwarts astronomy tower. In order to test the hypothesis that areas of high magical concentration altered the gravitational force Of the local area around. It was the only possibility to explain how a herd of twelve elephantine palomino Abraxans Could fly under such Conditions. Sherlock Anticipating the future actions of his favorite nephews( Darius! Kingston! It doesn’t matter they are the eldest! They will continue to be the favorites until such time As anyone else drags a 40 foot tall Peruvian Rock troll Out of its hibernation so It’s skin pigmentation can be tested for Minute Traces of Sulphur and Silicone. I don’t care if you Stole a fish from the Imperial Japanese Koi pond Just to see if it could turn almonds purple. Causing an international incident Having to do with fish is only valid if the experiment makes sense in a laboratory environment. you Contaminated your data sample Before you even finish the experiment, And worst of all you got caught. At the very least Harry and Dudley managed to Map of subterranean gnome colony before Anyone noticed. I am still quite proud of you both as that Koi fish Has made perfect counterweight to the dumbwaiter You built for Mrs. Hudson. Unfortunately your Uncle John Has made inquiries as to why a 200 pound goldfish that screams profanity in Japanese is perpetually inhabiting the dumbwaiter at 221 B. The fish may have to be returned soon. But that is beside the point, Science is the Priority with these Exploits!) Included several instructions on how to conduct Various experiments. As he knew of his nephews propensity to wander around relatively dangerous areas unsupervised in the middle of the night. The boys and their cohorts the Appropriately christened council of doom Needed to be kept sharp if you asked Sherlock. And there was nothing to keep the mind sharper In a stressful situation the recording research data. A Logic Mind requires constant Maintenance. And if you were going to be Traipsing through unknown Terrain Mapping the cartography of an endless forest in a Bottomless lake, Harry and Dudley Were Assured to happen upon, Something giant, furry and Vaguely cannibalistic. What with giant man eating spiders and a herd of Unaffiliated centaurs inhabiting the local Woodland, the children Would need to keep their wits about them. There was nothing better for suppressing , The flight or fight reaction In a life-threatening situation then meticulously documenting how fast a TI- 83 graphing calculator Flies through the air at various points around a magical school. The best thing to keep a young man from dying During a particularly nasty encounter with a level three or above magical creature( such as those Carnivorous reindeer from Osaka)Is to keep the mind working logically, One must maintain focus to keep stress from over taking The full mental focus. This was of course Sherlocks intention when writing detailed instructions about dropping gnomes , Calculators and other scientific objects from various heights around Hogwarts. All of this data was of course requested requested without the knowledge or approval of Mycroft or John Watson. 

But Sherlock’s Nephews would naturally oblige him , They all shared the same reckless curiosity when it came to certain aspects of science. And they had Hermione with them, the granger girl was nearly as good as Mycroft at Avoiding any unwanted fatalities. Sherlock had made certain, He’s requested data would result in minimal fatalities. As Mummy( Violet Holmes) Wanted the entire clan home for Christmas, With all Their current Functioning limbs intact.

While the Counsel of Doom Would face various dangers in the name of science in the near future , and Sherlock Holmes Would be banned from receiving any of Petunia’s Legendary baked goods For encouraging them, Now we not the time to worry about that. As far as Hagrid of the Gnome strike teams were concerned. As the owls continued flying toward their designated target , Hagrid stood outside this house Signaling each owl individually as they came in to land. The Half Giant triple agent was waving a Makeshift Signal pole with a Traffic cone taped to it to direct the Owls Carrying the scientific equipment and Gnome supplies Where to land or drop their equipment. The great horned owl Gnome transports begin to bail out, Each squadron jumping moments apart The sky above Hagrid’s hut became littered with hundreds of neon pink and purple rigging each proclaiming Creative insult : One particularly Memorable phase was,” Go hand feed a Hippo Cocaine MordyTorte!” The rest were mostly rather graphic cursewords in Yiddish And Icelandic. As the gnomes pulled their ripcord Gently parachuting until they hit land. Various Exclamations of “Wee!” And “ All Hail! Our Magnificent overlord!” Could be heard of squadron encountered a few updraft. The landing was relatively uneventful for an operation of its scale. Other than having to fish if you exuberant new recruits out of Blacklake. The Gnome Security Legion counted the operation a brilliant success . Which means a great deal less paperwork for one Hermione Granger much to relief. The Gnomes always demanded Every incident report be filed in triplicate( One to submit to the King, one to file, and one to eat Supposedly it was a good condiment for BLT. No but Hermione would ever be trying it).

The gnomes silently celebrated as they gather their gear and travel equipment following Hagrid into their temporary base camp. The ground floor of his Hogwarts abode. The commander of the ninth legion of the Holmes Manor super colony, used Hagrid’s beloved pet Fang As a podium to address his men. For the glory of their benevolent dictator! They were here to protect! On the Morrow! They set off on their new quest! The invasion of Hogwarts with the ultimate goal of ingratiating themselves With the Hogwarts house elf population.But for this night they celebrate a job well done and feast upon Rock Cakes and the most succulent and savory of crockery.... The Decadent Tupperware and pottery of the Ming Dynasty. All provided by their gracious overlord, the brilliant Hermione Granger! Bellows of “ God save the Queen!” And “Long May she Reign.” Filled the small hut. No matter how many times Hermione corrected her name no matter how many times Hermione corrected her gnome based. Security forces. The strike teams refused to believe , Someone so generous as The Mighty Granger Could be anything but a queen! For the moment at least the issue had never cause a problem so Hermione had stopped correcting them. The loyalty was of course appreciated. 

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Back in the great Hall surrounded by her fellow Gryffindors . Hermione sneezed, Sure somehow that the gnomes were talking about her. She really needed to figure out how to Broach the subject of how unhealthy hero worship could be for her. She needed to write to Violet for advice on how to handle that particular conversation.

The newly minted Lioness stole another spoon full of Dudley Emergency Pudding , Petunia’s baked goods were always Cherished. As watch Harry’s sorting drag on , Just hitting the 22 minute mark is Percy’s stopwatch was as Accurate as he claimed. Hermione just hope Harry wasn’t intending to break the Hogwarts hat stall record Set by Sir Francis Bacon The record having stood for centuries at 14 hours and 27 minutes. If Harry had gotten a notion to break that record Hermione with decapitate him Before he reached the second hour. Contending with a hungry Ronald would be quite arduous as it is, and their favorite Weasley hadn’t even been sorted yet! Hermione cast her eyes back to Harry As she took another bite, the Holmes boy looked a little stressed , She noted before losing herself like Dudley in the Nirvana That was petunia’s home cooking. 

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The two newly minted Gryffindors Remind blissfully Oblivious to Harry’s Distress as the sorting ceremony dragged on. Harry slowly lost his will to live. 37 minutes and counting. He hadn’t even gotten a word in edgewise in the last 15. The sorting hat was Mid-tirade About the injustice of the 1937 water polo championships. How Victoria state had been robbed of their rightful place In the hall of champions. Harry couldn’t figure out where it all went wrong, He had refused every suggestion for any other house but Slytherin. Demanding to be placed among ambitious and clever Students of the Hogwarts population, But the hat had just kept talking and talking and talking, Never even acknowledging his arguments, Harry had reached the point around minute 20 Of just begging To be sorted Anywhere just so this agony would end.

The Holmes heir’s Demeanor was slowly changing from that of a confident young wizard to the desperation of a trapped animal begging for help to escape his situation. Harry screamed with his eyes in Hermione’s Direction,” Save Me! Save Me! Now! This batshit crazy hat , is Trying to render my brain to mush with its Asinine chatter! It keeps talking about archaic sporting events! Not even Quidditch! Bloody water polo! It’s your fault I even know the rules to that blasted game! Now save me! I don’t care how! Set the blasted a thing on fire! I’m willing to sacrifice my hair! Dean can load me Ron’s hat for a while while it grows back! Just get me out of here! He’s ranting about statistics again! “. Harry realizing for the first time in his life he was truly alone, When he noticed Dudley swallow another spoonful, Of what could only be your mother’s emergency pudding ration. His best friend were Lost to him temporarily immersed in culinary Nirvana. Harry desperately cast his eyes around the hall before landing on Ron and Neville.

The Eldest Holmes Felt His last vestiges of hope Begin to Fade and he Stared at them his eye pleading with one clear message, “ Help Me!” The second ticked on with Ron failing to notice too busy Fulfilling his part of the mission dropping Dung bombs and talking to Dean Thomas. But Neville , Brilliant , Nervous, eager to keep his new friends Neville Was watching him. But Neville, Had only known Harry a few weeks he couldn’t read him like the other council members could. Silent communication with completely useless between them. But somehow as Harry began screaming Portuguese cursewords with his eyes Neville Recognized desperation the kind he had seen in his father’s eyes in a brief moment of Lucidity last Christmas. Harry needed help the longbottom heir Realized! The Hat was Torturing him! Neville realizing that time was Precious, Reached for his wand, Scouring his mind For any spell that might be useful. Until he remembered the one His gran used to heat her Favorite antique kettle. The Longbottom scion Lifted his one aiming at Harry’s forehead, Neville whispered,” Incendio.” 

Neville’s aim even with the previous weeks beater training, was still off by a mile. His spell Instead of striking the hat on the brim Landed Squarely On the pointed tip of the Sentient head covering. One moment nothing happened the next the hat began to scream as flames appeared. The sorting hat bellowed,” Fine! Fine! Have it your way! Gryffindor! “ Before addressing McGonagall Frantically,” Minerva would you be a dear and extinguish me?”

Harry having heard the word Gryffindor leave the hat brim Lunged on the stool Flinging the hat off his head in a desperate bid for freedom. The Holmes Heir Managed to make it down the stairs before hyperventilating and falling Before the feet of Neville Longbottom. It took Harry a moment To catch his breath and silently thank Merlin for his new friend. Harry looked up at the grinning Longbottom as Neville Stashed his one and Harry squeezed his ankle muttering a Grateful,” Thanks Nev.” As he Slowly regained his sanity. Ron finally Processing the situation helped haul Harry to his feet. Harry just hugged Neville muttering about,” Evil Hats, and Oblivious Weasleys.” Ron finally understanding with the sorting hat had done offered a quiet apology. I see absurd Professor McGonagall Finally dousing the flames with her wand. Ron smiled ruefully at his friend before gently nudging Harry towards the Gryffindor table with a,” You better go sit with the Lions, Before the rat bastard tries to change his mind mate!” Harry realizing that he might still be in danger of being called back bolted towards the Gryffindor table. Flinging himself onto the relative safety of the bench next to his brother. Harry snatched the last bite of petunias emergency pudding. Instantly feeling more relaxed as he took his first bite. Nothing said safety more the Petunia’s baked goods. Harry Sighed with relief Before glaring at Hermione. The Eldest Holmes growled at her,” Did you really have to resort to that? That torture? You know you have Ruined the plan? We’re going to have to start from square one.”

Hermione blinked at the newly Arrived Holmes brother Before grinning deviously ,” The plan was shit Harry and you know it. It would have separated us, Being in different houses would be extraordinarily inconvenient for prankIng And study sessions. Plus You would have spent the next seven years Absolutely miserable and rooming with Those mini Neanderthals.”

Harry begrudgingly Acknowledge her point with a glare before turning to watch the sorting as Draco Malfoy was Declared a Slytherin. Harry elbowed Dudley when his brother pulled out the second emergency pudding. Harry Pulled it away from him before saying,” We need to save some for Ron and Neville. Longbottom Saved my sanity A minute ago With a well-timed Incendio.”

Dudley grinned at that Before laughing,” I told you Longbottom would be Brilliant we just have to get him to relax.” Dudley smile only Widened at the sorting hat hit Neville’s head In less than 30 seconds the Longbottom heir was striding towards them as the Counsel of doom Along with the rest of Gryffindor roared their approval.

Neville sat down beside Hermione and harry pushed the emergency pudding towards him . With a brief directions to ,”dig in.” Neville to a bit Rather enthusiastically before Watching Ron gets sorted In less then a second . The Weasley were always in Gryffindor. Shouts and boisterous laughter, of Congratulations greeted Ron on his arrival. The twin and Percy beaming with pride as Ron sat at the table taking his first bite of the now famous emergency Pudding.

With the lap sorting of Blaise Z. The feast begin. The Council of doom smiled at one another, They were all together. Well except for Justin, the Flinch-Fletchley had followed the time honor tradition of this Aristocratic family of doing whatever the hell the wanted so long as it didn’t hurt anybody. Justin had gone where he felt most comfortable among the loyal and hardworking Badgers of Hogwarts. The Holmes brothers smiled as the locked eyes with Their longtime friend. Justin Was like so many of his family, The boy was brilliant and loyal and would make one hell of an ambassador. He would keep Hufflepuff house firmly on the side of the Holmes for as long as he Could derive A benefit from the arrangement. Exchanging one favor for another, Justin was a good man to have in their corner. Even if black and gold clashed with his hair.

Harry smiled As he Executed his revenge, Claiming the only bowl of peas in their immediate vicinity, Making Hermione have to go for the parsnips to fill her vegetable quota. Harry Basked in the Brilliance of Vengeance best served hot with a side of Parsnips and refried beans. The Holmes heir Smiled as Hermione Glanced at him silently asking If this was the last of it. Harry just nodded, Conveying that all was forgiven with that brief action.

Percy Weasley begin collecting bags for the next leg in the plan. Whoever won tomorrow morning Would be loaded For the rest of the year. But he couldn’t figure out why so many beats were Contingent on Katie Bell’s cat Waffles reaction to tomorrow’s events.

Percy just shrugged as the feast disappeared, He called for the first years to follow him. As they made their way up the stairs toward their new home for the next seven years. The Gryffindors all Laughing becoming ever more boisterous, as the entered the tower . The older Weasleys All smiling conspiratorially for the first time in years they had a prank to Orchestrate Together for the first time since Percy got his badge. The twins laughed as Percy grinned. It was going to be a long night for all three of them. 

The first years broke off into their two dormitories harry and Dudley Fell asleep quite quickly underneath the watchful eyes of the west ham united football club and a Framed portrait of Phineas Nigelus Black, The Portrait Happily only reporting to Sirius black.

By dawn the next morning the time release dung bombs had gone off and the pixie Possessing a suit of armor had started dancing And simply wouldn’t stop. But the most magnificent of all was what Percy and the twins pulled up. Who would have Predicted professor Flitwick Getting into an arm wrestling match with a hippocrab before breakfast.


	54. Companion Chapter: The Long Journey Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a little darker then the rest of the fic so far. John Watson, Lily and James are going to attempt to help Frank and Alive. It gets a little graphic so this is a trigger warning. For Torture, Mental Health Problems, sadness, , PTSD, and stress. You do not need to read this chapter to understand the rest of the story. 
> 
> Warnin: All of the above, This is not a lighthearted chapter. 
> 
> Proceed with caution. If you choose to read this chapter I promise the end to this side plot Will be a happy one.

As the sun rose on September the 2nd, and all hell broke Loose at Hogwarts.Another Matter was wreaking havoc at Holmes Manor, the Saint Mungo’s staff were Throwing a literal hissy fit about having Muggle medical Professional examine the patients . Alive and Frank Longbottom. While Augusta looked murderous and Violet had to physically keep the Longbottom Matriarch from Barbecuing the temperamental healers with her wand. Healer Flambé, would Only hinder their goal of accessing frank and Alice’s Complete medical history . Dispute Violet’s Mutual agreement with Augusta proposed methods, They needed the magical Healthcare professionals Currently doing a wonderful impersonation of Teething toddlers Cooperation to reach their goals. Violet pinches the bridge of her noise before glancing at John and lily in Exasperation. The Holmes Matriarch had promised Augusta an easy Transition better Magical and muggle Healthcare teams, and these buffoon were making a Mockery of her promise to the other woman.

Remarkably it wasn’t John or Lily that settled the situation but an irate Petunia Storming into the Foyer, with a crying infant in her arms, the rather horsey looking Evans sister had murder in her eyes Even more so than Augusta. Petunia took One look at the scene in front of her before shouting, “ You! Inconsiderate Louts ! I just got Marigold done for a nap, the first one in days! She has colic! It was the First moment Of peace I’ve gotten in a week ! And you lot Destroyed it! You woke my baby from her slumber ! She was sound asleep, infants need rest ! Not Ridiculous, Self centered and Inconsiderate fools like you around! How dare you cause anyone in this house stress! You are overseeing a medical transfer for two patient you have failed Horribly to help! That Can barely comprehend the situation! You are making a scene in front of them and their family , I’m surprised Augusta hasn’t stupifyied you louts yet! Your behavior disgusts me! You Call yourselves healers! Where is your concern for your patients! You are a Disgrace to your profession and a truly Magnificent waste of space. You can’t even respect the sanctity of a child’s rest! You blasted bastards! “ 

Petunia Turned towards Violet with fire in Her eyes Very reminiscent of an angry Lily, she addressed Your mother-in-law, “. Violet? why are these ,” She glanced back at them with scorn, “Men ... If you could Call them that, Still in my house?”Violet surprised for a moment answered That they Refused to Supply John and Healer Montgomery with Frank and Alice’s records. Petunia Functioning on 12 minutes of sleep she got two days ago turned back To the now silent Saint Mungo’s Medical staff and growled,” Well?” While attempted to sooth her colic Stricken daughter. The healer Visibly recoiled from her tone before sheepishly Summoning the requested documents. Petunia , Violet , and Augusta shared a vicious maternal smile as John , Remus and Healer Montgomery Physically dragged the Saint Mungo’s staff to the fireplace Before shoving them in to the Emerald flames. Every member of the family Feeling a great deal of satisfaction as they disappeared from the property. Augusta thanked Petunia Genuinely before asking in she wanted to try a Longbottom herbal remedy for colic Her mother-in-law had taught her when Frank was a baby. Petunia gave her a grateful , “ God yes anything that will make it stop.” The two women started towards the kitchen but not before making sure Frank and Alive where in safe hands, Violet follow them holding her granddaughter so Petunia could take a breathe. Violet took her Granddaughter back to the nursery as Lily, John and Montgomery begin to examine the charts in front of them each with a look of Severe incredulity.

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16 hours, 40 pots of coffee and one formerly colic Ridden infant later they had a plan , that was so insane It just might actually work. Sherlock had looking like he want to shag John were he stood when the former military surgeon Came up with.... it was A Holmesian Level stroke of Brilliance, A disturbingly logical deduction. Frank and Alice Couldn’t be reached by external stimuli, so They would take the stimuli to Frank and Alice, in a method Reminiscent of a 1960s psychoanalytical acid trip, but instead of Manufactured pharmaceuticals as the means to Force mental processes, They would use a poltergeist to communicate with their patients.

Lily would need to possess the couple Individually and drag them kicking and screaming if Necessary out of the mental fortress they had Retreated to in order to survive the hours of horrific torture They had been subjected too. Lily could have to make them feel again in order To make their recovery even a Minute possibility.

Augusta had sobbing Approved for desperate measures, anything to get them back to the land of the living. She wanted her son back, as a Functional human being, Rather than a vegetable, that would Occasionally scream. 

With a grave Expression Lily plunged into Alice’s soul , Invading the hellscape that was her mind seek out The last bastion of sanity her old friend possessed, Lily went hunting for Alice in a protective Mental stronghold Of her own making. Lily needed To do the exact opposite of what Alice’s mind has been doing for the last decade. Alice Had retreat into The deepest corners of her mind just to save herself from the horror of her tormentors. Lily had to penetrate that sheiks to free her friend from her own protective shell that both saved her and made her a prisoner in her own head.

As Lily down into the Bowels of Alice’s Consciousness she pass memories both good and bad Reliving every moment as Alice had. Her Hogwarts letter, the first time she ate peas and vomited all over her gran, her first kiss with Frank, her first time with ... Sirius.. Lily blushes crimson with that... Something she desperately needed to bleach from her brain... OWLS. NEWTS , laughter , Alice hugging Lily herself at graduation... that was a Surreal experience, the preset twin being murdered, Marlene’s funeral, Giving birth to Neville...Neville,her Sheer joy and Unconditional love for her son was Evident as Lily Experienced her memories... And then blinding pain, The cruel merciless laughter Of Bellatrix as Alice begged for her life , trying to by time , desperately keeping the cloaking spell over Neville her magic Weakening by the honor , watch them taking turns torturing Frank between each beating and Cursio , Alice and Frank hold one praying for the Order or the Auror to Arrive, for someone to save them before she herd Augusta screaming” Bombarda!” and then nothing! No more pain, no more Frank bleed out in front of her just numbness , a relief from the agony of those Horrible hours but also nothing a place where time did not pass just numb silence and Emptyness, safety but hopeless. Lily screamed feeling herself being sucked in, with all her heart she bellowed “ Alice!” She caught a flicker of light and movement In front of her. Lily save Alice as in a Trance, open her eyes and Actually look at her. Lily heard Alice mumble” Lily? Where’s Neville?”  
Lily didn’t waste a moment to explain. She seize the mental Projection of Alice in a death grip and Yanked this all her might. It was like pulling a rabid dog out of almost set Concrete . Painful, slow, but worth it to save their life. Eventually Lily drag khedive Alice into the light of their Reality.

What greater her was Chaos.

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It had taken three days to reach Alice in her mental prison so long that Augusta had become Desperate begging John and James to try and help Frank while they waited. James had reluctantly Acquiesced, Diving in to the haunted Remains so his friends head, What greeted him with something worse than death but James . Had a Gryffindor’s Stereotypical stubbornness, He pulled Frank from this mental Azkaban in A little over two days. And that’s when the screaming began. 

Frank sounded like a banshee that was Being stretched on the rack, He was inconsolable and after an hour with no break or rest they had no choice. John Watson Had to sedate him. Augusta was inconsolable, Until they heard a whisper from across the room. Lily was back with Alice. The word that Rendered them all speechless was

“ Neville.” Whispered by Alice. Her green eyes focused on her husband’s mother. Recognition Clearly mirrored in both of them.

Augusta Was inconsolable, But this time with tears of joy. As Alice Her voice cracking, Again inquired about her son.

Augusta Answered in the silence her voice Barely a whisper the answer tentative , As if the speaker still couldn’t believe this was real.” He’s alive . Alice. In his first year I got a letter from him yesterday, He’s a Gryffindor just like you and Frank. Alice he’s such a good boy, Obsessed with plants . You’ll love him.”

Alice whispered, “ I already do.” Before collapsing into unconsciousness. Making Remus and John lunge to catch in the nick of time.

Violet Holmes Watched the entire event from the doorway before breaking the silence.” I’ll get the wine. And some apples I suppose James ,Lily you must be starving.”

The only response she received was The laughter of two poltergeist shaking so hard until they started crying. They had dragged their friends out of hell But not without taking a personal loss.  
They all need a drink, an apple and A weeks worth of sleep.

This was a problem that would take months not hours to solve. The state they were in was almost laughable. But so was the inexplicable feeling of hope.

Screaming yourself hoarse was dreadful , But it meant you were alive and still breathing. It was a step In the right Direction.

From the Corredor behind Violet they heard of bark, Snickerdoodle right on time, Just when they needed him.


	55. Chapter 55

Who knew Snape would look so good In a Yellow Taffeta Picnic dress . 

Why are all the gnomes wearing lederhosen, And what happened to the Ketchup? Harry! Why is there Maple syrup on my chips! What the hell did you do to the cosmos!

Why is it raining Limes?

Hermione! Fix it! 

Dudley Why do you have a butterfly Net? 

No ! No! Get away from me! I don’t want to go to Charms class ! I don’t want to change back!

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After Professor Flitwick Manage to administer the pixie anti-venom to Ronald Weasley, And Dudley Was finally able to shrink his butterfly net Back to its previous non-human human hunting size.

Ron looked at his friends rather sheepishly, And hopefully ask,” Can we never mention this again? I mean everybody turns into a seven foot tall wings Ballerina with Picnic dress conjuring vision sometime? Best to just forget about And go back to everyday life right?”

Harry, Hermione , Dudley , and Neville Burst out laughing before grinning wickedly at one another and then turning their collective Terrifying grins on the youngest Weasley. Harry finally said,” Not a chance mate! Did you see the look on Snape’s face. That was epic! Fred and George said some thing about you winning the bet when we Dragged you up here.”

Ron looking relieved grinned. Dreaming of the Prospect of his older brother’s respect. It only took him turning into A 7 foot tall winged Neon blue Enchanted ballerina for him to out prank them, and for the Twins to admit it publicly! This was the best day ever , ever if Flitwick said her could be sneezing blue glitter for the rest of the week. He Ron Weasley Had out pranked the twins! Even if it wasn’t intentionally, it was Magnificent! 

The rest of the members of the council of doom just watched Ron’s changing expression Laughed endlessly. Before making there way down to dinner , the Houseelves had promised turkey and some kind of spring ring rolls with soy sauce as a Special treat for ending the chaos even if they were the ones that caused it. Dumbledore’s beard would be neon green for at least the next two weeks.


	56. Chapter 56

Harry Holmes raises a brow at the man no boy sitting before him, Their first week of lessons Had smoothly, “The announcement” Had gone off without a hitch , If you asked any member Of the council of doom or their co-conspirators,The great Hall in the front entryway of the castle Were still Being aired out The scent of dung was are still quite pungent, The green houses were still covered in a fine layer of pink slime, That was a Edible according to Neville and tasted Vaguely of cotton candy, If you believed Dudley and Harry, But Hermione refused To act as their control group so the hypothesis was yet to be proven.  
The Knights of the Pixie Enchanted picnic Still held Court in the second floor Corredor, The magic had slowly started to wear off After a few days but they were still shouting complement In Gaelic at Anyone who passed, Including Flitch and Mrs. Norris who Both needed the ego boost, So non one had any real incentive to resolve the matter, Sir Copernicus Sitwell would continue to boost self-confidence Of the Hogwarts population For a few more weeks at least. “ The Announcement” Had been quite clear On the first morning of the new school year, The council of doom was now in residence, and would be for the next seven years. The boys sitting before him was One of those Co-conspirators, Justin Flitch-Fletchley , An old cohort From Harry and Dudley’s Youthful days of Terrorizing the peerage at the palace, During Particularly boring parties. Justin Had come to Harry With a proposal Justin knew the Wnd goal of the Holmes plan, to heal the Divides the magical world, under Holmes leadership of course But that wasn’t to say others wouldn’t be profiting from it as well. And like his Father’s son Justin Saw the Benefits of Conspiring with the Holmes brothers rather then against them. Plus they were friends , What benefit with them should benefit them both if you asked the newly minted Hufflepuff . Justin had gotten an idea When he reached the Hufflepuff Common room Deep in the dungeon under Hogwarts right next to the kitchens. Justin decided Hogwarts needed an underground market of sorts, To facilitate the trade of contraband and snacks of course. So Justin went to the only person he knew who could smuggle in large quantities of goods Under the radar, inDirectly at least. Justin Wanted Hermione’s gnomes to be his supply chain, but ‘Mione Brilliant and Devious though she may be was still a stickler for the rules, even after years of Friendship with Harry and Dudley. So Justin when to the one person Who could influence Hermione, a Holmes. He wanted Harry’s help , In exchange for a healthy, cut of the profits from Justin’s Blackmarket. 

Harry had smiled at his friend , The young entrepreneur and demanded an Additional 10% as It would take a while to convince Hermione become a wholesaler and a smugglers . The 10% was of course to be donated to the established house of labor union, S.P.E.W. Justin had left Gryffindor tower with a verbal Agreement that he and The Cousel Were in business together , So long as Justin Distracted Roger Davis from his Sweet tooth for a few days, Every time the gnomes got close to infiltrating the kitchens Roger would turn up looking for Some kind of gourmet chocolate, Thwarting The gnomes efforts to hold labor union meetings In the evenings. Hermione was about Ready to Curse Davis with Antlers and a Severely receded hairline if he continued to Unintentionally interfere with her plans for elvish welfare. Justin was more then happy to help in the Council of doom’s Pursued of international creature rights and welfare, So long as his name was never mentioned. Politics Even at Hogwarts had to Observed of course, The silent partner in the agreement( Justin) Wouldn’t take any flack if The house elves went on strike and None of the students had any clean underwear left. Labor Unions Though helpful in the long run, Were disruptive when first established, Justin didn’t want his fellow Puffs gunning for him when the Inevitable trade negotiations started. Harry had just smiled and said, “ Of Course, Just as my name is never to be Associated with your new enterprise.”

Justin left with a handshake And a mission while Harry Was left To establish a supply chain, Primarily writing his mother Requesting more cakes and Convincing Hermione to take a bribe To fund her new creature rights Organization. 

Harry. Quickly penned letter To his parents, The fourth one In the last week, And whistled for Hedwig, After Securing the letter to his owl’s leg, Harry heard Ron Shout that it was A. Quarter to three , They were going to be late for potions. Ron Bellowed this twice more, To alert Seamus and Dudley in the First year boys dorm Before you attempted to run up the stair To the girls dorm to inform Hermione of their impending tardiness. Ron barely got three steps of the staircase Before The step dropped out from under him Forming a slide, with a cry of shock the Weasley Landed in a heap At the foot of the stairs, To a chorus of Amused female giggles as shouts of “ What the!” And “ Bloody First year boys!” Echoed down From the girls dormitories as Hermione Came sliding down followed by Katie Bell and Penelope Clearwater Both of the older girls looking rather. Irritated. Harry had to drag Ron Away from the stairs turned slide Before he was crushed their collective landing. 

With a bit of laughter and a Smattering of annoyed Upperclassman the Gryffindor first years Departed the tower bat a run On their way to their first Class of double potions.

Harry pocketed a small blue vial As he ran out of the portrait hole right behind Ron.

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Violet Holmes settled on her Sofa as she read a Small missive that had been hand delivered By a royal courier Moments ago. The excited young man Practically vibrated while he waited To receive her reply , Lizzie Always had rather Devoted staff Violet noted as she perused the letter. The seal of the house of Windsor Adorned the upper left corner of cream Embossed Missive. It seemed Elizabeth had finally come to a decision About Mycroft’s request, Despite it being unOrthodox, on the 18th of October They were cordially invited / ordered By royal decree to attend the knighting of Snickerdoodle Holmes At Buckingham palace , They were expected to arrive at a quarter to three for tea Before the ceremony, biscuits and Steak tartare would be made available for Her Majesty’s honored guest. Violet snorted as she read the Requirements for the dress code( dog park formal, Top hats preferred) . Lizzie Always did know how to make a Statement even if she was doing exactly what you wanted her to. 

Violet smiled before sending her reply via the Living soundwave that was the royal Courier and Made her way out of the library to find her son, Mycroft had to haunted the Manor somewhere, her Eldest had been Positively twitching since Harry and Dudley had left for school, Despite their daily letters. It was an adjustment for the whole family, the boys Has left the nest, and taken their first step into possible danger Even if that danger was only a school bully or a paper cut Their mother couldn’t kiss better. Not that Violet had any doubt, any Potential schoolyard bully wouldn’t wake up Lime green for the horse tail growing out of his sternum if he was Foolish enough to harass on of her Grandchildren. But No matter how capable you knew they were, a parent still worried, it didn’t help Dudley and Harry had mailed Mycroft With a revised plan as Neither has been placed in Slytherin, Hermione had objected to that particular portion of the plan . Violet had laughed when she would inform Having a particular fondness for Australian water polo and Portuguese Folklore.


	57. Chapter 57

Mycroft sighed as he read the report. It appeared the Eastern Pacific pod of Killing Whales Were still holding The Russian Submarine hostage, as the former USSR Refused to meet their demands, how hard was it to Cut down on Fishing around the Bering Strait for a few weeks. Mycroft resigned himself to the Situation he would have To defuse it Personally, he’d Have to renew his diving certification, and drag Sherlock along to translate unless his brother had successfully managed to teach Remus. Mycroft smiles to himself, a man could dream. Even if that dream involved taking a werewolf deep sea diving with politically savvy orca, Rather then His exasperating baby brother.

༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ


	58. Chapter 58

Hermione sighed One last time and put her hand down. It seemed professor Snape would continue To ignore anyone else who actually knew the answer to his questions and she was getting tire of Dudley poking her with a quill If her hands stayed raise for more then five seconds Without her being called on. She Appreciated the “teacher’s pet alerts” from Dudley but did he really need to used an Eagle owl quill that hooted every time he poked her with it, It didn’t hurt but the noise alerted everyone else to what he was doing. Even if the noise did make her want to make a “ Who’s on first joke.” The quill was just a reminder that the professor was ignoring her and Hyper focused on Harry Holmes or as Snape Kept calling him “ Mr. Potter” much to the Irritation of everyone in the room most of all Dudley, as one did not Insinuate he and Harry were anything but Brothers family was important to a Holmes, they had a habit of Breaking into buildings and torturing Megalomaniac to Protect Those they called family, Seeing Harry wasn’t a Holmes was just asking to be turned into a Neon orange turnip and given to the gnomes to use as a rugby ball. 

As Snape continues to Interrogate Harry demanding that” Mr. Potter” identify the difference between Monksfoot and wolfsbane, Dudley has to be Physically restrain by Ron To keep the boy from Rising to his brother’s and his family’s defense. Ron Surprisingly was the one that kept a cool head, They all knew the plan, but that did mean They didn’t find Snape offensive. So Dudley settled for Poking Hermione with a quill Rather then Confronting Snape, As they all waited for Harry’s signal. The distinctive pop of a vial being opened, just a Severus Snape turned his back, The potion was a gift from Harry’s Biological mum, The poltergeist Lily Potter, who was still Rather irritated about Snape part in her murder. As the potions master flipped his wand Towards the blackboard to list instructions for the day’s potion Harry tossed the vial and Dudley Began to quietly chant While Hermione poured her magic into a summoning circle Ron had carved into his desk. Ghost summonings Were particularly tricky For any witch or wizard that wasn’t At least a third year, so it Required a bit of team effort. As Snape Began to Berate The class as a whole , Snape Stopped speaking mid Sentence and Started to shake, The council of doom pretended to be minding their own business and went to collect the rest of the ingredients needed for their assigned potion, While the other students that were not in the loop( Primarily the Slytherins) Stared at the Professor as Snape to speak In a foreign voice, When any good Englishman would recognize instantly, As the father of the nation,Sir Winston Churchill, Snape Began to speak in a booming voice,” We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches,” The foreign voice stop for a moment before surveying the room, Snape’s face Became rather bewildered for a moment as he looked About frantically Before his eye settled on Harry, Hermione , and Dudley’s table Where a bowl of peaches Now sat, Snape clumsily Make his way over to them and seized the Largest looking piece of fruit And bit into it gleefully, Savoring the taste as only a long dead man could, The foreign booming voice of Sir Winston Churchill Proudly declared, “ Goddamn I love these peaches!”

Before looking at the students sitting at the table,His eyes Locking on harry, Hermione and of all people Ron before saying, “ The devil take me, That’s a Weasley , Septimus manage to Spawn! “ Before glancing at Harry and Dudley And saying ,” I’d know Those eyes anywhere , Your Walter Evans’ Grandsons Aren’t you? And by God I’d know that spark Anywhere , You’ve got Holmes blood, the Devil Must be laughing His head off in the Fiery pit if the Evans and Holmes mixed. Your Great Grandfathers Hated did each other, But bloody hell did they make a good team. Are you Little Sigmund’s Grandsons or Sherriferd’s boys? If you run with a Weasley I’ve no doubt Sigmund end up marrying that little Spitfire of his Violet!” 

The ghost of Sir Winston Churchill( Currently possessing the body of Severus Snape Looked at the children expectantly) While taking another bite of his peach and grinning. Harry and Dudley For the first time in their lives were lost in the land of “ Does not compute “ Uncertain of how to answer the ghost of a dead Prime Minister that had just referred to their grandmother, The most dangerous woman in Britain as ,” Sigmund’s little Spitfire”, And trying to rationalize That their great grandfathers knew each other. Including Ron’s. Surprisingly it was Ronald that spoke first While watching the possessed professor carefully,” Aren’t you supposed to be a Muggle? How do you know who my grandfather is? And those were my peaches mate , Asking first would have be appreciated.” The Ginger that the nerve to glare at the possessed Professor Making the man laugh, A sound so disturbing Every student in the room shivered And glanced around Expecting at least one of the four Horsemen to appear, as Severus Snape Possessed or not laughing was surely a sign of Armageddon.

Hairy finally snapped out of his shock elbow elbowed making his brother grunt, And snap back to reality. The Holmes brother Exchange a glance the smiled at Snape/ Sir Winston Churchill Sensing an opportunity, The man had clearly known their grandparents when they were young, The chiming bells of blackmail Rang in both their head as Harry happily confirmed their bloodlines to the ghost and Dudley seized his Eagle owl quill Ready to take notes, Hermione next to him just rolled her eyes and began to make their Assigned potion, she wouldn’t chance a failing grade no matter the Potential for useful information. She coughed after harry asked his third question about His grandpa’s Sigmund’s motorbike collection, Hermione nodded to the rest of the class that were openly staring at the exchange, Harry understand Quietly ask Sir Winston to Channel his inner Snape. The Professor barked out an order Any general might envy and The first years jumped back to work as the possessed professor turned back to the Council of doom, and began to Regale them with a particularly interesting story about Walter Evans and Septimus Weasley Putting Potatoes into the exhaust pipes of a German delegation just before war was declared, Winston Added with a great deal Of glee the Details of great Grandpa Holmes Providing the German delegation with the contact information of a reputable mechanic in the area, But Holmes Neglecting to mention the specialized in combine harvesters and tractor Equipment to the Germans, For the year leading up to the war they could hear the German Embassies automobiles coming from a mile away, as they All Screeched like a wheat thresher In desperate need of a good oil. 

So The rest of the potions class continued in much the same manner with hairy and Dudley taking Meticulous notes on the most interesting topic they had ever encountered, and Hermione calmly brewing the Assigned potion so they all didn’t get detention. While Draco Malfoy Continually glanced over at his godfather professor Snape with ever increasing concern as the Malfoy heir was Aware of his godfather’s dislike of peaches and Anyone with the last name Weasley or Potter.

As the class came to a close, And Ron finally successfully extract it an apology from the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, The Deceased Prime Minister announced he would be hanging around for a while, As the afterlife got quite boring, and he wanted to see what a new generation of Holmes would get up to , The Prime Minister finally agreed to give the potions master back control of his body temporarily at least.

As the bells sounded in the first year is filed out, Leaving the potions classroom and a bewildered Severus Snape muttered about Not even liking peaches, and those blasted Holmes brothers, Not a single member of the council of doom could suppress a smile, And Harry made a mental note to write his grandmother Violet, as Aunt Lizzie needed to invite another old friend to Snickerdoodle’s knighting, the Queen would get a kick out of catching up with her first Prime Minister and the Holmes could use that good will to get and increase in security funding for Torchwood, Harry’s father Mycroft had been concerned about the Azoreans eyeing their arm of the Milky Way a bit too closely for his liking. Hermione just laughed when he mentioned it to her, Holmes and intergalactic politics just what Great Britain needed. The next thing you knew uncle Sherlock would be demanding the use Of the Hubble telescope to burn ants on Pluto, all in the name of Science! And Avoiding boredom!

Hermione and Harry both laughed when Dudley reminded them they needed to throw a few TI-83 calculators off of the astronomy tower tonight if they wanted to explore dungeon before they had to meet with the Gnome commanders, for a mission debriefing.

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Mycroft Holmes Would’ve raised eyebrow if he wasn’t wearing a scuba mask, Albus Dumbledore had just appeared in front of him in the middle of a pod of orca 100 feet below the waves at the Pacific. The wizard looked surprised before starting to struggle of water filled his lungs, The matriarch of the Killer whale pod Mycroft Had been negotiating with, Chirped in a tone that could only mean one thing in any language, Idiot. And pushed the bearded wizard into the open hatch of the Soviet submarine Just as the vessel with sealing up and taking off. Mycroft Look at his brother Sherlock as he translated, the two brothers Reaching a silent consensus,” Not my problem “.

The Killer Whales still Surrounding them started making inquiries about possible new tourist Arrangements, They would be willing to put in a few more appearances for whale watchers if Mycroft could Assure them that a few more Reindeer would conveniently fall off a cargo ship Within their hunting territory. Mycroft Smirk And went back to the negotiations, It would take more than a few whale watchers to make the Reindeer appearing in the Pacific Anything but inconvenient.

If it come to it, Sherlock still have their grandfathers harpoon, And knew how to use it.


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy April fools! I hope you enjoy some Holmes shenanigans!

Mycroft Exchanged glance with Remus As they continue to climb the tower, Towards the mechanism of Big Ben, the Boisterous laughter of their fellow Echoing up ahead, both men cursed as They heard another explosion , those bloody bastards they had started without them.

A jet of ink shot Passed Mycroft’s head splattering the wall behind him, the land kraken That had been terrorizing London for the last week, made a bopping noised as Mycroft and Remus enter the engineering suite of the clock tower just in time to see John say, “ Read them and Weep” before collecting a massive pile of chips ( And a few sword fish, the krakens tokens of choice when gambling) making the kraken boop again while Sirius began to shuffle the deck, and James quietly cursed Three Continents Watson, and his infamous luck, before noticing the newcomers and kicking out a chair. A the men settled around the tables Sherlock sniped In a perfect imitation of a Condescending Mycroft, “ You’re late, Brother mine.” Before Rapidly the game to deal the next hand.

Mycroft looked Sherlock dead in the eye and said,” Yes, I was a bit busy cleaning up your mess, really Sherlock , a bulldozer trusted up like a rhinoceros And left to rampage through Mayfair, Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Or were you just hoping I would miss this evening and you wouldn’t have to pay up?” 

Mycroft looked to his left as the kraken booped in excitement, “Hello Croesus , how are Penelope and the kids? My sons tell me Greta took a liking to Cephalopod they set her up with at the start of term. Smooth sailing I hope?” Mycroft inquired as he stolidly Perused his first hand as Sirius tossed in a 50 pound chip and James Failed horribly at holding a decent poker face as John Watson visibly grinned. 

It may only be his first hand but if at least Luck Continued to favor John tonight They all stood a good chance of watching Sherlock Holmes put on a chicken suit and offer unsolicited investment Advice and stock options to random passers with he grumpily road the London Eye for a few hours.

Mycroft was so looking forward to that , he needed a good laugh after that bloody Fiasco with the Belgians And the former French ambassador Accidentally committing himself to a mental hospital After a rather unexpected phone call from a man he claim Sounded like his old friend Winston Churchill. 

It took a great deal of time In effort to keep a straight face when instruction , Jefferson and Montgomery To investigate the matter in a formal inquiry. It had taken a few days but finally a rather apologetic letter Had arrived from Dudley On the 14th, Explaining the matter. They had summoned a ghost To possess their potions master, And couldn’t get the bloody spirit to leave. Instead of Napoleon Running amok through Hogwarts for a few hours they had Sir Winston Churchill Inhabiting their teacher’s body on a rather more permanent basis, By all accounts Winston was the most successful potions teacher in Hogwarts history. Mycroft had been Mildly disturbed by that tidbit of information, while Attempting to rectify the Catastrophic Mess The spirit has been wreaking on British foreign relationships. He’s had to have the Archbishop bless every switchboard in England , To expel evil spirits and keep Winston from haunting the phone lines Attempting to contact old Cronies, Or in one memorable Case Queen Elizabeth.

Mycroft now had yet another guests going to the knighting next week, Much to his mother’s consternation, Violet respected the man but by god did she hated the smell of his cigar brand, but with Aunt Lizzie on board They couldn’t exactly prevent the former father of the nation from attending the ceremony. They would just have to burn some Incense after he left, The Manor would reek of sage for a few days but It would minimize the collateral damage Mycroft mused before raising Sherlock’s bet and smiling. 

He could hear the chicken suit calling Sherlock to his destiny already, and the night was still so young , The Holmes Patriarch tossed another 20 into the pot, As he watched his brother Visibly sink into his chair. And the night was still young.

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Albus Dumbledore gasped as he dove under the sink in galley of the Submarine, he was trapped in a tin can 40,000 leagues under the sea , with a bunch of crazy Soviets hunting him and Interrupting his magic every time he tried to call Minerva for aid. Honestly they had no respect for a man trying to save the world, ( cough spying cough) , Albus cursed as he heard the stomping of boots and dove into the oven next to him, hoping to hide long enough to work a decent spell, if they found him to early those crazy men might just achieve their goal of Capturing him and shaving off his beard. Which Was something albus could not allow, his jaw line could never be visible to the world , He would lose all of his wizard credibility If that happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy April Fools!


	60. Not a Chapter, But Please Read !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real update is coming tomorrow! I just need an answer to a question!

Hey Everyone,

Thanks for taking a moment to read this. I need to know your thoughts if it would be appropriate for the story, for Queen Elizabeth To have a conversation with Snape While he is possessed by Sir Winston Churchhill. Since he was Queen Elizabeth’s first Prime Minister. 

So I am asking you the readers, Do you think something like this would be in poor taste?

Just let me know in the comments. And thank you once again for taking the time to read this.

The new chapter will be posted tomorrow!

༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Knight commander Captain Snickerdoodle Pawsworth Umbrellaford Holmes the first of North London Holmes Canine battalion Wagged his tail Finally giving the signal for the battle corgis to charge .
> 
> Just a teaser!

Petunia huffed Once again Struggling to regain her breath. She had been trying to Corral her children for the last half hour. They had to be at Windsor in Less than 45 minutes, It was time for desperate measures, Petunia sighed Summoning Mr. Fitzgibbons and the Gouse spooners, They were going to have to flush them out. 

Silently Lamenting her lack of physical fitness, a a state of near Perpetual pregnancy and bed rest did little for ones overall stamina, Petunia gave the order and Mr. Fitzgibbons and the Security hit wizards all grabbed a Snatcher’s sack( Mycroft had a Special dispensation from the Crown to keep them on the property) and the wizards when to work, hunting the 19 strong Holmes Horde and their cohorts the Black Triplets in the Subterranean labyrinth beneath the family Gardens, they had 15 minutes to catch the demon spawn( I mean precious angels ) if they would be late for Snickerdoodle’s ceremony , and their father had worked to hard to arrange it . Petunia sighed again as she heard a battle cry from one of her hell pawn ( Probably Kingston or Poppy) Which under normal circumstances She would’ve found Adorable but They were on a timetable so maternal cuteness Had to be suspended in favor of practicality. As she used a High powered flashlight to Direct Mr. Fitzgibbons and his associates on how to best Capture her wayward children and their cousins( Anthea was practical Mycroft’s sister at this point). Petunia Called our hopefully From pursue the watch tower( the third story terrace) that if they Surrendered and came along quietly, they could set fire to any painting in the Manir They desired at evening( Darius had been begging to test the Combustion speed of 16th century red oakor Dried paint versus 18th Red pigments in paint , Her little genius Had a new theory as to how the great fire of London started , it had Historians at oxford fascinated, Petunia was just delighted in the Magic nonsense didn’t workout for a few of her children they could have a nice Respectable career as Academics in the future, not that their Uncle Sherlock would ever allow one of his nephews To take up such a boring possession. But no one was going to tell Petunia that. It was important to have dreams even boring ones, not the fact The only person that actually scared Sherlock besides his own mother was His sister in law.)

Petunia smiled as she heard Whispers coming from the grove of trees Mr. Fitzgibbons was currently stalking , And a child’s voice asking, “ Can we use Papa’s Wind tunnel to tell Climate conditions flouring the controlled burn, Under laboratory condition. Mum?”

Petunia smiled Knowing she had won before shouting, “ Of course you can darling, I’ll even make Those cookies you all love for you to snack on. Now have we Agreed on the terms of your surrender? We’re going to be late snickerdoodle’s knighting ceremony at this rate sweetie.”

The silence fell over the garden before furious whispers broke out again, and a voice Clearly Darius this time Responded for the collective, “ Yes Mum. Will you please call off Mr. Fitzgibbons, we agree to your terms. We just wanted to play with the gnome for a few more minutes.”

Petunia laughed Internally and smiled as a mother would at her perilous angels Shenanigans Before calling, “ I know darling! Fitzgibbons that’s enough! They’ve agreed to cooperate, You can call off the hunt.”

A collective grumble from the hunters Could be heard throughout the gardens, Working security had gotten boring recently with Mr. Holmes Having been out of the country lately Dealing with the overly Bureaucratic orca pod Off the west coast of America. Petunia still didn’t understand how Sea creatures had such a complicated filing system, with everything written down in sand. 

But that was Mycroft’s wheelhouse , while she Make sure their children Didn’t accidentally triggered Armageddon before their first day at Hogwarts. 

She smiled and gathered up the Holmes brood in the Front entryway meeting a Rather Rumpled looking Anthea and a Rather smug looking Sirius , making Petunia raise a brow at her dear friend and her Mischievous husband, And when Anthea supplied no explanation, Petunia got one from a Semi transparent Lily behind them tossing an apple threw a hoop But she had somehow procurement on the astral plane. Good Lord, Petunia flushed, that was the fourth time today. And she through Mycroft was bad enough, How was Anthea walki... No! Petunia shook her head As if to physically Remove the images from her brain. She yelled for the children and Determinedly begin Marching towards the cars.

They only had 20 minutes to get to The palace, And with the traffic in London they would have to use magic, or bribery Which ever was faster. 

Petunia climbed into the first car with Remus and his lovely new girlfriend, Nymphadora Tonks. Petunia looking at the younger woman More closely as she buckle her seatbelt. Confused she asked absentmindedly, “ Wasn’t your hair blonde a moment ago my dear?”

Internally petunia Groaned, she was starting to sound like Violet , Unintentionally. It was a little disturbing. As if reading her mind from the front seat she heard the telltale snort of Sherlock Holmes.

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Before the human ceremony at the Palace , a Different kind of induction ceremony was taking place In the Gardens of Kensington Palace. The Sacred Order of Saint good boy was testing the competency of their newest knighthood hopefully the first none Corgi member Since the reign of King George. The Battalion of battle Corgis , had to Ensure the Newfoundland had what it takes To defend queen and country should he becalmed from the kennels to bite the ass of Britain’s enemies in this Crisis, or to face Their greatest rivals on the Field of battle, the united mail carriers of Great Britain,( well nearly all of Britain they stopped letting the Welsh postman Anywhere near the palace after the Coatsworth waffle iron incident of 1987, old Jack Was never the same he lost that ear). But that didn’t matter ancient battles and Historical glory Were not what today was about. It was about the Preservation of Canine tradition with in the The Court and so the Queen’s Regiment, The Corgi Grenadiers Had gathered On this day and in this place to test their newest member. Captain Snickerdoodle Holmes and hits personal Regiment, of the Holmes Canine Forces .

The Two packs of dogs waged their tails as one, and drew the battle lines. With Corgis growling and Newfoundlands and Irish wolf hounds Making up the Holmes line. The war games Were about to commence on the signal of Supreme commander of the corgi division, Kensington Palace London, Susan the puffy tail , an absolute legend in the armed forces. The Corgi Commander barked her orders and the parlance defenders made ready for battle while Knight commander Captain Snickerdoodle Pawsworth Umbrellaford Holmes the first of North London Holmes Canine battalion Wagged his tail Patiently Calmly assessing him opponents battle formation, But still not giving the order to attack.

The Newfoundland Kept giving me order to hold the line, To not move forward, as if the dog was waiting for something , Until a voice cut through the gardens, “ What’s all this then?”

With that Knight commander Captain Snickerdoodle Pawsworth Umbrellaford Holmes the first of North London Holmes Canine battalion Wagged his tail Finally giving the signal for his forces to charges , Forcing the battle corgis To go on the defensive.

The end result was the greatest Game of tug-of-war, Kensington Palace had ever seen. 

The legendary corgi Commander Susan fought valiantly, but Eventually succumbed to the Superior might of Snickerdoodle’s Holmes trained forces, this Tripp’s knew how to play dead Until the most opportune moment.

Snickerdoodle had proved his worth to the nation , Celebratory peanut butter and fake chocolate biscuits where had by all before the human can to them with the leashes. It was time for walkies and then Snickerdoodle would formally be welcomed into the illustrious Canine fellowship, As a knight commander of the order of saint good boy, Defenders of the realm, and Receivers of the Belly ruff and ear scratches. 

Snickerdoodle howled with his Canine brethren at the circled the gardens the Iceman , Mycroft Holmes himself met the dogs half way to the ceremony, bending down to scratch Snickerdoodle behind the ears, the Iceman , The living embodiment of the British government looked at his most loyal Companion and said,” I take it you won then . Good boy , Snickerdoodle.” Before discreetly slipping the soon to be Sir Snickerdoodle Holmes another Gourmet biscuit. And taking the dog’s lead Personally, the two Holmeses began the long walk towards the Queen and from what Snickerdoodle could smell, a snack table full of bacon. Both members of the Holmes clan picked up their pace at the scent.


	62. Chapter 62

The gnome teach the battle corgis the tradition dance of their people, someone may have laced the Tupperware with catnip again. 

Hermione turned judgy eyes on Neville and Ron, Who both denied vehemently, but Kept their fingers crossed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who Took the time to respond to my chapter 60 question, The ghost of Winston Churchill will be in the next chapter I promise.


	63. Chapter 63

Petunia held her breathe and counted to ten for the fifth time the day. She wanted to scream, She wasn’t pregnant for once , yet Every lady in waiting and even the queen had asked her when she was due she wanted to scream Especially when Sirius had jokingly told Lady Fielding, June 17, Petunia Had opened her mouth to Berate him But Anthea had shoved a Cucumber sandwich in his mouth Before she could really start her tirade. Making Sirius choke for a moment And then the barking begin, It looked like Hairy and Dudley had finally arrived With Hermione. As she turned to her left to greet her children she stopped dead as Severus Snape Stood a meter from her . Petunia screamed bloody murder, and Snape Turned his eyes towards the sky And asked the man next to him about an air raid shelter.

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Ron stuffed another cookie into his month a he told his bishop to move to E6 With crumbs tumbling out as the words passed his lips, the pieces of his wizards chess set Scattered in various directions to avoid Ariel bombardment of crumbs. The King berate the Weasley as the piece Moved back into position, before turning to Ron’s opponent and Barking that it’s was his turn And that he needed to get on with it.

Ron’s usual Opposition of his fellow council members Were away from the castle at the moment, Dealing with some Muggle Queen, Ron still don’t know why singing Bohemian Rhapsody Qualified someone to Rule Muggle Britain but he had stopped asking certain questions after Hermione Started in explaining it in her “ Mum will be mad if I shove a pine in his mouth To shut him up” voice , So he lacked clarification As to what Muggles looked for in a leader. Ron continued to chew as Neville moved his knight to C7 And then went back to reading his herbology textbook

Ron sighed . Lamenting the fact that both Neville’s Grandma and his mum had refused to sign the permission slip To let them go with Harry and the others to the knighting ceremony, Leaving him and Longbottom to keep themselves entertained without the masterminds of their usual operation.

As Seamus Finnegan came walking passed him hold a soccer ball and a bag of Low-grade explosive. Ron looked at Neville and Laughed, he kicked his friend in the shin and   
Whispered, “ Nev, I think I know how we can keep thing interesting. Go get your collapsible shovel, and meet me out on the Pitch. I’ll get Thomas and Finnegan to help us with this.”

As Ron gathered up this pieces and ran off . Nev Finally looked up from his book and Realized Lee Jordan was staring at him again while he mad shadow Puppets with the Weasley twins Depicting Professor Snape’s Recent epic battle with the Ostriches Professor sprout had summoned on accident.


	64. Chapter 64

Snickerdoodle’s knighting ceremony Was a regal of Affair with the queen seven corgis present in miniature Suits of armor made of plastic and Snickerdoodle wearing the Holmes family crest On his dog tags , The queen as well as traditional used a saber to knight the deserving Canine individual With two taps on either shoulder and A dignified ear scratch later Her Majesty the Queen of England Ireland and Wales declared the Newfoundland Sir snickerdoodle Holmes the Enthusiastic. Making Mycroft chuckle, In relief it was better than Sir Snickerdoodle the fluffy , Which his mother had suggested.

With the ceremony done and the guests distracted the newly knighted Individual and his master descended on the refreshment table with a gusto. There is only so much bacon at these kind of parties, One had to be quick about it if they wanted any. The small contingent of security gnomes surrounding the table holding back other guests might also have contributed to them being the first simple the fine selection Of cured meats and bacon at the refreshment table. As Snickerdoodle no sir snickerdoodle lost himself in the doggy Nirvana that was the mountain of bacon before him, the ever Loyal canine heard His master swearing. One of the Bulgarian ambassador’s presence at the knighting ceremony Had pulled out a bat, Mycroft swore again Making his way over to deal with the situation when he heard a loud crack and his sons shouting.

The Bulgarian was incapacitated, by Dudley and A bright orange horse shaped monstrosity that sounds suspiciously like Harry screaming. Mycroft blinked and then Bellowed,” Anthea !”

The matter was sorted magically relatively quickly with the Strange information that Bulgarian roses grown in the northern mountains Had magical properties and Pollen that contained traces Of unicorn droppings , And unpleasant realization and substance that his eldest son was allergic to, And allergy that resulted in Symptoms of the equine persuasion , Mycroft Insured Harry was all right and then retrieved his now half eaten plate of bacon and signaled to Sirius to levitate the Bulgarian over to the Peruvian delegation, The pishtaco Among the delegation didn’t take kindly to Failed Assassinations And Juan owed him Quite a few favors he would get rid of a body without needing an explanation. 

Mycroft was ever thankful For his mothers ability to distract the queen quite easily with photos of her grandchildren, Even though lady woodlock would require A bit of bribery to forget the entire incident, A bit of Belgian chocolate with a few enchantments thrown in would be an easy way to deal with the last available witness harmlessly, Lady woodlock Was a friend of the family after all. Completely harmless unless you mentioned hedgehogs. 

==================================================================

Hermione observed the entire situation unperturbed, While quietly Trying to persuade Harry to eat something other than carrots and oats, He might have been a horse very briefly but the diet appeared to be lingering, At least until Dudley produced A cookie from God knows where  
And Harry Devoured it Eagerly.

Hermione Looked at Harry quizzically, Before asking,” So are you still up for Scuba diving Holmes Or do we need to implement the back up plan.”

Harry Finally speaking with a bit of a dry tone To his voice,” I’ll be fine but I’m going last I still have the overwhelming urge to kick anything that moves behind me. So don’t approach me from behind for a while ‘Mione , My brains a little bit weird at the moment. Did you remember the cacti?”

The response came from Dudley this time,”Got it!”

Hermione smiled at this and looked at the boys Before starting to sneak away from the crowd towards the main fountains in the garden She called over her shoulder,” Well then lets go gentlemen, We have Atlantis to find. “

They all made QuickTime towards the outskirts of the crowd pausing only to give snickerdoodle a well-deserved Belly rub In celebration of his new title. They made quick progress the rest of the way briefly noting professor Snape slash the ghost of Winston Churchill deep in conversation with the queen and her husband both of whom Were laughing The way you do around old friends, Her majesty’s coronation was the subject of the conversation if their ears were to be believed, Who knew prince Philip had to object to elephants being used to pull the Royal carriage instead of horses. The conversation made the trio exchange look when there is universally understood by all children the exasperated silent glance and sigh,” Old people”. They had to be quick so they moved along

But they had to be brief they only had six hours to deliver the cacti To the merpeople That needed them terribly, Clown Pox was running rampant Through the Atlantean community. And The menfolks supply of giant shoes and wigs Was running precariously low make it nearly impossible to treat the entire community should the outbreak spread any further


	65. Chapter 65

Muppets magpies and miscellaneous melodrama

It seems the world is going mad around us, It’s making it hard to write crack. So dear readers you have my sincerest apologies for the delay in updating . The next chapter is coming it may be a week or so before it’s posted but I promise madness and hilarity in excess and A visit To Lithuania to deal with the clown mafia that Engineered the bozo bubonic plague currently infecting Atlantis. Please enjoy this excerpt To tide you over until the next chapter.

Dudley Flip the quarter once again glaring at the merman in front of him. He refused to accept the human concept of mathematical probability claiming it to be inferior To the Atlantean mathematical theorems. Even though Dudley has explained repeatedly that bass 10 was a far superior way to calculate basic math mathematical theorems, So like a good mathematical argument A quickly devolved into a gambling tournament Instead of Newtonian physics being debated or the validity of calculus Dudley was Trouncing the merman In a basic game Of Blind man’s bluff with a little coin flipping probability thrown in just for luck. Dudley had to find a way to amuse himself As Harry was busy talking to the sea horses that were roughly the size of a truck, However Harry’s mind still stuck in a equestrian terms Could communicate with theM miraculously Dudley supposed that The language of Anything with horse In it’s name was interchangeable At least from the standpoint of magic Harry was at least doing something useful however Hermione was bartering with some merchant over a seashell that she thought was shiny a rather strange development but both he and his brother had noticed recently Hermione was indeed a girl so some leeway had to be given to that her behavior was not always explainable to their brains And most of the time she was too scary for them to comment. But she was at least bartering for three of the shiny shellsSo that they could each have one who knows maybe they had some kind of use in potion brewing the subject wasn’t Dudleys specialty so he gave a little thought to it as he raked in another 50 P from the unsuspecting stubborn merman.


	66. Chapter 66

The Atlantean people were in sad shape With multicolored fluffy wigs and red noses adorning every face unicycles were the primary form of observed transportation strange chuckles and small clown cars litter the streets entire families huddled together in the small vehicles barely able To hold a family of 10 uncomfortably, Crying was intermixed With the maniacal chuckles of the infected Atlanteans the bozo bubonic plague Was advancing quickly through the city much to the council of dooms horror. As they climbed out of the central fountain in the city center removing respirators and painstakingly struggling out of wetsuits holmes brothers Shared A look Universally understood between brothers about to back each other up in a fight As Hermione torn Open Her bag containing the precious cargo of cacti , Healer Montgomery Had painstakingly packed in bubble wrap soaked and lemon juice for the journey. They each pulled a few of the succulents from the bag and took off running. Hermione making her way into the market while the co chairman of the council of doom Headed did off into the back streets Of Atlantis each of the children viciously stabbing anyone they passed in the buttocks with a cactus. The prickly exterior of the plant made for the perfect delivery mechanism for the anti-venom that was the lemon juice to cure the Clown Plague sweeping the city. Hermione had difficulty retrieving her cactus from The particularly large posterior of the queen regent of Atlantis the lady had howl In a bizarre mix of comical laughter and agony when her cactus based inoculation For the terrible illness that ravaged her city was administered to her. But hermione did receive it thank you From the crown wearing woman before she started working on the merchants standing around her. 

The Holmes brothers were not so lucky As the back streets were primarily favored by the unsavory types of the Atlantic community, The brothers had made their way from one gambling den to another stabbing anyone within arms reach with a cactus both of the young boys were perpetually grateful Hermione reminded them to double layer the thick gloves they had already dawn before separating to handle the situation It took the better part of an hour for them to fight their way to one of the merchant skills were they actually found a small group of people barricaded in what appeared to be a flower mill after explaining how to administer the cure Harry and Dudley Were relieved Of the rest of their cactuses and the doctors they had stumbled upon Began the unpleasant task of inoculating the rest of the general population of Atlantis well the members of the council of doom wondered back towards The gambling Dems they had already treated. Figuring at least one of the patrons might be grateful enough to buy them a butter beer and perhaps some carrots for Harry as his appetite still consisted of foods favored by equines. But it was starting to fade he was certain he would be fine by morning hopefully.... When he said there’s a loud Dudley just patted his brother on the shoulder come friendly, And reminding him they had healers back home to deal with it if it didn’t go away quickly.At worst Grandmum violet Would be happy one of them was eating a primarily plant-based diet. And their mom petunia would figure out someway to make a pastry that was favorable to horses, Mum wouldn’t just leave Harry to his own culinary devices. It would be all right mate Was the essence of what Dudley was saying.

Hermione unaware of the actions of her friends kept right on going until she ran into the actual medical professionals and they confiscated for tools, The queen of Atlantis was already having one of her ministers count out rather large shiny goldfish shaped Tokens to reward the saviors of Atlantis, But Hermione started to bargain Harry and Dudley Had already Agreed to leave the reward negotiations to her as she had a governmental authority over a nation All be it an unconventional one, The garden gnome super colony of Europe answered only to Authority and most of the magical non wizard community Had already acknowledged her in some capacity as either a Benevolent dictatorship Or a reluctant sovereign Hermione Granger had a leg to stand on when it came to international negotiations, The fact her gnomes had set fire too Magical Alexandria and stolen every book in the library just weeks earlier had not been overlooked either. The great bookworm of Britain Had not taken kindly to the proposed censorship of the library as every book was now being copied into 15 languages and sent to every major literary institution across the globe as well as Tomes being Offered to the intergalactic centaur counsel In exchange for their services with retrieving A few of the Younger Holmes children From a rather rambunctious soccer game on Venus, Apparently the residence of the sulfur planet didn’t take too kindly to someone actually explaining the laws of physics the soccer balls kept catching fire and made the sport nearly impossible to enjoy on the planet who played soccer with rocks, The centuar had helpfully Retrieved the wayward children and taking them out for ice cream on the lunar surface until their father could be contacted the look on the Holmes patriarchs face When they materialized in a middle of a meeting with the Slovenian delegation has been utterly priceless as boredom Had begun to encroach and at the very least his children kept things interesting and kept him from Leasing the tea with laxatives just to bring an end to the meeting. Though he didn’t take kindly to his parenting being called into question by centuars As they routinely left their children in random places to hone their survival instincts, He had a few members of his net work Fishing half grown centuars colts Out of dumpsters volcanoes and on one particularly memorable occasion the large tank at the London aquarium as the youngsters attempted to battle the electric eels that inhabited the tank. Mycroft Had smiled Coldly At his intergalactic allies before asking after the largest Male daughter Making His children’s rescuers fell silent and Concede the situation.

Olivia and Reginald had not been happy when they had been informed they were grounded for the next two weeks with no outings of any nature and they were not to go gallivanting off with any doctor that was not a family member. 

=============================================================

Dudley Called our for Another card As the dealer hit 15 he had a Seven on display and a towel hidden under the table He needed A suit to have any chance of victory, And hairy was getting restless he kept kicking the wall behind him rattling the strange silver orbs mounted on racks like a great abacus that lined the walls of the gambling establishment Making the entire building ring quietly a gentle chime that reminded Dudley at the church bells that occasionally sounded on national holidays. It was an almost menacing sound a quiet warning it seemed to the patrons to not bet against the house. A warning both Holmes boys Took as a dare regardless, They had some time to kill while Waiting for hermione. A loud thawacking sound Forced Dudley’s attention back to the table as an ace Entered his field of vision a new addition to his small pile of cards making the boys smile. The merman sitting next to him swore in of all things Turkish And through his cards on the table, Dudley smiled And collected the large pile of diamond beads stacked in the middle of the table pulling the pile Toward him and filling one of his pockets with the baubles, The small diamond beads catching the light around them making rainbow patterns Flickr across the surface as if they contained many fires of every color in existence within their boundaries. Harry nicked a handful From his brother before he managed to put them all in his pocket, The elder Holmes boy grinned ,” Aunt Helen and uncle Remus are going to love these, They’ll make the perfect warding stones For the gardens, I wonder if we can chant them with electricity.”

Dudley still smiling looked at his brother and shook his head,” I don’t know harry hopefully not can you imagine what Kingston or Octavia would do with these if they could, We’ve never be safe you’d be eating breakfast and suddenly be howling from pain because one of our delightful siblings decided to throw a mobile stun gun At us, I wouldn’t mention the possibility of electricity to anyone.”

Harry’s eyes widened at the horror Of the possibility in grimly nodded whispering he wouldn’t mention it again. The two brothers wandered over to the bar collected a pint of butter beer each and waited quietly talking about what they were going to tell Ron and Neville about the days adventures while waiting for Hermione.

==================================================================

Neville Longbottom the sole heir to an ancient magical line sprinted across the pitch his heart thundering in his ears as flames danced in his wake. The entire situation was a disaster and there was only one person to blame. He was going to throttle that Weasley when they found it, Irregardless a friendship who bloody thought it was a good idea to set fireworks off on bone dry wood in the middle of a hose pipe banned season Seamus had even refused to light the pyrotechnics when he observed the conditions, But Ron had snatched them out of his hands and bolted onto his broomstick not the most elegant of maneuvers in effective one as he Tossed a few of the already lit fireworks through one of the three rings at the far end of the pitch but the fireworks didn’t stop or fall from the sky they kept going until they hit the stands. Setting the spectator seating ablaze, Ron had flown back toward them shouting boasting about How brilliant the tossed has been directly through the center hoop with a lit firework better than any chaser could. The situation hadn’t quite registered as he reached the rest of the group and the bone chilling silence of their Petrified stares Welcome back everyone of the Gryffindors deadly pale, 

Ron extraordinarily confused shouted,” What’s wrong with you lot?”

Until Dean pointed behind him, Where are the flames were already picking up . Ron spun around And whispered, “ Bloody hell.” Before turning around and shouting run pushing he’s petrified friends towards the non burning Part of the stadium. The boys took off with Neville trailing far behind the rest of them as the fire continue to spread in the blaze grew in intensity all the young men cursing under their breath while using the robes to smother any flames they came across in their sprint for the exit. 

But as they reached when of the Arches they had to pass under to get out of the Quidditch pitch they heard war cries all around them, From the sky owls with gnomes astride them descended from the heavens buckets of water clutched in their talons, As the garden gnome firebrigade Jumped into action, Shouts of “ Fucking idiots”, “ Make way for the tubes”, “ Glory to the great Granger”, and “ you can never trust a ginger with even a Sparkler” Echoed around them as thousands upon thousands of the gnome commandos and fire brigade certified professionals started extinguishing the blaze. The super colony had spent the last few months establishing a base at Hogwarts below the changing rooms the gnomes have been growing anxious at not being called upon for duty outside of light guard work and helping Hagrid feed the chickens. The Tupperware provided by their glorious leader Hermione Granger was as always delicious, But the super colony felt they hadn’t earned the delightful treat for the lack of activity throughout most of the Hogwarts year. In short the super colony was bored and restless, Not that it they would ever tell their glorious leader, But thankfully at Hogwarts shenanigans were aplenty If one Wa$ted.

As Neville Finally reached where Ron had collapsed gasping for breath and the Longbottom commenced beating him with his own pointy hat Did the presence of the gnomes and the fire brigade made up of the super colony finally register with the panicked young wizards. The fire was receding but the damage was quite obvious. With the blaze smothered and the gnomes performing a celebratory hula dance in the middle of the grass belting out, “ Dancing queen” In high pitch squeaky voices in between owl screeching as they flew over the pitch depositing the last of the fire brigade gnomes onto the grass and flying off again did the boys look at one another and Ron say at last, “ Bloody hell, There’s no way we can fix this.” Ron granted as Neville kicked him in the shin and responded, “ We told you that. But you didn’t listen mate “ Neville looked at Seamus dean Ron As they heard the distinctive shouts of an enraged Professor McGonagle approaching there position. Neville and Ron share to look for the first time since the start of their friendship just a few months earlier they had silent communication a universal understanding, “ We need Hermione and Harry if we want to avoid explosion. Until they get back running is the best option.”

The only two remaining members of the council of doom took off for the forest dragging their friends with them. As the last bars of dancing queen echoed through the half burned spectator stands on the Quidditch pitch and the massive statues that littered the castle started to move picking up great planks of wood and hammers marching towards the damaged towers of the pitch. 

Magic might make repairs more simple but it didn’t illuminate the fact McGonagle was pissed, If she didn’t know they were the perpetrators yes she certainly would if she caught them before the Holmes brothers got back.

As the statues entered the torched pitch, The Garden gnome fire brigade scattered taking small pieces of charred Wood and The Hufflepuff banner that had fallen to the ground as the blaze engulfed part of the pitch As trophies to present to their glorious leader as proof of their brave days hoping to prove their usefulness that they had earned their most delicious of all crockery the glorious Tupperware, The banner was smuggled through one of the Quidditch team locker rooms down do you bend of a particularly stubborn toilet inhabited by a Female Spectre And down into the gnomes base of operations at Hogwarts the bachelor pad of one Ignatius fireborn the resident dragon of Hufflepuff, That Kept the fires of the Hogwarts kitchens perpetually burning.

The gnomes returned to their safe haven, to fine The great Grangers giant ally and their jovial host Arm wrestling with a very bored looking dragon who’s tale was propped up on the largest wooden table in England. The half giant was grumbling asking for the best two out of three. The gnomes ignored the situation before them and began to inform their brethren of their adventures and the Succulent dandelions they had procured from the Hogwarts Quidditch pitch when no one was looking too preoccupied with escaping the fire that the gnomes happily extinguished.


	68. Chapter 68

Harry knew something was wrong the moment his nose started to itch when they slid through the fountain portal you weren’t supposed to have any skin irritation if you were going the right direction the waters had a strange sense of humor from time to time he had ended up in Nigeria once and his father had requisition to have the British Armada to quietly retrieve him and Dudley after the incident where they ended up in a prince’s palace. The printhead helpfully been understanding and had sent an email to the British ambassador about the situation requesting money for airfare for the two of them but the government had never responded thankfully mycroft Had a system in place to screen any emails ever sent around globally for the names of his children and any interesting information the Captain of the HMS Rosalie has been none too happy to be Diverted from it patrol schedule the dock in the port city of banana off the coast of the democratic republic of the Congo so that harry andDudley Had a back up extraction point available should the method of knocking and having the nanny the poor woman named Abigail who was assigned to the African continent for monitoring Holmes children shenanigans Department head up to retrieve the boys of course Abigail turned up with a fully armed escort and a loaded Lugar in her purse.

But that was a different time harry scratched his nose Worriedly as he heard both Dudley and Hermione behind him curse. He wasn’t the only one itchy it seemed.

A moment late his suspicions were confirmed, For instead of the baptismal font at the Basilica distal leg In Estonia they had popped up in the shallows of the black like they were back at Hogwarts, And the Quidditch pitch was burning in the distance.

Henry started treading water as he waited for Hermione and Dudley to turn up. Mentally hoping Oliver would didn’t see the carnage as what appeared to be the gnomes got to work dancing the flames Hermione’s head broke the surface just as the largest pillar of fire started to diminish and Dudley harry could hear Curse. He turned his eyes from the fire to see deadly emerge covered in seaweed and what appeared to be bits of unidentified foul smelling substance.

Harry grimace and grabbed his wand whispering Scourgify In his brothers direction. Before adding sympathetically, “ I don’t think Grindylows Are physically capable of having diarrhea so that was probably just fish guts.”

It didn’t make Dudley look any less morose. Before Hermione told them both to get moving they needed to get out of the water it was starting to freeze it was October and Scotland after all and the wind had a bit of a chill to it.

They got to the shore without any more distractions or incident with a little help from the giant squid kicking up waves in the proper direction the burning Quidditch pitch was enough of a distraction none of the other students took notice of three first years swimming out of the Black Lake in October with no bubblehead charms.

The fire flowers never had planted around the perimeter of the east side of the bank came in handy this day as the sand and rock around that side of the lake always stayed at a healthy 90° when you couldn’t muster up a warming charm they made for a great back up.

Dudley looked at his brother and hermione,” So that mission was fucked up.”

The other two members of the council of doom just nodded both attempting along with Dudley To avoid thinking about exactly what kind of substance he had to swim through.


	69. Chapter 69

Marlene Coatsworth Had been the head zookeeper for the mammals section of London zoo for the last 15 years and she had never seen something quite like this. The Wombats had disappeared the cuddly mildly vicious, Square pooping little buggers had just up and disappeared. 

The only clues present were a toy horse head shoved in one of the bushes and a small Post-it note with immaculate script Hand writing that could be mistaken for calligraphy at first glance. The words on it were simply Dobby was here. The gnomes will be coming to collect.

The water fountain that served as the wombat water dish had been locked up the spout completely blocked and it’s lower basin Knocked over other than that there was no damage she had no idea who Dobby was. And the coppers from Scotland yard that had popped by to take a statement and file a report left scratching their heads.

Marlene was left with a mystery on her hands and turned to the on the person she could think of after some in through the papers she stopped on the contact information for a consulting detective, Who specialized in solving murders Marlene just hoped disappearing wombats might be fascinating enough For the man... She was worried about those Furry little buggers, The Wombats were cute enough.

So with a carefully worded email and attached pictures she contacted John Watson Via the email on his blog hoping and appeal to the consulting Detective Sherlock Holmes would help discover where the zoos animals had gone and who exactly dobby was.

===================================================================

In the Hogwarts dormitories in the west tower usually reserved for astronomy was an exasperated Hermione Granger fervently explaining with hand gestures and reprimanding tone to her primary advisor the king of the known as to why The debt collections for the garden casino where to remain strictly legal.

I know she didn’t know where a wombat’s kneecap was.

Hermione left the fire in the astronomy tower exasperated and irritated upon first side of hairy Holmes She side dropping onto the couch beside him And said, “ Harry I need an exotic animal veterinarian that won’t asked questions.”

Which simply raised an eyebrow eldest the eldest Holmes.

Who flicked his wand, The frantic turning of a Rolodex could be heard throughout the dorms.

The card was on her pillow when she went to bed that evening.

Lucrezia Davenport

03167 ask for Helga.

Hermione just Lit the card on fire with her wand, Named an exorbitant figure and provided an address as well as the name of her mother.

20 minutes later and a few hundred miles south there was a knock on the door at Holmes Manor a very confused but qualified veterinarian was there asking for Helen.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a serious question for everyone, But first thank you so much for taking the time to read the story I hope it made you laugh. 
> 
> No onto the serious matter, Which would you prefer evil chinchilla scientist the engineered a clown plague to take out the Atlantean’s so they can eradicate Atlantis and dry it out so they can make a convenient sandpit out of the city that they can roll around in and do chinchilla things because chinchillas despise water for obvious reasons.
> 
> Or   
> Or should we stick with the classic Villain a disgruntled accountant named Larry who unknowingly infected the Atlantean population with the terrible illness when his wife Karen complained loudly at in Atlanta and owned Coffee shop that her iced cappuccino has been made incorrectly.
> 
> I desperately need help making a decision as to who the counsel of doom needs to confront In order to completely stop the spread of this mildly humorous but ultimately terrifying Bozo the clown inspired illness. 
> 
> Please let me know your opinion in the comments.


End file.
